Home, the dearest spot on earth, would be no fit abode for social
beings if closed against the entrance and friendly offices of those
without. The courtesies and kindness of neighbors must be received and
reciprocated to make the home comforts complete. By simple methods
the most important amicable relations in society are established and
maintained.
Calls may be distinguished as ceremonious or friendly. The latter
among intimate friends may, and ought to be quite informal, and for
them no rules need be prescribed. Common-sense may be safely trusted,
as to their manner, frequency, and the time spent in making them. But
well-disposed, cultured people will usually have friendly relations
with a much larger number than can be received on terms of close
intimacy. As a means of establishing and maintaining such relations,
mere formal calls are made. In the country and in small towns residents
are expected to call on new-comers without having any previous
acquaintance with them, or even having met them before. Ordinarily the
new-comer, of whatever rank, should not call formally on a resident
first, but wait till the other has taken the initiative. If after the
first meeting, for any reason, the resident does not care to pursue the
acquaintance, it will be discontinued by not leaving cards or calling
again. The newcomer in like manner if not wishing to extend or continue
the acquaintance, will politely return the first call, leaving cards
only if the neighbors are not at home.
In some sections of the country calling on newcomers is done rather
indiscriminately and with little regard to the real, or supposed social
standing of the persons. This accords best with our American ideas of
equality, and is consistent for those whose friendships are decided by
character and personal accomplishments, rather than by the accidents
of birth or wealth. The good society for which all may rightly aspire
claims as among its brightest jewels some who financially rank with
the lowly—rich only in the nobler qualities of mind and heart. The
etiquette that, in any way, closes the door to exclude them is more
nice than wise.
Those in high esteem in their community and most worthy will naturally,
if circumstances permit, take the responsibility of first calls on
strangers who come to reside among them. The call itself is a tender
of friendship, and friendly offices, even though intimacy is not found
practicable or desirable.
Custom does not require the residents of large cities to formally call
on all new-comers in their neighborhood, which would be impracticable,
only those quite near and having apparently about the same social
status are entitled to this courtesy. Some discrimination is not only
allowable but necessary.
A desirable acquaintance once formed, however initiated, is maintained
by calls more or less frequent, as circumstances may decide, or by
leaving cards when for either party that is more convenient.
Visiting cards must be left in person, not sent by mail or by the
hand of a servant, unless in exceptional cases. Distance, unfavorable
weather or delicate health might be sufficient reasons for sending the
cards, but, as a rule, ladies leave their cards themselves, this being
found more acceptable.
A lady’s visiting card should be plain, printed in clear type, with no
ornamental or old English letters. The name printed on the middle of
the card. The place of residence on the left-hand corner.
A married lady would never use her christian name on a card, but that
of her husband after Mrs., before her surname.
In most places it is customary and considered in good taste for
husbands and wives to have their names printed on the same card: “Mr.
and Mrs.,” but each would still need separate cards of their own.
The title “Honorable” is not used on cards. Other titles are, omitting
the “The” preceding the title.
It is not in accordance with etiquette in most places for young ladies
to have visiting cards of their own. Their names are printed beneath
that of their mother, on her card, either “Miss” or “the Misses,” as
the case may be. If the mother is not living, the daughter’s name would
be printed beneath that of her father, or of her brother, in case of a
brother and sister residing alone.
If a young lady is taken into society by a relative or friend, her name
would properly be written in pencil under that of her friend.
If a lady making calls finds the mistress of the house “not at home”
she will leave her card and also one of her husband’s for each, the
mistress and her husband; but if she have a card with her own and her
husband’s name on it, she leaves but one of his separate cards.
If a lady were merely leaving cards, and not intending to call she
would hand the three cards to the person answering at the door, saying,
“For Mrs. ——,” without asking whether she is at home or not.
If a lady is sufficiently intimate to call, asks for and finds her
friend at home, she should, on leaving the house, leave two of her
husband’s cards in a conspicuous place on the table in the hall. She
should not drop them in the card-basket or hand them to the hostess,
though she might silently hand them to the servant in the hall. She
will on no account leave her own card, having seen the lady which
removes all occasion for leaving her card.
If the lady were accompanied by her husband and the lady of the house
at home, the husband would leave one of his own cards for the master of
the house, but if he also is at home no cards are left. A lady leaves
her card for a lady only, while a gentleman leaves his for both husband
and wife.
A gentleman when calling takes his hat in his hand into the room and
holds it until he has met the mistress of the house; he may then either
place it on a chair or table near him, or hold it in his hand till he
takes his leave.
* * * * *
DREAMS, books, are each a world: and books we know,
Are a substantial world, both pure and good;
Round these, with tendrils strong as flesh and blood,
Our pastime and our happiness will grow.
There find I personal themes, a plenteous store,
Matter wherein right voluble I am,
To which I listen with a ready ear;
Two shall be named, preëminently dear,—
The gentle lady married to the Moor;
And heavenly Una, with her milk-white lamb.
Blessings be with them, and eternal praise,
Who gave us nobler loves and nobler cares—
The poets, who on earth have made us heirs
Of truth and pure delight by heavenly lays!
Oh! might my name be numbered among theirs,
Then gladly would I end my mortal days.
—_Wordsworth’s “Personal Talk.”_