A PROFESSIONAL HERMIT APPEARS
Every morning at eight, when slumber's chains had bound Mr. Magee in his
New York apartments, he was awakened by a pompous valet named Geoffrey
whom he shared with the other young men in the building. It was
Geoffrey's custom to enter, raise the curtains, and speak of the weather
in a voice vibrant with feeling, as of something he had prepared himself
and was anxious to have Mr. Magee try. So, when a rattling noise came to
his ear on his first morning at Baldpate Inn, Mr. Magee breathed
sleepily from the covers: "Good morning, Geoffrey."
But no cheery voice replied in terms of sun, wind, or rain. Surprised,
Mr. Magee sat up in bed. About him, the maple-wood furniture of suite
seven stood shivering in the chill of a December morning. Through the
door at his left he caught sight of a white tub into which, he recalled
sadly, not even a Geoffrey could coax a glittering drop. Yes--he was at
Baldpate Inn. He remembered--the climb with the dazed Quimby up the
snowy road, the plaint of the lovelorn haberdasher, the vagaries of the
professor with a penchant for blondes, the mysterious click of the
door-latch on the floor above. And last of all--strange that it should
have been last--a girl in blue corduroy somewhat darker than her eyes,
who wept amid the station's gloom.
"I wonder," reflected Mr. Magee, staring at the very brassy bars at the
foot of his bed, "what new variations on seclusion the day will bring
forth?"
Again came the rattling noise that had awakened him. He looked toward
the nearest window, and through an unfrosted corner of the pane he saw
the eyes of the newest variation staring at him in wonder. They were
dark eyes, and kindly; they spoke a desire to enter.
Rising from his warm retreat, Mr. Magee took his shivering way across
the uncarpeted floor and unfastened the window's catch. From the
blustering balcony a plump little man stepped inside. He had a market
basket on his arm. His face was a stranger to razors; his hair to
shears. He reminded Mr. Magee of the celebrated doctor who came every
year to the small town of his boyhood, there to sell a wonderful healing
herb to the crowds on the street corner.
Magee dived hastily back under the covers. "Well?" he questioned.
"So you're the fellow," remarked the little man in awe. He placed the
basket on the floor; it appeared to be filled with bromidic groceries,
such as the most subdued householder carries home.
"Which fellow?" asked Mr. Magee.
"The fellow Elijah Quimby told me about," explained he of the long brown
locks. "The fellow that's come up to Baldpate Inn to be alone with his
thoughts."
"You're one of the villagers, I take it," guessed Mr. Magee.
"You're dead wrong. I'm no villager. My instincts are all in the other
direction--away from the crowd. I live up near the top of Baldpate, in a
little shack I built myself. My name's Peters--Jake Peters--in the
winter. But in the summer, when the inn's open, and the red and white
awnings are out, and the band plays in the casino every night--then I'm
the Hermit of Baldpate Mountain. I come down here and sell picture
post-cards of myself to the ladies."
Mr. Magee appeared overcome with mirth.
"A professional hermit, by the gods!" he cried. "Say, I didn't know
Baldpate Mountain was fitted up with all the modern improvements. This
is great luck. I'm an amateur at the hermit business, you'll have to
teach me the fine points. Sit down."
"Just between ourselves, I'm not a regular hermit," said the plump
bewhiskered one, sitting gingerly on the edge of a frail chair. "Not one
of these 'all for love of a woman' hermits you read about in books. Of
course, I have to pretend I am, in summer, in order to sell the cards
and do my whole duty by the inn management. A lot of the women ask me in
soft tones about the great disappointment that drove me to old Baldpate,
and I give 'em various answers, according to how I feel. Speaking to you
as a friend, and considering the fact that it's the dead of winter, I
may say there was little or no romance in my life. I married early, and
stayed married a long time. I came up here for peace and quiet, and
because I felt a man ought to read something besides time-tables and
tradesmen's bills, and have something over his head besides a first and
second mortgage."
"Back to nature, in other words," remarked Mr. Magee.
"Yes, sir--back with a rush. I was down to the village this morning for
a few groceries, and I stopped off at Quimby's, as I often do. He told
me about you. I help him a lot around the inn, and we arranged I was to
stop in and start your fire, and do any other little errands you might
want done. I thought we ought to get acquainted, you and me, being as
we're both literary men, after a manner of speaking."
"No?" cried Mr. Magee.
"Yes," said the Hermit of Baldpate. "I dip into that work a little now
and then. Some of my verses on the joys of solitude have appeared in
print--on the post-cards I sell to the guests in the summer. But my
life-work, as you might call it, is a book I've had under way for some
time. It's called simply _Woman_. Just that one word--but, oh, the
meaning in it! That book is going to prove that all the trouble in the
world, from the beginning of time, was caused by females. Not just say
so, mind you. Prove it!"
"A difficult task, I'm afraid," smiled Magee.
"Not difficult--long," corrected the hermit. "When I started out, four
years ago, I thought it would just be a case of a chapter on Eve, and
honorable mention for Cleopatra and Helen of Troy, and a few more like
that, and the thing would be done. But as I got into the subject, I was
fairly buried under new evidence. Then Mr. Carnegie came along and gave
Upper Asquewan Falls a library. It's wonderful to think the great works
that man will be responsible for. I've dedicated _Woman_ to him. Since
the new library, I've dug up information about a thousand disasters I
never dreamed of before, and I contend that if you go back a ways in any
one of 'em, you'll find the fluffy little lady that started the whole
rumpus. So I hunt the woman. I reckon the French would call me the
greatest _cherchez la femme_ in history."
"A fascinating pursuit," laughed Mr. Magee. "I'm glad you've told me
about it, and I shall watch the progress of the work with interest.
Although I can't say that I entirely agree with you. Here and there is a
woman who more than makes amends for whatever trouble her sisters have
caused. One, for instance, with golden hair, and eyes that when they
weep--"
"You're young," interrupted the little man, rising. "There ain't no use
to debate it with you. I might as well try to argue with a storm at sea.
Some men keep the illusion to the end of their days, and I hope you're
one. I reckon I'll start your fire."
He went into the outer room, and Mr. Magee lay for a few moments
listening to his preparations about the fireplace. This was comfort, he
thought. And yet, something was wrong. Was it the growing feeling of
emptiness inside? Undoubtedly. He sat up in bed and leaning over, gazed
into the hermit's basket. The packages he saw there made his feeling of
emptiness the more acute.
"I say, Mr. Peters," he cried, leaping from bed and running into the
other room, where the hermit was persuading a faint blaze, "I've an
idea. You can cook, can't you?"
"Cook?" repeated the hermit. "Well, yes, I've had to learn a few things
about it, living far from the rathskellars the way I do."
"The very man," rejoiced Mr. Magee. "You must stay here and cook for
me--for us."
"Us?" asked the hermit, staring.
"Yes. I forgot to tell you. After Mr. Quimby left me last night, two
other amateur hermits hove in view. One is a haberdasher with a broken
heart--"
"Woman," cried the triumphant Peters.
"Name, Arabella," laughed Magee. "The other's a college professor who
made an indiscreet remark about blondes. You won't mind them, I'm sure,
and they may be able to help you a lot with your great work."
"I don't know what Quimby will say," studied the hermit. "I reckon he'll
run 'em out. He's against this thing--afraid of fire."
"Quimby will come later," Mr. Magee assured him, drawing on a
dressing-gown. "Just now the idea is a little water in yonder tub, and a
nice cheerful breakfast after. It's going to pay you a lot better than
selling post-cards to romantic ladies, I promise you. I won't take you
away from a work for which the world is panting without more than making
it up to you financially. Where do you stand as a coffee maker?"
"Wait till you taste it," said Peters reassuringly. "I'll bring you up
some water."
He started for the door, but Mr. Magee preceded him.
"The haberdasher," he explained, "sleeps below, and he's a nervous man.
He might commit the awful error of shooting the only cook on Baldpate
Mountain."
Mr. Magee went out into the hall and called from the depths the figure
of Bland, fully attired in his flashy garments, and looking tawdry and
tired in the morning light.
"I've been up hours," he remarked. "Heard somebody knocking round the
kitchen, but I ain't seen any breakfast brought in on a silver tray. My
inside feels like the Mammoth Cave."
Mr. Magee introduced the Hermit of Baldpate.
"Pleased to meet you," said Bland. "I guess it was you I heard in the
kitchen. So you're going to cater to this select few, are you? Believe
me, you can't get on the job any too soon to suit me."
Out of a near-by door stepped the black-garbed figure of Professor
Thaddeus Bolton, and him Mr. Magee included in the presentation
ceremonies. After the hermit had disappeared below, burdened with his
market basket and the supplies Mr. Magee had brought the night before,
the three amateurs at the hermit game gathered by the fire in number
seven, and Mr. Bland spoke feelingly:
"I don't know where you plucked that cook, but believe me, you get a
vote of thanks from yours truly. What is he--an advertisement for a hair
restorer?"
"He's a hermit," explained Magee, "and lives in a shack near the
mountain-top. Hermits and barbers aren't supposed to mix. He's also an
author, and is writing a book in which he lays all the trouble of the
ages at the feet of woman. Please treat him with the respect all these
dignified activities demand."
"A writer, you say," commented Professor Bolton. "Let us hope it will
not interfere with his cooking abilities. For even I, who am not much
given to thought about material things, must admit the presence of a
gnawing hunger within."
They talked little, being men unfed, while Jake Peters started
proceedings in the kitchen, and tramped up-stairs with many pails of
water. Mr. Magee requested warm water for shaving; whereupon he was
regarded with mingled emotions by his companions.
"You ain't going to see any skirts up here," Mr. Bland promised him. And
Mr. Peters, bringing the water from below, took occasion to point out
that shaving was one of man's troubles directly attributable to woman's
presence in the world.
At length the hermit summoned them to breakfast, and as they descended
the broad stair the heavenly odor of coffee sent a glow to their hearts.
Peters had built a rousing fire in the big fireplace opposite the
clerk's desk in the office, and in front of this he had placed a table
which held promise of a satisfactory breakfast. As the three sat down,
Mr. Bland spoke:
"I don't know about you, gentlemen, but I could fall on Mr. Peters' neck
and call him blessed."
The gentleman thus referred to served them genially. He brought to Mr.
Magee, between whom and himself he recognized the tie of authorship, a
copy of a New York paper that he claimed to get each morning from the
station agent, and which helped him greatly, he said, in his eternal
search for the woman. As the meal passed, Mr. Magee glanced it through.
Twice he looked up from it to study keenly his queer companions at
Baldpate Inn. Finally he handed it across the table to the haberdasher.
The dull yellow sun of a winter morning drifted in from the white
outdoors; the fire sputtered gaily in the grate. Also, Mr. Peters'
failing for literature interfered in no way with his talents as cook.
The three finished the repast in great good humor, and Mr. Magee handed
round cigars.
"Gentlemen," he remarked, pushing back his chair, "we find ourselves in
a peculiar position. Three lone men, knowing nothing of one another, we
have sought the solitude of Baldpate Inn at almost the same moment. Why?
Last night, before you came, Professor Bolton, Mr. Bland gave me as his
reason for being here the story of Arabella, which I afterward
appropriated as a joke and gave as my own reason. I related to Mr. Bland
the fiction about the artist and the besieging novelists. We swapped
stories when you came--it was our merry little method of doubting each
other's word. Perhaps it was bad taste. At any rate, looking at it in
the morning light, I am inclined to return Mr. Bland's Arabella, and no
questions asked. He is again the lovelorn haberdasher. I am inclined to
believe, implicitly, your story. That is my proposition. No doubts of
one another. We are here for whatever reasons we say we are."
The professor nodded gravely.
"Last night," went on Mr. Magee, "there was some talk between Mr. Bland
and myself about one of us leaving the inn. Mr. Bland demanded it. I
trust he sees the matter differently this morning. I for one should be
sorry to see him go."
"I've changed my mind," said Mr. Bland. The look on his thin face was
not a pleasant one. "Very good," went on Mr. Magee. "I see no reason why
we should not proceed on friendly terms. Mr. Peters has agreed to cook
for us. He can no doubt be persuaded to attend to our other wants. For
his services we shall pay him generously, in view of the circumstances.
As for Quimby--I leave you to make your peace with him."
"I have a letter to Mr. Quimby from my old friend, John Bentley," said
the professor, "which I am sure will win me the caretaker's warm
regard."
Mr. Magee looked at Bland.
"I'll get Andy Rutter on the wire," said that gentleman. "Quimby will
listen to him, I guess."
"Maybe," remarked Magee carelessly. "Who is Rutter?"
"He's manager of the inn when it's open," answered Bland. He looked
suspiciously at Magee. "I only know him slightly," he added.
"Those matters you will arrange for yourselves," Mr. Magee went on. "I
shall be very glad of your company if you can fix it to stay. Believe it
or not--I forgot, we agreed to believe, didn't we?--I am here to do some
writing. I'm going up to my room now to do a little work. All I ask of
you gentlemen is that, as a favor to me, you refrain from shooting at
each other while I am gone. You see, I am trying to keep crude melodrama
out of my stuff."
"I am sure," remarked Professor Bolton, "that the use of firearms as a
means of social diversion between Mr. Bland and myself is unthought of."
"I hope so," responded Magee. "There, then, the matter rests. We are
here--that is all." He hesitated, as though in doubt. Then, with a
decisive motion, he drew toward him the New York paper. With his eyes on
the head-lines of the first page, he continued: "I shall demand no
further explanations. And except for this once, I shall make no
reference to this story in the newspaper, to the effect that early
yesterday morning, in a laboratory at one of our leading universities, a
young assistant instructor was found dead under peculiar circumstances."
He glanced keenly at the bald-headed little man across from him. "Nor
shall I make conversation of the fact," he added, "that the professor of
chemistry at the university, a man past middle age, respected highly in
the university circle, is missing."
An oppressive silence followed this remark. Mr. Bland's sly eyes sought
quickly the professor's face. The older man sat staring at his plate;
then he raised his head and the round spectacles were turned full on
Magee.
"You are very kind," said Professor Bolton evenly.
"There is another story in this paper," went on Mr. Magee, glancing at
the haberdasher, "that, it seems to me, I ought to taboo as table talk
at Baldpate Inn. It relates that a few days ago the youthful cashier of
a bank in a small Pennsylvania town disappeared with thirty thousand
dollars of the bank's funds. No," he concluded, "we are simply here,
gentlemen, and I am very glad to let it go at that."
Mr. Bland sneered knowingly.
"I should think you would be," he said. "If you'll turn that paper over
you'll read on the back page that day before yesterday a lot of
expensive paintings in a New York millionaire's house were cut from
their frames, and that the young artist who was doing retouching in the
house at the time has been just careless enough not to send his address
to the police. It's a small matter, of course, and the professor and I
will never mention it again."
Mr. Magee threw back his head and laughed heartily.
"We understand one another, it seems," he said. "I look forward to
pleasant companionship where I had expected solitude. You will excuse me
now--there is the work to which I referred. Ah, here's Peters," he added
as the hermit entered through the dining-room door at the side of the
stairs.
"All finished, gentlemen?" he asked, coming forward. "Now, this is solid
comfort, ain't it? I reckon when you get a few days of this, you'll all
become hermits, and build yourselves shacks on the mountain. Solid
comfort. No woman to make you put on overshoes when you go out, or
lecture you about the effects of alcohol on the stomach. Heaven, I call
it."
"Peters," said Mr. Magee, "we have been wondering if you will stay on
here and cook for us. We need you. How about it?"
"Well--I'll be glad to help you out," the hermit replied. "I guess I can
manage to give satisfaction, seeing there ain't no women around. If
there was, I wouldn't think of it. Yes, I'll stay and do what I can to
boost the hermit life in your estimation. I--"
He stopped. His eyes were on the dining-room door, toward which Mr.
Magee's back was turned. The jaw of Peters fell, and his mouth stood
wide open. Behind the underbrush of beard a very surprised face was
discernible.
Mr. Magee turned quickly. A few feet inside the door stood the girl of
the station, weeping no more, but radiant with smiles. Back of her was
the determined impossible companion of yesterday.
"Oh, mamma," laughed the girl, "we're too late for breakfast! Isn't it a
shame?"
Mr. Bland's lean hands went quickly to adjust his purple tie. Professor
Bolton looked every inch the owl as he blinked in dazed fashion at the
blue corduroy vision. Gingerly Mr. Peters set down the plates he had
taken from the table, still neglecting his open mouth.
Mr. Magee rose from the table, and went forward with outstretched hand.