short distance of our destination; we were suddenly caught by a
tremendous wind from the south, which blew us right in the direction of
Cape Sable, one of the most fatal headlands in those seas. Night closed
upon us and the gale increased; sails were spread, in a desperate hope
of shifting the vessel's course, but were instantly torn into ribbons.
At one time, for a moment, the rudder broke loose, the tiller-rope
giving way under the violent strain upon it; and the next minute the
spanker-boom, an immense piece of timber, snapped like a reed. It was an
awful scene: on the leeside the ship lay so low in the water that every
thing was afloat in the sleeping cabins; and the poor ladies were
screaming over their terrified children, unheeded by the gentlemen,
every one of whom was on deck. The captain openly declared we were bound
for the bottom, if a very sudden and unlikely change of wind did not
take place. In the midst of all this, I was reported missing, and as I
had the privilege of being every body's care, because, for the time
being, I belonged to nobody, a search was commenced. A young officer
found me, at last, so singularly situated, that he went and reported me
to the captain. I had climbed three tiers of lockers in the state cabin,
opened one of the large stern windows, and was leaning out, as far as I
could reach, enraptured beyond expression with the terrific grandeur of
the scene. The sky above was black as midnight and the storm could make
it, overhanging us like a large pall, and rendered awfully visible by
the brilliancy of the waters beneath. I had heard of that phosphorescent
appearance in the sea, but never could have imagined its grandeur, nor
can I essay to describe it. Even in perfect stillness the illuminated
element would have looked magnificent; what, then must it have been in a
state of excessive, tumultuous agitation, the waves swelling up to a
fearful height and then bursting into sheets of foam; every drop
containing some luminous animalculæ sparkling with vivid, yet delicate
lustre? We were going with headlong speed before the wind, and I hung
right over the track of the rudder, a wild, mad eddy of silver foam,
intermingled with fire. There was something in the scene that far
overpassed all my extravagant imaginings of the terribly sublime. The
hurry, the fierceness, the riot of those unfettered waters, the wild
flash of their wondrous lights, the funereal blackness of the
overhanging clouds, and the deep, desperate plunge of our gallant ship,
as she seemed to rend her way through an opposing chaos--it was perfect
delirium; and no doubt I should have appeared in keeping with the rest
to any external observer, for I was stretching out at the window, the
combs had fallen from my hair, which streamed as wildly as the rent
sails; and I was frequently deluged by some bursting wave, as the dip of
the vessel brought me down almost to the surface. The peril of an open
window was startling to those on deck, and the captain, hearing that I
refused to relinquish my post, sent the mate to put up the dead-lights;
so I sat down on the floor, buried my face in my hands, and strove to
realize the magnificence thus rent from my sight.
Yes, God's works in the great deep are indeed wonders. Nothing landward
can possibly approach them: in the rudest tempest the ground remains
firm, and you feel that you are a spectator; but at sea you are a part
of the storm. The plank whereon you stand refuses to support you, ever
shifting its inclination; while the whole of your frail tenement is now
borne aloft, now dashed into the liquid furrow beneath, now struck back
by a head-sea with a shock that makes every timber quiver, now flung on
one side as if about to reverse itself in the bosom of the deep. No
doubt the sense of personal danger, the death-pang already anticipated,
the dark abyss that yawns before the sinner, and the heaven opening on a
believer's soul, must each and any of them deaden the sense to what I
have vainly sought to describe; and I suppose this accounts for the
astonishment expressed by the whole party at my singular conduct, when
the youth who was sent to warn me of the peril, described my half-angry,
half-reproachful pettishness at the interruption: "Can't you let me
enjoy it in peace, Mr. J----? Shall I ever see any thing like it again?
Do go away." "But the captain says the window _must_ be shut."
"Then take me on deck, and you may shut it." "That is utterly
impossible; no lady could stand for an instant on deck, your drapery
would bear you over the ship's side." "Then I wont shut the window: so
go and tell Captain L---- not to tease me with messages."
This was downright recklessness. I wonder when recalling it to mind, and
feel that I could not have thus sported with death after I acquired a
good and solid hope of everlasting life. The act of dying had always
great terrors for me, until, through adverse circumstances, I seemed to
have nothing worth living for, and then I could laugh at it in my own
heart. Strange to say, that fearfulness of the passage through the dark
valley returned with double force when I had realized a personal claim
to the guiding rod and the supporting staff, and the bright inheritance
beyond. But before this period of blessedness, of joy and peace in
believing arrived, I had to pass through many waters of affliction, and
to experience remarkable interpositions at His hand who was leading me
by a path which I knew not.
Two of them I will mention. While at Annapolis and at Windsor, I had a
horse provided for me of rare beauty and grace, but a perfect Bucephalus
in her way. This creature was not three years old, and, to all
appearance, unbroken. Her manners were those of a kid rather than of a
horse; she was of a lovely dappled grey, with mane and tail of silver,
the latter almost sweeping the ground; and in her frolicsome gambols she
turned it over her back like a Newfoundland dog. Her slow step was a
bound; her swift motion unlike that of any other animal I ever rode, so
fleet, so smooth, so unruffled--I know nothing to which I can compare
it. Well, I made this lovely creature so fond of me by constant petting,
to which I suppose her Arab character made her peculiarly sensitive,
that my voice had equal power over her as over my docile, faithful dog.
No other person could in the slightest degree control her. Our corps,
the seventh battalion of the sixtieth Rifles, was composed wholly of the
elite of Napoleon's soldiers, taken in the Peninsula, and preferring the
British service to a prison. They were principally conscripts, and many
were evidently of a higher class in society than is usually found in the
ranks. Among them were several Chasseurs and Polish Lancers, very fine
equestrians, and as my husband had a field officer's command--on
detachments--and allowances, our horses were well looked after. His
groom was a Chasseur, mine a Pole; but neither could ride Fairy, unless
she happened to be in a very gracious mood. Lord Dalhousie's English
coachman afterwards tried his hand at taming her, but all in vain. In an
easy quiet way, she either sent her rider over her head, or by a
laughable manoeuvre sitting down like a dog on her haunches, slipped him
off the other way. Her drollery made the poor men so fond of her that
she was rarely chastised; and such a wilful, intractable wild Arab it
would be hard to find. Upon her I was daily mounted; and surely the Lord
watched over me then indeed. Inexperienced in riding, untaught,
unassisted, and wholly unable to lay any check upon so powerful an
animal, with an awkward country saddle, which by some fatality was never
well fixed, bit and bridle to match, and the mare's natural fire
increased by high feed, behold me bound for the wildest paths in the
wildest regions of that wild country. But you must explore the roads
about Annapolis, and the romantic spot called "The General's Bridge," to
imagine either the enjoyment or the perils of that my happiest hour.
Reckless to the last degree of desperation, I threw myself entirely on.
the fond attachment of the noble creature; and when I saw her measuring
with her eye some rugged fence or wild chasm, such as it was her common
sport to leap over in her play, the soft word of remonstrance that
checked her was uttered more from regard to her safety than my own. The
least whisper, a pat on the neck, or a stroke down the beautiful face
that she used to throw up towards mine, would control her: and never for
a moment did she endanger me. This was little short of a daily miracle,
when we consider the nature of the country, her character, and my
unskilfulness. It can only be accounted for on the ground of that
wondrous power which having willed me to work for a time in the vineyard
of the Lord, rendered me immortal until the work should be done. Oh that
my soul, and all that is within me could sufficiently bless the Lord,
and remember all his benefits.
I was then unmindful of, and unthankful for his protection; I revelled
in the delights of a freedom that none could share but my dog, who never
left the side of his associate. Shall I give you a sketch of the group,
in some lines composed during one of those excursions? They may partly
describe it. I found, them among some old papers.
"I know by the ardor thou canst not restrain,
By the curve of thy neck and the toss of thy mane,
By the foam of thy snorting which spangles my brow,
The fire of the Arab is hot in thee now.
'Twere harsh to control thee, my frolicsome steed;
I give thee the rein--so away at thy speed;
Thy rider will dare to be wilful as thee,
Laugh the future to scorn, and partake in thy glee.
Away to the mountain--what need we to fear?
Pursuit cannot press on my Fairy's career;
Full light were the heel and well-balanced the head
That ventured to follow the track of thy tread,
Where roars the loud torrent and starts the rude plank,
And thunders the rook-severed mass down the bank,
While mirrored in crystal the far-shooting glow,
With dazzling effulgence is sparkling below.
One start, and I die; yet in peace I recline,
My bosom can rest on the fealty of thine:
Thou lov'st me, my sweet one, and would'st not be free,
From a yoke that has never borne rudely on thee.
Ah, pleasant the empire of those to confess,
Whose wrath is a whisper, their rule a caress.
"Behold how thy playmate is stretching beside,
As loath to be vanquished in love or in pride,
While upward he glances his eyeball of jet,
Half dreading thy fleetness may distance him yet.
Ah, Marco, poor Marco--our pastime to-day
Were reft of one pleasure if he were away.
"How precious these moments: fair freedom expands
Her pinions of light o'er the desolate lands;
The waters are flashing as bright as thine eye,
Unchained as thy motion the breezes sweep by,
Delicious they come, o'er the flower-scented earth,
Like whispers of love from the isle of my birth;
While the white-bosomed Cistus her perfume exhales,
And sighs out a spicy farewell to the gales.
Unfeared and unfearing we'll traverse the wood,
Where pours the rude torrent its turbulent flood:
The forest's red children will smile as we scour
By the log-fashioned hut and the pine-woven bower;
Thy feathery footsteps scarce bending the grass,
Or denting the dew-spangled moss where we pass
"What startles thee? 'Twas but the sentinel gun
Flashed a vesper salute to thy rival the sun;
He has closed his swift progress before thee, and sweeps
With fetlock of gold the last verge of the steeps.
The fire-fly anon from his covert shall glide,
And dark fall the shadows of eve on the tide.
Tread softly--my spirit is joyous no more.
A northern aurora, it shone and is o'er;
The tears will fall fast as I gather the rein,
And a long look reverts to yon shadowy plain."
* * * * *
There is more of it, but nothing to the purpose of the present history.
It cost me something to transcribe this, so vividly is the past recalled
by it. Would to God I might more fully devote to his service every day
of the life so wonderfully preserved by him.
In addition to this continuous preservation on horseback, I experienced
the same interposing providence when violently upset in a gig. The road
where it occurred was strewn with broken rocks on either side, for
miles; and scarcely one clear spot appeared, save that on which I was
thrown, where a carpet of the softest grass overspread a perfect level
of about twelve feet in length, and nearly the same in width. Here I
fell, with no other injury than a contusion on the hip. The gig was
completely reversed, the horse dashed on till he ran one of the shafts
into a bank, and set himself fast.
My sojourn in this interesting country was of two years' duration,
marked with many mercies, among the greatest of which was the
uninterrupted enjoyment of perfect health, although my first winter
there was the most severe that had been known for thirty years, and the
following summer one of the most oppressively hot they had ever
experienced. The gradations of spring, autumn, and twilight, are there
scarcely known, and the sudden transition from summer to winter is as
trying to the health of an European as that from day to night is
uncongenial to the taste. Here, too, I repented at leisure, and amended
with no small difficulty and labor, my neglect of those accomplishments
to which my dear mother had so often vainly solicited my attention. The
pencil was profitless; I had long thrown it by: books were no longer an
adequate set-off against realities, even could I have conjured up a
library in the wilderness of Nova Scotia's inland settlement; but the
culinary and confectionary branches were there invaluable, and in them I
was wofully deficient. Had I not coaxed the old French soldier who
officiated as mess-cook to give me a few lessons, we must have lived on
raw meal and salt rations during weeks when the roads were completely
snowed up, and no provisions could he brought in. However, I proved an
apt scholar to poor Sebastian, and to the kind neighbors who initiated
me into the mysteries of preserves and pastry. Young ladies cannot tell
into what situations events may throw them; and I would strongly
recommend the revival of that obsolete study called good housewifery.
The woman who cannot dispense with female servants, must not travel. I
had none for six months, keen winter months, in Annapolis; the only
persons who could be found disengaged being of characters wholly
inadmissible. The straits to which I was put were any thing but
laughable at the time, though the recollection now often excites a
smile. Indeed no perfection in European housekeeping would avail to
guard against the devastations that a Nova Scotian frost will make, if
not met by tactics peculiar to that climate. How could I anticipate that
a fine piece of beef, fresh-killed, brought in at noon still warm, would
by two o'clock require smart blows with a hatchet to slice off a steak;
or that half-a-dozen plates, perfectly dry, placed at a moderate
distance from the fire preparatory to dinner, would presently separate
into half a hundred fragments, through the action of heat on their
frosted pores; or that milk drawn from a cow within sight of my
breakfast-table would be sheeted with ice on its passage thither; or
that a momentary pause, for the choice of a fitting phrase in writing a
letter, would load the nib of my pen with a black icicle? If I did not
cry over my numerous breakages and other disasters, it was under the
apprehension of tears freezing on my eyelids; and truly they might have
done so, for my fingers were once in that awful condition that must have
ended in mortification, but for the presence of mind of a poor soldier,
who, seeing me running to the fire in that state, drew his bayonet to
bar my approach, and wrapping a coarse cloth round my lifeless hands,
muff-fashion, compelled me to walk up and down the spacious hall until
the circulation returned, which it did with a sensation of agony that
well-nigh took away my senses. This was a most signal escape, for I was
wholly ignorant of my danger, and not a little perplexed and annoyed at
the insubordinate conduct of the veteran, who was a model of respectful
humility. Had he, poor fellow, known how busy those fingers would one
day be against his religion--for he was a French Romanist--he might have
been tempted to sheath his bayonet and give me free access to the
tempting fire, the immense faggots of which would have sufficed to roast
a heretic.
Nova Scotia is, I firmly believe, the most generally and devotedly loyal
of all our colonies: the attachment of its people to the mother-country
is beautiful, and their partisanship in all questions between us and the
States most zealous. The only fault I had to find with them was their
indifference towards the poor relics of the Indian race still dwelling
in the woods, who were to me objects of the liveliest interest even
before I had any feeling of Christian duty towards the heathen--or
towards such as those who are worse than heathen, being numbered among
the members of the Romish church, and utterly, wretchedly ignorant even
of such little truth as remains buried under the mass of antichristian
error, to make its darkness more visible. The Indians are wholly
despised; scarcely looked on as beings of the same race, by the
generality of the colonists. Where Christian principle prevails, they
become of course important in the highest degree; but I speak of what I
saw, when vital godliness was little known among them, and I can aver
that even Lord Dalhousie scarcely could succeed in stirring up a
momentary interest for the dispersed aborigines. That excellent nobleman
devoted himself very warmly to the work of attempting their
civilization; and told me that if a few would join him heartily and
zealously in the effort, he should succeed; but that, between,
lukewarmness on the one side and suspicion on the other, he found
himself completely baffled. It was not to be wondered at that the
Indians had a lurking dread of experiencing again the hardships, not to
say the treachery and cruelty, inflicted on their fathers. I enjoyed a
high place in the affection and confidence of those interesting people,
the origin of which may help to prove at how light an estimate the poor
creatures were generally rated by their white brethren. My claim on
their attachment consisted in nothing more than the performance of a
bounden duty in sheltering for a few weeks one of their number who had,
in a most unprovoked and cruel manner, been wounded by a party of our
soldiers and left to perish in the woods.
How beautiful do the white cliffs of Albion appear in the eyes of the
returning wanderer who has learned by a foreign sojourn to estimate the
comforts, the privileges, the blessings of this island home. No place
could be more thoroughly English in feeling, habits, and principles,
than Nova Scotia; but it was not England. The violent transition of
seasons, so different from the soft gradations by which, with us, winter
brightens into summer, and summer fades into winter, marked a contrast
far from pleasing; and the intensity of cold, the fierceness of heat,
alike unknown in our temperate climate, forced comparisons far from
agreeable. Thus, on the lowest ground of a wholly selfish feeling, the
approach to nay native shore could not be otherwise than delightful; but
viewed as the mother-land, as the great emporium of commerce, the chief
temple of liberty, the nurse of military prowess, the unconquered
champion of all that is nationally great throughout the world, the sight
of our free and happy isle is indeed an inspiring one to those who can
appreciate moral grandeur. How much more, in the eyes of the Christian,
is she to be esteemed as the glory of all lands, as possessing the true
knowledge of God, and laboring to spread that knowledge throughout the
world; the land of Protestantism, the land of the Bible.
I really cannot understand the meaning, nor fancy what may be the
feeling, of those who profess to have merged their patriotism in
something of universal good-will to the household of faith all over the
world. It seems to me every whit as unnatural as that the member of a
Christian family should forego all the sweets of conjugal, parental,
filial, fraternal love, in the determination to feel an equal regard for
his neighbor's wife, husband, etc., as for his own; and, moreover, to
take an equal concern in the affairs of his neighbor's kitchen as in his
own household matters. This sort of generalizing regard would throw our
respective establishments into singular confusion, and might betray
ourselves into sundry false positions, and very awkward predicaments.
However, the comparative extinction of natural affection would form the
most prominently reprehensible feature in the case; and I cannot but
think that the boasted cosmopolitanism of some good people would wear an
aspect not very dissimilar, if rightly and soberly viewed. Certainly I
could no more tear the love of country from my heart, than I could the
love of kindred; and when my step again pressed the English strand, it
was with a sensation almost resembling the fabled invigoration of the
Titans, who derived new life, new strength, new enterprise, from coming
in contact with their mother earth.
England, indeed, contained little that was personally endearing to me,
except my beloved surviving parent; but it was a joyous thing to embrace
her once more, after the deep roll of the ocean had separated us for
nearly three years; during a portion of which she had been learning to
prize her native land, in a disgusting region of all that is most
directly opposed to liberty, civil or religious--to honorable feeling,
just conduct, honest principle, or practical decency. In short, she had
been in Portugal.
LETTER V.
IRELAND.
I now arrive at an epoch from which I may date the commencement of all
that deserves to be called life, inasmuch as I had hitherto been living
without God in the world. My existence was a feverish dream of vain
pleasure first, and then of agitations and horrors. My mind was a chaos
of useless information, my character a mass of unapplied energies, my
heart a waste of unclaimed affections, and my hope an enigma of confused
speculations. I had plenty to do, yet felt that I was doing nothing; and
there was a growing want within my bosom, a craving after I know not
what--a restless, unsatisfied, unhappy feeling, that seemed in quest of
some unknown good. How this was awakened, I know not; it was
unaccompanied with any conviction of my own sinfulness, or any doubt of
my perfect safety as a child of God. I did not anticipate any
satisfaction from change of place; but readily prepared to obey a
summons from my husband to follow him to Ireland, whither he had gone to
engage in a law-suit. To be sure I hated Ireland most cordially; I had
never seen it, and as a matter of choice would have preferred New South
Wales, so completely was I influenced by the prevailing prejudice
against that land of barbarism. Many people despise Ireland, who, if you
demand a reason, will tell you it is a horrid place, and the people all
savages; but if you press for proofs and illustrations, furthermore such
deponents say not.
On a dull day in April I took my place, a solitary traveller, in the
Shrewsbury coach, quite ignorant as to the road I was to travel, and far
less at home than I should have been in the wildest part of North
America, or on the deck of a ship bound to circumnavigate the globe. We
rattled out of London, and the first thing that at all roused my
attention was a moonlight view of Oxford, where we stopped at midnight
to change horses. Those old grey towers, and mighty masses of ancient
building, on which the silvery ray fell with fine effect, awoke in my
bosom two melancholy trains of thought; one was the recollection of my
father, whose enthusiastic attachment to his own university had often
provoked warm discussion with the no less attached Cantabs of our old
social parties, and who often held out to me, as the greatest of earthly
gratifications, a visit with him to that seat of learning which he would
describe in glowing colors. But where was my father now? His poor girl,
the delight of his eyes and treasure of his heart, was in Oxford, with
none to guide, none to guard, none to speak a cheering word to her. I
shrunk back in the coach, and grieved over this till a sudden turning
once more threw before me the outline of some magnificent old fabric
bathed in moonlight, and that called up a fit of patriotism, calculated
to darken, yet more the prospect before me. This was England, my own
proud England; and these "the cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous
palaces," that distinguished her seats of learning above all others, I
was bound for Ireland. What English young lady had ever studied the
history of that remote, half-civilized settlement, called Ireland? Not
I, certainly, nor any of my acquaintance; but I took it for granted that
Ireland had no antiquities, nothing to distinguish her from other
barbarous lands, except that her people ate potatoes, made blunders, and
went to mass. I felt it a sort of degradation to have an Irish name, and
to go there as a resident; but comforted myself by resolving never in
one particular to give in to any Irish mode of living, speaking, or
thinking, and to associate only with such as had been at least educated
in England.