GOSSIP, TOGETHER WITH HER SUDDEN EXTINCTION
I have still time before me, according to the terms of my agreement with
the person to whom I have, I fear foolishly, entrusted the letters
and documents of a story surpassing ancient as well as modern in the
wonderment it causes, that would make the Law courts bless their hearts,
judges no less than the barristers, to have it running through them day
by day, with every particular to wrangle over, and many to serve as a
text for the pulpit. So to proceed.
It should be mentioned that the postillion Charles Dump is not
represented, and I have no conception of the reason why not, sitting on
horseback, in the portrait in the possession of the Cawthorne family. I
have not seen it, I am bound to admit. We had offended Dr. Cawthorne, by
once in an urgent case calling in another doctor, who, he would have it,
was a quack, that ought to have killed us, and we ceased to visit; but
a gentleman who was an established patient of Dr. Cawthorne’s and had
frequent opportunities of judging the portrait, in the course of a
chronic malady, describes Charles Dump on his legs as a small man
looking diminished from a very much longer one by shrinkage in thickish
wrinkles from the shoulders to the shanks. His hat is enormous and very
gay. He is rather of sad countenance. An elevation of his collar behind
the ears, and pointed at the neck, gives you notions of his having
dropped from some hook. He stands with his forefinger extended, like a
disused semaphore-post, that seems tumbling and desponding on the hill
by the highroad, in his attitude while telling the tale; if standing it
may be called, where the whole figure appears imploring for a seat.
That was his natural position, as one would suppose any artist must have
thought, and a horse beneath him. But it has been suggested that the
artist in question was no painter of animals. Then why did he not get a
painter of animals to put in the horse? It is vain to ask, though it is
notorious that artists combine without bickering to do these things;
and one puts his name on the animal, the other on the human being or
landscape.
My informant adds, that the prominent feature, telling a melancholy
tale of its own, is of sanguine colour, and while plainly in the act of
speaking, Charles Dump might be fancied about to drop off to sleep. He
was impressed by the dreaminess of the face; and I must say I regard him
as an interesting character. During my girlhood Napoleon Bonaparte alone
would have been his rival for filling an inn along our roads. I have
known our boys go to bed obediently and get up at night to run three
miles to THE WHEATSHEAF, only to stand on the bench or traveller’s-rest
outside the window and look in at Charles Dump reciting, with just room
enough in the crowd to point his finger, as his way was.
He left a child, Mary Dump, who grew up to become lady’s maid to Livia
Fakenham, daughter of Curtis, the beauty of Hampshire, equalled by
no one save her cousin Henrietta Fakenham, the daughter of Commodore
Baldwin; and they were two different kinds of beauties, not to be
compared, and different were their fortunes; for this lady was likened
to the sun going down on a cloudy noon, and that lady to the moon riding
through a stormy night. Livia was the young widow of Lord Duffield when
she accepted the Earl of Fleetwood, and was his third countess, and
again a widow at eight-and-twenty, and stepmother to young Croesus, the
Earl of Fleetwood of my story. Mary Dump testifies to her kindness of
heart to her dependents. If we are to speak of goodness, I am afraid
there are other witnesses.
I resent being warned that my time is short and that I have wasted much
of it over ‘the attractive Charles.’ What I have done I have done with a
purpose, and it must be a storyteller devoid of the rudiments of his art
who can complain of my dwelling on Charles Dump, for the world to have
a pause and pin its faith to him, which it would not do to a grander
person--that is, as a peg. Wonderful events, however true they are, must
be attached to something common and familiar, to make them credible.
Charles Dump, I say, is like a front-page picture to a history of those
old quiet yet exciting days in England, and when once you have seized
him the whole period is alive to you, as it was to me in the delicious
dulness I loved, that made us thirsty to hear of adventures and able to
enjoy to the utmost every thing occurring. The man is no more attractive
to me than a lump of clay. How could he be? But supposing I took up the
lump and told you that there where I found it, that lump of clay had
been rolled over and flung off by the left wheel of the prophet’s
Chariot of Fire before it mounted aloft and disappeared in the heavens
above!--you would examine it and cherish it and have the scene present
with you, you may be sure; and magnificent descriptions would not be
one-half so persuasive. And that is what we call, in my profession, Art,
if you please.
So to continue: the Earl of Cressett fell from his coach-box in a fit,
and died of it, a fortnight after the flight of his wife; and the people
said she might as well have waited. Kirby and Countess Fanny were at
Lucerne or Lausanne, or some such place, in Switzerland when the news
reached them, and Kirby, without losing an hour, laid hold of an English
clergyman of the Established Church and put him through the ceremony
of celebrating his lawful union with the beautiful young creature he
adored. And this he did, he said, for the world to guard his Fan in a
wider circle than his two arms could compass, if not quite so well.
So the Old Buccaneer was ever after that her lawful husband, and as his
wedded wife, not wedded to a fool, she was an example to her sex, like
many another woman who has begun badly with a light-headed mate. It
is hard enough for a man to be married to a fool, but a man is only
half-cancelled by that burden, it has been said; whereas a woman finds
herself on board a rudderless vessel, and often the desperate thing she
does is to avoid perishing! Ten months, or eleven, some say, following
the proclamation of the marriage-tie, a son was born to Countess Fanny,
close by the castle of Chillon-on-the-lake, and he had the name of
Chillon Switzer John Kirby given to him to celebrate the fact.
Two years later the girl was born, and for the reason of her first
seeing the light in that Austrian province, she was christened Carinthia
Jane. She was her old father’s pet; but Countess Fanny gloried in the
boy. She had fancied she would be a childless woman before he gave sign
of coming; and they say she wrote a little volume of Meditations in
Prospect of Approaching Motherhood, for the guidance of others in a
similar situation.
I have never been able to procure the book or pamphlet, but I know
she was the best of mothers, and of wives too. And she, with her old
husband, growing like a rose out of a weather-beaten rock, proved she
was that, among those handsome foreign officers poorly remarkable for
their morals. Not once had the Old Buccaneer to teach them a lesson.
Think of it and you will know that her feet did not stray--nor did her
pretty eyes. Her heart was too full for the cravings of vanity. Innocent
ladies who get their husbands into scrapes are innocent, perhaps; but
knock you next door in their bosoms, where the soul resides, and ask
for information of how innocence and uncleanness may go together. Kirby
purchased a mine in Carinthia, on the borders of Styria, and worked it
himself. His native land displeased him, so that he would not have been
unwilling to see Chillon enter the Austrian service, which the young man
was inclined for, subsequent to his return to his parents from one of
the English public schools, notwithstanding his passionate love for Old
England. But Lord Levellier explained the mystery in a letter to his
half-forgiven sister, praising the boy for his defence of his mother’s
name at the school, where a big brutal fellow sneered at her, and
Chillon challenged him to sword or pistol; and then he walked down to
the boy’s home in Staffordshire to force him to fight; and the father
of the boy made him offer an apology. That was not much balm to Master
Chillon’s wound. He returned to his mother quite heavy, unlike a young
man; and the unhappy lady, though she knew, him to be bitterly sensitive
on the point of honour, and especially as to everything relating to her,
saw herself compelled to tell him the history of her life, to save him,
as she thought, from these chivalrous vindications of her good name.
She may have even painted herself worse than she was, both to excuse her
brother’s miserliness to her son and the world’s evil speaking of her.
Wisely or not, she chose this course devotedly to protect him from
the perils she foresaw in connection with the name of the once famous
Countess Fanny in the British Isles. And thus are we stricken by the
days of our youth. It is impossible to moralize conveniently when one is
being hurried by a person at one’s elbow.
So the young man heard his mother out and kissed her, and then he went
secretly to Vienna and enlisted and served for a year as a private in
the regiment of Hussars, called, my papers tell me, Liechtenstein, and
what with his good conduct and the help of Kirby’s friends, he would
have obtained a commission from the emperor, when, at the right moment
to keep a sprig of Kirby’s growth for his country, Lord Levellier sent
word that he was down for a cornetcy in a British regiment of dragoons.
Chillon came home from a garrison town, and there was a consultation
about his future career. Shall it be England? Shall it be Austria?
Countess Fanny’s voice was for England, and she carried the vote,
knowing though she did that it signified separation, and it might be
alienation--where her son would chance to hear things he could not
refute. She believed that her son by such a man as Kirby would be of use
to his country, and her voice, against herself, was for England.
It broke her heart. If she failed to receive the regular letter, she
pined and was disconsolate. He has heard more of me! was in her mind.
Her husband sat looking at her with his old large grey glassy eyes.
You would have fancied him awaiting her death as the signal for his own
release. But she, poor mother, behind her weeping lids beheld her son’s
filial love of her wounded and bleeding. When there was anything to be
done for her, old Kirby was astir. When it was nothing, either in
physic or assistance, he was like a great corner of rock. You may
indeed imagine grief in the very rock that sees its flower fading to
the withered shred. On the last night of her life this old man of past
ninety carried her in his arms up a flight of stairs to her bed.
A week after her burial, Kirby was found a corpse in the mountain
forest. His having called the death of his darling his lightning-stroke
must have been the origin of the report that he died of lightning. He
touched not a morsel of food from the hour of the dropping of the sod on
her coffin of ebony wood. An old crust of their mahogany bread, supposed
at first to be a specimen of quartz, was found in one of his coat
pockets. He kissed his girl Carinthia before going out on his last
journey from home, and spoke some wandering words. The mine had not been
worked for a year. She thought she would find him at the mouth of the
shaft, where he would sometimes be sitting and staring, already dead at
heart with the death he saw coming to the beloved woman. They had to let
her down with ropes, that she might satisfy herself he was not below.
She and her great dog and a faithful man-servant discovered the body in
the forest. Chillon arrived from England to see the common grave of both
his parents.
And now good-bye to sorrow for a while. Keep your tears for the living.
And first I am going to describe to you the young Earl of Fleetwood, son
of the strange Welsh lady, the richest nobleman of his time, and how
he persued and shunned the lady who had fascinated him, Henrietta, the
daughter of Commodore Baldwin Fakenham; and how he met Carinthia Jane;
and concerning that lovely Henrietta and Chillon Kirby-Levellier; and of
the young poet of ordinary parentage, and the giant Captain Abrane, and
Livia the widowed Countess of Fleetwood, Henrietta’s cousin, daughter of
Curtis Fakenham; and numbers of others; Lord Levellier, Lord Brailstone,
Lord Simon Pitscrew, Chumley Potts, young Ambrose Mallard; and the
English pugilist, such a man of honour though he drank; and the
adventures of Madge, Carinthia Jane’s maid. Just a few touches. And then
the marriage dividing Great Britain into halves, taking sides. After
that, I trust you may go on, as I would carry you were we all twenty
years younger, had I but sooner been in possession of these treasured
papers. I promise you excitement enough, if justice is done to them. But
I must and will describe the wedding. This young Earl of Fleetwood, you
should know, was a very powder-magazine of ambition, and never would he
break his word: which is right, if we are properly careful; and so he--
She ceases. According to the terms of the treaty, the venerable lady’s
time has passed. An extinguisher descends on her, giving her the
likeness of one under condemnation of ‘the Most Holy Inqusition, in the
ranks of an ‘auto da fe’; and singularly resembling that victim at the
first sharp bite of the flames she will, be when she hears the version
of her story.