occurred about the same time, and on which I always look with feelings
of indescribable delight. I did not know it until, some years
afterwards, the story was related to me by the principal actor in it--
the abetter of my heretical pravity. Little did I dream, when writing my
humble penny books, that they would be advanced to the high honor of a
place in the Papal Index Expurgatorius.
The lady in question took to the continent a sweet, only daughter: a
lovely little girl of ten years old, the joy of her widowed bosom, who
was fast sinking in decline. I was exceedingly fond of that child, who
returned my affection from the depths of an Irish heart; and who, out of
love for its author, selected one of my small penny books to translate
into Italian during her last stage of suffering. She did not live to
complete it; but with her dying breath requested her mother to do so, in
the earnest hope of its being made useful to the ignorant people around
them. Bessie was a lamb of the Lord's fold; and to lead other children
into the same blessed shelter was her heart's desire. As soon as the
bereaved mother could make any exertion, she betook herself to the task
assigned by her departed darling, and found such satisfaction in it that
she extended her labors, and translated several more. Being a lady of
rank and affluence, she was enabled to carry it on to publication, and
to insure the circulation of the little books among many. One of them,
"The Simple Flower," a sixpenny book, thus translated, fell into the
hands of an Italian physician, a man of highly cultivated mind;
nominally a Romanist; and like all thinking Romanists, in reality an
infidel. The book contains not a word on controversy; not an allusion to
Popery--it is plain gospel truth, conveyed in a very simple narrative.
God blessed it to this gentleman, and he became a Christian. The
circumstance excited much remark: curiosity led many to read that and
others of the series, and a great number were circulated in the
neighboring districts. This was actually within the papal states, under
the jurisdiction of the archbishop of Sienna, to whose knowledge came
the astounding fact that pennyworths of heresy were circulated within
the range of his pastoral charge: the matter was reported at head-
quarters, taken up with due seriousness, and a Sunday appointed, on
which, no doubt, I was quietly worshipping in the college chapel at
Sandhurst, wholly unconscious that my name was then being proclaimed at
a hundred Italian altars, with a denunciation against all who should
read, circulate, or possess any book, tract, or treatise penned by me.
One instance was particularized: a poor priest had himself given numbers
of these translations to his flock; and after mass, he stood before them
deeply moved, telling them he had a painful duty to perform. That he had
received from the highest authority a command to proclaim what he held
in his hand, and which he proceeded to read to them--a copy of the
fulmination above-mentioned. Having done so he folded the paper, and
resumed, saying he had given and recommended the little books to them,
because he had read them himself and found nothing but what was good in
them: however, the church, which they were all bound to obey, judged
otherwise; "and now." he added, "you must bring them back to me, or burn
them, or in some other way destroy them wholly: nevertheless, I declare
in the sight of God I found no evil in those dear little books, but the
contrary--they are full of good." He burst into tears, and many wept
with him; and not a few of the proscribed productions were wrapped up
and buried in the earth, or otherwise put away till the search should be
over. Who knows but that very priest was led to the Bible and to Christ
through such humble means? I would not exchange for the value of the ten
kingdoms ten times trebled, the joy that I feel in this high honor put
upon me--this rich blessing of being under the papal curse. * * *
With what fondness does memory linger over those delightful days of
sojourn under the sheltering roof of my brother, so soon, to be for ever
parted in this world. Another boy had been added to our happy little
circle, and Jack's warm heart seemed to receive an accession of love,
that he might have it to bestow on the "beautiful baby small," which
claimed so much of his thoughts and prayers. Indeed, his thoughts were
always prayers, for God was in all. He made but little progress in
language, having a great dislike to learning beyond what was needful for
communicating his thoughts to me, and as he was then obliged to be more
with servants than I liked, I was not anxious to extend his facilities
of communicating with them; nor did he at all desire their society. He
had a little room of his own, to his great delight, over the coach-
house; and when not employed in his work, or talking with me, he was
most happy with the pencil. He gave a strong and beautiful proof of the
dread with which God inspired him as to ensnaring company; and I cannot
pass it over.
My brother declared his intention of keeping a horse, and of course a
groom. Jack came to me with an earnest entreaty that he might be the
groom, saying he could do it so well. The reason he gave to me,
confidentially, was, that men were very wicked; that the man-servant
would often shake hands with the devil--his usual mode of expressing
wilful sin--and that if Jack shook hands with him, he would some day
draw his hand till he got it into the devil's; meaning, that an evil
companion would by degrees induce him to become evil too. He also said,
Captain B---- was very kind to Mam, and that a servant would cost him
money, and eat a great deal; but Jack would take no money, and only eat
"small potato, small meat," because he loved Captain B----. When I
communicated the request to my brother he laughed, saying such a boy
could never groom a horse; but Jack had been privately to a kind friend
of his, a retired non-commissioned officer of cavalry, who had the care
of some horses, and got him to give him instruction, succeeding so well
in his attempt that the serjeant told my brother he really thought him
competent to the office. He consented to try; and having purchased his
horse, tied him up at the stable-door for Jack to commence operations,
while we all assembled to see him. I was apprehensive of a total
failure, but he did it admirably, and my brother declared he only wanted
a few inches in height to be one of the best grooms in the kingdom.
Jack's exultation was very great. When we were alone, he went up to the
horse, kissed it, and after telling me how pleased he saw his master
look, he added, "No man; all one Jack. Devil cry--go, devil!" and
snapped his fingers at the invisible enemy.
His greatest security next to his love of God was his constant fear of
Satan. Yet it was rather a fear of himself, lest he should yield to his
temptations, for he was perfectly aware Satan would not force him to do
any thing. Hence his extreme caution as to what associates he had, and a
reserve with those whom he did not know to be Christians, which was
sometimes mistaken for pride. He invariably asked me, of every person
who came to the house, whether that person loved Jesus Christ; and if I
could not give a positive answer in the affirmative, he stood aloof,
always most courteous, but perfectly cold, and even dignified in
repelling any advance to sociability beyond common politeness. He did
not know the meaning of a single bad word, and God kept him so that the
wicked one touched him not. I used every means, of course, to this end.
I watched him most narrowly, and always interposed if he was required to
do any thing, or to go to any place, in which I apprehended danger. My
vigilance extorted smiles from those who considered it must all be in
vain when he grew a little older; but no obstacle was placed in my way;
and I bless God I never relaxed that care, nor did the boy ever depart
from his holy caution; and he died at the age of nineteen, a very tall
and fine-looking young man, with the mind of a little babe as regards
the evil that is in the world. Oh that parents knew the importance of
thus watching over their boys.
Soon after the first horse was established in his stall, my brother
purchased a second for my riding, saying he should now, of course, get
an assistant in the stable; but Jack burst into tears, and himself
pleaded with him for leave to do all. My brother greatly delighted in
his broken language, and caught exactly his phraseology, so that they
conversed together as well as with me; and he told me he could not stand
Jack's entreaties. "He is a fine little fellow," said he, "and if you
will watch and see that he is not overexerting himself, he may try for a
while: he will soon be tired." But far from it; Jack was proud of his
two horses; and none in the place were better kept. When a cow was
added, a young person came to milk her; but Jack was outrageous, talked
of his mother's "Kilkenny cows," and "cow's baby," and expressed such
sovereign contempt for the stranger's performance, and such downright
hostility against the intruder, that we had no peace till he got the cow
also under his especial care. Often afterwards did he talk of that time,
saying he was "well Jack," when he had two horses and a cow, and almost
crying over his loss. He grew rapidly, and the doctors told me that such
a life would have kept him strong to any age.
One day he came and asked me to let him have a large hoop, to make him
go faster on messages. I thought it childish, and did not regard it; so
he went to my brother with the same request, who inquired his reason.
Jack told him the stage-coaches that passed our gate went very fast,
because the four horses had four large hoops, meaning the wheels, and if
he had a large hoop he could go as fast as the horses. Diverted beyond
measure at such an original idea, my brother sent to Reading for the
largest and best hoop that could be got; and many a laugh we had at
seeing Jack racing beside the London coaches with his wheel, nodding
defiance at the horses, and shouting aloud with glee. He often went six
miles with his wheel, to bear messages and notes to our valued and much-
loved friend General Orde, whom he idolized almost, and who looked on
him as one of the most lovely instances of divine grace he had ever met
with. On the first formation of the British Reformation Society, General
Orde wrote to me, with a prospectus of the intended work. I told it to
Jack, who in rapturous delight gave me his whole worldly fortune of two
shillings, bidding me give it to put it in their pockets, and to bid
good General Orde tell gentlemen to send much Bibles to Kilkenny, that
his father and mother and all the poor people might learn to break the
crucifixes, and love Jesus Christ. I wrote this to the general, who sent
to me for the identical two shillings, which Mr. Noel produced on the
platform, with the dumb boy's message, and I believe it drew many a
piece of gold from the purses of those who saw the gift, which stands
enrolled the very first in the accounts of that noble society's
receipts. Jack often prayed for the Reformation Society, and I believe
his blessing helped them not a little; there was so much faith in all
that he did, such as God alone could give, and he never seemed to
entertain a doubt of obtaining what he asked. Many a sweet instance of
his childlike confidence in the Lord is engraven on my memory, at once
to stimulate and to shame me. His whole experience seemed to be an
illustration of the word of promise, "Ask, and ye shall receive."
One of the things that struck me as being referable to nothing but the
teaching of the Holy Spirit, was the interest manifested by this boy for
the Jews. His active Protestantism was easily accounted for; but to give
him an idea of Judaism would have been impossible. He could not read.
His knowledge of language did not go far enough to enable him to
understand the construction of a sentence; and though he spelled
correctly, and wrote readily whatever he wished to say, and his mode of
expression was generally quite intelligible to others, he did not
comprehend what was spoken or written in the ordinary way. Accustomed to
attach a distinct meaning to every word, and acquainted with very few
besides nouns and a few verbs, which he only used in the present tense,
independent of the pronouns, and without reference to number, he was
quite lost among the other parts of speech. For instance, if I had
wanted to say, "You must go to the village and buy me a small loaf of
bread," I should have expressed it thus: "Jack, go village, money, bread
small, one." Grammatically expressed, the order would have been
unintelligible to him: but few would have misunderstood it in the
uncouth phrase last instanced. He would have gone to the shop, and
writing down, "Bread small, one," would have held out the money, and
made a sign to express what size he wanted. It was this very fact of the
impossibility of conveying to his mind any clear notion of things
invisible and spiritual, that so gloriously manifested the power and
goodness of God in causing the light to shine into his heart. To a
reader who never witnessed the attempts of an intelligent, half-taught
deaf mute to express his meaning and to catch that of others, much of
what I state respecting Jack may and must appear, if not incredible, at
least unintelligible; yet none who ever saw and conversed with him would
fail to substantiate it, and they were very many. That zealous
missionary, Dr. Wolff, visited my brother's cottage when he and I were
both absent, and no one could assist Jack in conversing with him; yet so
great was his delight, that he wanted to take him to Palestine, to
instruct the deaf and dumb in the doctrine of Christ. The Rev. H. H.
Beamish is another who cannot, without emotion, recall his intercourse
with that dying Christian. General Orde, who saw him very frequently,
regarded him as a wonder of divine grace; and the Rev. W. Hancock, his
beloved pastor, who for four years observed him closely, often said he
derived greater encouragement from the experience and the prayers of
that poor boy, than from almost any other earthly source. Unbelievers
will doubt; but those who know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ will
adore.
Still it will be evident that Jack could not read the Bible. He took
great delight in copying it out, dwelling on such words as he knew; but
I have seen him turn over two leaves and go on wholly unconscious, of
any mistake: and I have found among his papers whole pages, composed of
half sentences and single epithets from Scripture, put together in
unbroken paragraphs, without any meaning. With all this, he was ardently
attached to the Jewish cause, and always told me "Jesus Christ love poor
Jew; Jew soon love Jesus Christ." When speaking of them, he would look
very tender and sorrowful, moving his head slowly from side to side, and
his hand as if stroking some object in a caressing way. At such times it
was curious to mark the effect of naming a "priest Roman" to him. In a
moment his aspect changed to something ludicrously repulsive: he stuck
his hands in his sides, puffed out his cheeks to their full extent,
scowled till his brows overhung his eyelids, and generally finished by
appearing to seize a goblet and drain off the contents to the last drop,
inflating his body, stroking it, smacking his lips, and strutting about.
This he did, not as imputing drunkenness to the priesthood, but their
denying the cup to the laity, and swallowing the contents themselves.
Though his acting was laughably comic, his feeling was that of serious
and severe indignation; and he would reprove us for the laughter it was
utterly impossible to restrain, saying, with triumphant confidence, "God
see." * * *
LETTER XI.
SEPARATION.
The two shortest years of my life were now drawing to a close. My
brother had completed his studies, passed his examination, and was under
orders to join his regiment in Ireland. Oh how my heart rose in prayer,
that where I had found a spiritual blessing he also might receive it. I
could not understand the state of his mind on the most vital of all
points: he had imbibed a prejudice so strong against the class of people
called evangelical, that nothing but his generous affection for us would
have induced him to receive under his roof two of that proscribed body,
to say nothing of Jack. He confessed to me, laughing, not long after we
became his inmates, that he supposed we should be falling on our knees
half a dozen times a day, singing psalms all over the house, and setting
our faces against every thing merry or cheerful. He had never been
acquainted with any serious person before going to Portugal, nor during
his short leaves of absence at home: none of that class ever crossed his
path abroad, and he came home prepared to believe any thing that was
told him of the supposed fanatics, whom he understood to be a sort of
ranting dissenters. At Clifton, extremes then ran far; the gay people
most violently denouncing their sober neighbors, and making up all sorts
of scandal concerning them. Hannah More was pointed out as "queen of the
Methodists," and a most infamous lie, wholly destructive of her moral
character, circulated among a narrow but dissipated clique as a known
fact; while the small fry of fanatics were disposed of by dozens in a
similar way. The faithful clergyman, whose ministry we attended, was
absolutely persecuted; and his congregation could expect no better at
the same hands. I am very far from charging this upon the generality of
even worldly people there; but it did exist, visibly and sensibly; and
my dear brother evidently had fallen in with some of these wholesale
calumniators, before he could possibly judge for himself. A visit to
Barley Wood, and a very prolonged interview with the "queen," greatly
staggered his prejudices; he was perfectly charmed with her, and
remarked to me that if all her subjects were like her, they must be a
very agreeable set of people. Still he apprehended an outbreak of
extravagance when we should be fairly installed in his abode; and though
he soon became undeceived, and learned to take the greatest delight in
the society of General Orde, Mr. Sandford, and others equally decided;
though he punctually attended the faithful ministry of Mr. Hancock at
the college chapel, besides his regular appearance at the usual military
service, and would not allow one disparaging word to be uttered in his
presence of that zealous preacher or his deeply spiritual discourses;
though he chose from among his brother officers a bold, uncompromising
Christian as his most intimate associate, and gave many unconscious
indications that he had received the doctrine of man's total corruption,
and the nothingness of his best works; though he became the warm
advocate of a scriptural education for the youthful poor, whom he had
always before considered most safe and happy in total ignorance--still,
with all this, I could not see even in his beautiful devout bearing in
public worship where the reverse so sadly prevailed, and where every
thing approaching to seriousness became a matter of suspicion, that he
was really seeking God. In fact, I had been too much in the trammels of
a system which lays down arbitrary rules, and will not admit that God is
working unless his hand be immediately and openly apparent to all. I
would not believe that what looked green and beautiful was a blade of
corn, just because it had not yet grown to an ear: and I refrained from
speaking when perhaps speech on such subjects would have been more
welcome than he wished to acknowledge, lest the remarks that I longed to
utter might prove unpalatable, and produce the contrary effect to what I
desired. He was only going for a little while: an appointment on the
home-staff was promised, and then I was to live with him again, and I
would zealously pursue the work. Alas, what a rod was prepared for my
unbelief and presumption! The present was slighted, in the confident
expectation of a future that was never to arrive.
We were almost always together out of his college hours. My window
commanded a view of the distant building, and when I saw the preparatory
movement to breaking up, I rose from my desk, tied on my bonnet, and ran
off in sufficient time to meet him very near the college. Both let loose
from six hours' hard work, we were like children out of school, often
racing and laughing with all the buoyancy of our natural high spirits.
The garden, the poultry-yard, and all the little minutiae of our nice
farming establishment, fully occupied the afternoon, while the children
gambolled round, and Jack looked on with smiles, often telling me how
much he loved "beautiful Captain B----," as he constantly called him. At
ten o'clock we parted for the night, I to resume the pen till long after
midnight; he to rest, whence he always rose at four o'clock, devoting
four or five hours to study before we met in the morning. We visited
very little, domestic retirement being the free choice of every one of
us; and nothing could have induced my brother to banish his children
from the parlor or drawing-room. Few things excited his indignation more
than the nursery system: his little ones were the pride of his heart,
the delight of his eyes, the objects of his fondest care. He often said
he intended his boys to be gentlemen, and therefore would not allow them
to imbibe the tastes and habits of the kitchen. The consequence is that
his boys are gentlemen.
Thus dwelling in love, united in every plan and pursuit, our time fairly
divided between diligent work and healthful recreation amid the delights
of rural life, do you marvel that I call this period my two shortest
years? Had no previous circumstances given tenfold brilliancy to these
lights by casting a depth of black shadow behind them, or no menacing
future hung over the present enjoyment, still there was enough to make
it indeed an oasis; but it was more. I cannot doubt that the Lord
mercifully gave me a foreboding of what was to come, in the intolerable
anguish of what seemed to be but a very short parting, with a delightful
prospect of renewed domestic comfort just beyond. Yet so it was: I
almost died under the trial of that farewell; and for three weeks
before, and as long after, I never had a night's rest. Visions of terror
were constantly before me, among which a scene of drowning was so
perpetually recurring that I have often started from my bed under the
vivid impression. This was the more strange because we had always been
so fearlessly fond of the water: in our early days we had a little boat,
just big enough for him to row and me to steer, in which we used to take
excursions on the river Wensum, and never thought of danger. At
Sandhurst too we were frequently upon the lake, and had both become
familiarized with ocean, until of all perils those of the water were
least likely to daunt me, either for myself or him: yet in most imminent
peril we had once been placed; and at this time it would recur to my
memory with tormenting frequency.
I was about seven years old, and he though younger was much the larger
of the two, a stout hearty boy, and I a very frail delicate little
creature, thanks to the doctors and their pet drug. Our parents went out
for a day's excursion with a friend, and of course we accompanied them.
The place was one celebrated for good fishing, and the gentlemen having
enjoyed a long morning's sport, remained in the house with my mother,
sending us out to play. We had strict charge not to go too near the
water, nor on any account to get into a boat, of which there were
several on the river. We strolled about, and at last came to the brink
of this river, to admire a barge or wherry which lay close to the little
pier; for it was a public ferry, and the depth very great. A small boat
just by attracted my brother's attention, who wished to get into it,
until I reminded him of the prohibition, when he said, "I wont get into
it, Char., but I will sit down here and put my two feet in the little
boat." He did so: the boat moved, and in his alarm trying to rise, he
fell and disappeared.