"Hat-pins to match the colour of the eyes are to be very fashionable this
year," according to a Trade journal. This should be good news to those
Tube-travellers who object to having green hat-pins stuck in their blue
eyes.
* * *
Enterprise cannot be dead if it is really true that a well-known publisher
has at last managed to persuade Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL to write a few words
concerning the Labour Question.
* * *
"I have never been knocked down by a motor omnibus," says Mr. JUSTICE
DARLING. The famous judge should not complain. He must take his turn like
the rest of us.
* * *
"Never pull the doorbell too hard" is the advice of a writer on etiquette
in a ladies' journal. When calling at a new wooden house the safest plan is
not to pull the bell at all.
* * *
"American bacon opened stronger yesterday," says a market report. If it
opened any stronger than the last lot we bought it must have "gone some."
* * *
Five golf balls were discovered inside a cow which was found dead last week
on a Hertfordshire golf course. We understand that a certain member of the
Club who lost half-a-dozen balls at Easter-time has demanded a recount.
* * *
"An Englishman's place is by his own fireside," declares a writer in the
Sunday Press. This is the first intimation we have received that
Spring-cleaning is over.
* * *
A serious quarrel between two prominent Sinn Feiners is reported. It
appears that one accused the other of being "no murderer."
* * *
_The Commercial Bribery and Tipping Review_, a new American publication,
offers a prize of four pounds for the best article on "Why I believe
barbers should not be tipped." The barbers claim that what they receive is
not a tip, but the Price of Silence.
* * *
According to an evening paper, crowds can be seen in London every day
waiting to go into the pit. Oh, if only they were miners!
* * *
"It is the last whisky at night which always overcomes me," said a
defendant at the Guildhall. "A good plan," says a correspondent, "is to
finish with the last whisky but one."
* * *
The British Admiralty are offering two hundred and fifty war vessels for
sale. This is just the chance for people who contemplate setting up in
business as a new country.
* * *
"A good tailor," says a fashion writer, "can always give his customer a
good fit if he tries." All he has to do, of course, is to send the bill in.
* * *
Mr. ALLDAY, a resident in Lundy Island for twenty years, who has just
arrived in London, states that he has never seen a tax-collector. There is
some talk of starting a fund with the object of presenting him with one.
* * *
Dunmow workhouse is offered for sale. A great many people are anxious to
buy it with the object of putting it aside for a rainy day.
* * *
A Houndsditch firm has just had a telephone installed which was ordered six
years ago. This, however, is not a record. Quite a number of instruments
have been fitted up in less time than this.
* * *
We understand that the thunderbolt which fell at Chester is not the one
that the PREMIER intended to drop this month.
* * *
Signor CAPRONI, lecturing in New York, says that aeroplanes capable of
carrying five hundred passengers will shortly be constructed. We can only
say that anybody can have our seat.
* * *
Since _The Daily Express_ tirade against the officials of the Zoo visitors
are requested not to go too near the Fellows.
* * *
"The French army," says the _Berliner Tageblatt_, "will soon be all over."
It does not say what; but if our late enemy continues the violation of the
Peace Treaty the missing word should be "Germany."
* * *
Birds, says _The Times_, are nesting in the plane-trees of Printing House
Square. Some of the fledglings, we are informed, are already learning to
whistle the familiar Northcliffe air, "LLOYD GEORGE Must Go," quite
distinctly.
* * *
The National Portrait Gallery, occupied by the War Office since 1914, has
just been reopened. The rumour that a Brigadier-General who had eluded all
attempts to evacuate him was still hanging about disguised as a portrait of
Mrs. SIDDONS attracted a large attendance.
* * *
The Corporation of Waterford has refused to recognise "Summer" time. One
gathers that it is still the winter of their discontent down there.
* * *
Sinn Feiners are now asking for the abolition of the Royal Irish
Constabulary, and it is feared that, unless their request is granted, they
may resort to violence.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "THOUGH THE MATERIAL, SIR, IS SOMEWHAT MORE EXPENSIVE, THE
LEATHER BRACE HAS THE GREAT ADVANTAGE THAT IT LASTS FOR EVER; AND,
MOREOVER, WHEN IT WEARS OUT IT MAKES AN EXCELLENT RAZOR-STROP."]
* * * * *
"Mrs. ---- Requires useful Ladies' Maid, for Bath and country; only
ex-soldier or sailor need apply."--_Provincial Paper._
A job that will obviously need a man of proved courage.
* * * * *