WE VISIT THE SIDE SHOW
Those scouts that we met were nice fellows. They were hiking back to
Newburgh; that's where they lived. They told us they had hiked up along the
river to visit a place named Elm Center, about ten or fifteen miles west of
Kingston. They said they had a bivouac camp just outside the city and that
they had stayed there for a couple of days, so as to take in the circus.
We all went to the show together that night, and I sat on Marshal Foch's
cage wagon and rode around in the parade at the beginning of the show. All
the fellows cheered me, even those new fellows. After the show I told them
all that I wanted to go into the side show and say good-bye to my friends.
We were all standing outside and Dorry Benton said, "I'll go with you."
Of course, as soon as he said that, they all wanted to go, but Harry said
he guessed two were enough. So Dorry and I went in and made a call. The
freaks were getting ready to go to bed, but anyway, they were glad to see
us. I guess Madame Whopper slept in another tent; anyway, we didn't see
her. Maybe she had a whole tent to herself.
Mr. Lemuel Long said he was hungry and he wished he could eat a lot like
scouts do. Gee, I have to admit that scouts eat a lot-especially dessert.
You can bet I wouldn't want to be a human skeleton. Judge Dot said he
should worry, because he couldn't grow any taller no matter what happened.
He said he was fifty-two years old and after you get to be fifty-five you
begin to shrink. He said everybody does, mostly. He said if he shrunk, he
was going to make Mr. Costello give him more money. Gee whiz, I couldn't
blame him, especially on account of the high cost of living. He said Madame
Whopper had gained fifty pounds and she made Mr. Costello give her a raise.
While we were talking with Judge Dot, Jib Jab came in and said, "Hello,
S'couty, how did you like the show?"
I said, "You looked good and wild, that's one thing, especially with that
chain on." He said that chain was his own idea.
I guess he had just been washing his face, anyway, there wasn't any hair on
it and the brown was all cleaned off. I could see now that he was a mighty
nice looking fellow. His hair was kind of curly and his eyes were awful
bright. He took off his fur covering and put on a kind of a bath robe and
then sat down on a chair and stuck his feet up on Madame Whopper's
platform. Oh boy, you should have seen Dorry stare. First he looked at the
fur covering. It had paws and claws on it just like an animal. Then he
looked at Jib Jab. I guess he didn't know what to make of him.
Jib Jab said, "Now for a smoke," and he lighted a cigarette; "nothing like
a quiet smoke after the day's work is over. Back in the jungle I never had
all this bother of dressing and undressing. Civilization is just killing
me. Fact is I can't be tamed. Anybody got a newspaper? I suppose I ought
to be thankful I haven't got my face all plastered up with fly paper.
Where's old Sky Scraper?" That's what he called the, giant.
"Gone to bed," Judge Dot said.
"How about you, Shorty; got a match?" he asked Judge Dot.
Judge Dot just said very stiff like, "I'll bid you good night, sir ."
"Happy dreams, Shorty," Jib Jab called after him. Then he said, "That's the
trouble with all these freaks-uppish, especially the giant. Why he looks
down on everybody. Ma's about the best of the lot. Shorty thinks he's the
whole circus just because he has three rings on his hands. Same with
Skinny. I'd rather be back in the jungle than living with this bunch. Half
the time they don't speak to me. You see I'm not a regular freak; they
look on me as a kind of a butt-in."
I said, "Gee, I'm sorry; I should think they'd like you."
"They're all jealous," he said; "that's the trouble. They're all down on
parade work, even Ma. They couldn't stand for me making a hit with that
chain. Last week, up in Albany, I started to growl just as Shorty started
selling his photographs. The louder he piped away with that silly little
squeaky voice of his, the more I roared. When it comes to roaring, I've
got even the lions jealous. Fact is I'm not liked; they are all jealous,
even the animals. And I feel it, too; any honest hard working
_what-is-it_ would. Especially if he's human. The little two-headed boy
we had was about the best of the lot, only he was double faced. He's with
Barnum's now-fifty a week and overtime."
"I don't see why you want to be a _what-is-it,_" I told him; "especially
if they don't treat you right."
He just went on smoking, awful funny, kind of. Jiminy, I couldn't make him
out at all.
He said, "Now you take Teddy Roosevelt, the elephant. He's what you'd call
a big attraction-very big. Do you suppose he'd refuse to pal with me just
because I'm a poor, neglected _what-is-it?_ Only this morning we had a bag
of peanuts together; he and I and little Ruth. He's just as plain and
democratic as he can be. But you see my position isn't easy. I'm human and
yet I'm not. I don't know where I fit in. The animals are kind of leery;
you can't blame them. And the freaks are as stuck up as poor old Marshal
Foch was. Sometimes I wish I was back in the jungle."
Jingoes, I didn't know how to take him at all, and I could see Dorry was
just staring at him as if he "didn't know whether he was jollying us or
not.
"Anyway, we have to be sorry for you," I said. He just kept puffing on his
cigarette and he said, "Well, it's good to sit back here when the freaks
have turned in and have a quiet smoke. Pretty strenuous work jerking and
pulling on that chain. It's a hard life being a question mark." "You said
something," I told him; "cracky, I wouldn't want to be a _what-is-it._"
He just said, "No, when you grow up, make up your mind whether you're
going to be human or not. Don't try to be two things. Don't be a question
mark. Why away down in my savage, primeval heart, I wouldn't hurt a
kitten. Yet here I am growling and roaring and wrenching at my cage bars
and straining at that old chain, and the children and old ladies back up
on the street when they see me, frightened out of their lives. I'm not
loved by anyone. It's mighty hard. Either one of you kids got a cigarette
about you?"
I told him no, that scouts didn't smoke cigarettes.
He said, "Well, drop in and see me down at Poughkeepsie or Newburgh if you
happen in when we're there. You're always welcome."
Gee, we just couldn't make heads or tails of that fellow. Anyway, I liked
him. And I had to admit that that was good advice he gave me about making
up my mind whether to be human or not.