LITERARY CONUNDRUMS
What American poet may be considered equal to three-fifths of the
poets ancient and modern? Poe.
The names of which two Greek poems will you mention on alluding to
their author's peculiar manner and indisposition? Homer's Odd-I-see
and Ill-I-add.
Why is an unskillful physician like Peleus' son, Achilles? Because
both have "sent many souls to Hades ere their time."
What injury did the Lavinia of Thomson's "Seasons" do to young
Palemon? She pulled his ears and trod on his corns.
If a tough beefsteak could speak, what English poet would it mention?
Chaw-sir (Chaucer).
Was it John Byrom who, in comparing two celebrated musicians, said
one was Tweedledum, the other only Tweedledee? If so, state which of
these two names was the more difficult to write. Tweedledum, because
he wrote the other with more e's (ease).
Why was it a mistake to imagine that Robinson Crusoe's island was
uninhabited? Because the very first thing he saw upon landing was a
great swell a pitchin' into a little "cove" on the shore.
What prescription is the best for a poet? A composing draught.
Why is an author the most wonderful man in the world? Because his
tale (tail) comes out of his head.
Why was Bulwer more likely to get tired of novel-writing than Warren?
Because Bulwer wrote "Night and Morning," Warren only "Now and Then."
What author would eye-glasses and spectacles mention to the world if
they could only speak? Eusebius (you see by us).
Why is a wax candle like Dickens' last work? Because it's a cereal
(serial) work.
When is a slug like a poem of Tennyson's? When it's in a garden
("Enoch Arden").
How do we know Lord Byron was good-tempered? Because he always kept
his choler (collar) down.
How can you instantly convict one of error when stating who was the
earliest poet? By mentioning one Prior.
What was the most melancholy fact in the history of Milton? That he
could "recite" his poems, but not re-sight himself.
Why do we speak of poetic fire? Because if the ancient Scandinavians
had their "Skalds," we have also had our Burns.
What English poet does a mummy resemble? Dryden (dried-'un).
What lady of the Dante family is most often spoken of? Ann-dante.
Why are baldheaded men in danger of dying? Because "Death loves a
shining mark."
What poem of Hood's resembles a tremendous Roman nose? "The Bridge of
Sighs" (the bridge of size).
Why was Dickens a greater writer than Shakespeare? Shakespeare wrote
well, but Dickens wrote Weller.
What proof have we that Cowper was in debt? He "oh'd for a lodge in
some vast wilderness."
Why should the poet have expected the woodman to "spare that tree?"
Because he thought he was a good feller (fellow).
Why are the relics of the departed like a man whose pocket has been
robbed and the thief escaped? Because they have both felt "the touch
of a vanished hand."
When is a pie like a poet? When it's Browning.
What best describes and most impedes a Pilgrim's Progress? Bunyan
(bunion).
Why are Addison's works like a looking-glass? Because in them we see
the "Spectator."
Was Othello thinking of his wife when he killed her? No, 's mother.
What toe would you rather kiss than the Pope's? Mrs. Beecher S-towe.
Who was the first whistler, and what tune did he whistle? The
wind,--"Over the Hills and Far Away."
Who wrote most, Dickens or Bulwer? Dickens. He wrote "All the Year
Round," while Bulwer wrote "Night and Morning."
What countryman was Burns? A Scorchman.
What change of identity did the "Beggar's Opera" effect? It made Gay
rich, and Rich gay.
When was the greatest destruction of poultry? When King Claudius of
Denmark "did murder most foul."
Why are the abbreviations of degrees tacked on to a man's name? To
show that he is a man of letters.
"Why," asked Moore, the poet, "is love like a potato?" Because it
shoots from the eyes, "and," added Byron, "gets less by pairing."
If Falstaff had been musical what instrument would he have chosen
after dinner? The sackbut.
Why is it almost certain that Shakespeare was a broker? Because no
man has furnished so many stock quotations.
Why is a statistician like a writer of one of the Six Best Sellers?
Because he is the author of well-figured fiction.
Why are Parliamentary reports called "Blue Books?" Because they are
never re(a)d.
Why is an architect like a newspaper writer? Because he gets so much
"per column" for his work.
Why was Blackstone like an Irish vegetable? Because he was a common
tatur (commentator).
Is there any bird which can recite the "Lays of Ancient Rome?" Yes,
certainly, Macaw-lays.
Why cannot the Irish perform the play of "Hamlet?" Because they
cannot help making "Aphalia" (a failure) of the heroine.
What was Othello's occupation in Venice? That of a lawyer, because he
was attorney-general (a tawny general).
If you took off your boot and put your foot in the fire, what opera
of Verdi's would it instantly make you? Rigoletto (wriggle-a-toe).
Why are unsuccessful contestants for a prize like Shakespeare?
Because they have made "Much Ado About Nothing."
What is the difference between living "in marble halls" and aboard
ship? In the former you have "vassals and serfs at your side," and in
the latter you have vessels and surfs at your side.
Why is it quite reasonable that Dickens' later plots should be
complicated? Because one of his earlier works was all of a twist
(Oliver Twist).
Why have the inhabitants of the city of Boston less need of foreign
bards than those of any other city? Because they can always find
poetry in their own "Holmes."
Why is a competent lawyer like a bloodstone set in jet? Because he is
deep read (red) in Blackstone.
NAMES OF AUTHORS
A slang expression. Dickens.
A brighter and a smarter one. Whittier.
Put a grain 'twixt an ant and a bee, and a well-beloved poet you'll
see. Bryant.
It comes from a pig. Bacon.
II. Mark Twain.
A ten-footer whose name begins with fifty. Longfellow.
Part of a lady's wearing apparel used long ago. Spencer.
What is an oyster heap likely to become? Shelley.
It is worn on the head. Hood.
A worker in precious metals. Goldsmith.
What is the value of a word? Wordsworth.
A domestic animal. Lamb.
He mends and repairs. Cooper.
Many people would like to kiss him. Pope.
It pertains to a monastery. Abbott.
A domestic servant. Cook.
Which is the better playwright, William Shakespeare or Brinsley
Sheridan? Willis.
Part of a fish. Finley.
What the children delight in at the seashore. Sands.