FROM PEPE REY TO DON JUAN REY
“ORBAJOSA, April 12.
“MY DEAR FATHER:
“Forgive me if for the first time in my life I disobey you in refusing
to leave this place or to renounce my project. Your advice and your
entreaty are what were to be expected from a kind, good father. My
obstinacy is natural in an insensate son; but something strange is
taking place within me; obstinacy and honor have become so blended and
confounded in my mind that the bare idea of desisting from my purpose
makes me ashamed. I have changed greatly. The fits of rage that agitate
me now were formerly unknown to me. I regarded the violent acts, the
exaggerated expressions of hot-tempered and impetuous men with the
same scorn as the brutal actions of the wicked. Nothing of this kind
surprises me any longer, for in myself I find at all times a certain
terrible capacity for wickedness. I can speak to you as I would speak to
God and to my conscience; I can tell you that I am a wretch, for he is a
wretch who is wanting in that powerful moral force which enables him
to chastise his passions and submit his life to the stern rule of
conscience. I have been wanting in the Christian fortitude which exalts
the spirit of the man who is offended above the offences which he
receives and the enemies from whom he receives them. I have had the
weakness to abandon myself to a mad fury, putting myself on a level with
my detractors, returning them blow for blow, and endeavoring to confound
them by methods learned in their own base school. How deeply I regret
that you were not at my side to turn me from this path! It is now too
late. The passions will not brook delay. They are impatient, and demand
their prey with cries and with the convulsive eagerness of a fierce
moral thirst. I have succumbed. I cannot forget what you so often
said to me, that anger may be called the worst of the passions, since,
suddenly transforming the character, it engenders all the others, and
lends to each its own infernal fire.
“But it is not anger alone that has brought me to the state of mind
which I have described. A more expansive and noble sentiment--the
profound and ardent love which I have for my cousin, has also
contributed to it, and this is the one thing that absolves me in my own
estimation. But if love had not done so, pity would have impelled me
to brave the fury and the intrigues of your terrible sister; for poor
Rosario, placed between an irresistible affection and her mother, is
at the present moment one of the most unhappy beings on the face of the
earth. The love which she has for me, and which responds to mine--does
it not give me the right to open, in whatever way I can, the doors of
her house and take her out of it; employing the law, as far as the law
reaches, and using force at the point where the law ceases to support
me? I think that your rigid moral scrupulosity will not give an
affirmative answer to this question; but I have ceased to be the upright
and methodical character whose conscience was in exact conformity with
the dictates of the moral law. I am no longer the man whom an almost
perfect education enabled to keep his emotions under strict control.
To-day I am a man like other men; at a single step I have crossed the
line which separates the just and the good from the unjust and the
wicked. Prepare yourself to hear of some dreadful act committed by me. I
will take care to notify you of all my misdeeds.
“But the confession of my faults will not relieve me from the
responsibility of the serious occurrences which have taken place and
which are taking place, nor will this responsibility, no matter how
much I may argue, fall altogether on your sister. Doña Perfecta’s
responsibility is certainly very great. What will be the extent of mine!
Ah, dear father! believe nothing of what you hear about me; believe
only what I shall tell you. If they tell you that I have committed a
deliberate piece of villany, answer that it is a lie. It is difficult,
very difficult, for me to judge myself, in the state of disquietude in
which I am, but I dare assure you that I have not deliberately given
cause for scandal. You know well to what extremes passion can lead when
circumstances favor its fierce, its all-invading growth.
“What is most bitter to me is the thought of having employed artifice,
deceit, and base concealments--I who was truth itself. I am humiliated
in my own estimation. But is this the greatest perversity into which the
soul can fall? Am I beginning now, or have I ended? I cannot tell. If
Rosario with her angelic hand does not take me out of this hell of
my conscience, I desire that you should come to take me out of it. My
cousin is an angel, and suffering, as she has done, for my sake, she has
taught me a great many things that I did not know before.
“Do not be surprised at the incoherence of what I write. Diverse
emotions inflame me; thoughts at times assail me truly worthy of my
immortal soul; but at times also I fall into a lamentable state of
dejection, and I am reminded of the weak and degenerate characters whose
baseness you have painted to me in such strong colors, in order that I
might abhor them. In the state in which I am to-day I am ready for good
or for evil. God have pity upon me! I already know what prayer is--a
solemn and reflexive supplication, so personal that it is not compatible
with formulas learned by heart; an expansion of the soul which dares to
reach out toward its source; the opposite of remorse, in which the
soul, at war with itself, seeks in vain to defend itself by sophisms
and concealments. You have taught me many good things, but now I am
practising; as we engineers say, I am studying on the ground; and in
this way my knowledge will become broadened and confirmed. I begin to
imagine now that I am not so wicked as I myself believe. Am I right?
“I end this letter in haste. I must send it with some soldiers who
are going in the direction of the station at Villahorrenda, for the
post-office of this place is not to be trusted.”
“APRIL 14.
“It would amuse you, dear father, if I could make you understand the
ideas of the people of this wretched town. You know already that almost
all the country is up in arms. It was a thing to be anticipated, and
the politicians are mistaken if they imagine that it will be over in a
couple of days. Hostility to us and to the Government is innate in the
Orbajosan’s mind, and forms a part of it as much as his religious faith.
Confining myself to the particular question with my aunt, I will tell
you a singular thing--the poor lady, who is penetrated by the spirit of
feudalism to the marrow of her bones, has taken it into her head that
I am going to attack her house and carry off her daughter, as the
gentlemen of the Middle Ages attacked an enemy’s castle to consummate
some outrage. Don’t laugh, for it is the truth--such are the ideas of
these people. I need not tell you that she regards me as a monster, as
a sort of heretic Moorish king, and of the officers here who are my
friends she has no better opinion. In Doña Perfecta’s house it is a
matter of firm belief that the army and I have formed a diabolical and
anti-religious coalition to rob Orbajosa of its treasures, its faith,
and its maidens. I am sure that your sister firmly believes that I am
going to take her house by assault, and there is not a doubt but that
behind the door some barricade has been erected.
“But it could not be otherwise. Here they have the most antiquated
ideas respecting society, religion, the state, property. The religious
exaltation which impels them to employ force against the Government, to
defend a faith which no one has attacked, and which, besides, they do
not possess, revives in their mind the feudal sentiment; and as they
would settle every question by brute force, with the sword and with
fire, killing all who do not think as they do, they believe that no one
in the world employs other methods.
“Far from intending to perform quixotic deeds in this lady’s house, I
have in reality saved her some annoyances from which the rest of the
town have not escaped. Owing to my friendship with the brigadier she has
not been obliged to present, as was ordered, a list of those of the
men in her service who have joined the insurgents; and if her house was
searched I have certain knowledge that it was only for form’s sake;
and if the six men there were disarmed, they have been replaced by six
others, and nothing has been done to her. You see to what my hostility
to that lady is reduced.
“It is true that I have the support of the military chiefs, but I
make use of it solely to escape being insulted or ill-used by these
implacable people. The probabilities of my success consist in the fact
that the authorities recently appointed by the commander of the brigade
are all my friends. I derive from them the moral force which enables
me to intimidate these people. I don’t know whether I shall find myself
compelled to commit some violent action; but don’t be alarmed, for the
assault and the taking of the house is altogether a wild, feudal idea of
your sister. Chance has placed me in an advantageous position. Rage,
the passion that burns within me, will impel me to profit by it. I don’t
know how far I may go.”
“APRIL 17.
“Your letter has given me great consolation. Yes; I can attain
my object, employing only the resources of the law, which will be
completely effectual for it. I have consulted the authorities of this
place, and they all approve of the course you indicate. I am very glad
of it. Since I have put into my cousin’s mind the idea of disobedience,
let it at least be under the protection of the law. I will do what
you bid me, that is to say I will renounce the somewhat unworthy
collaboration of Pinzon; I will break up the terrorizing solidarity
which I established with the soldiers; I will cease to make a display of
the power I derived from them; I will have done with adventures, and
at the fitting moment I will act with calmness, prudence, and all
the benignity possible. It is better so. My coalition, half-serious,
half-jesting, with the army, had for its object to protect me against
the violence of the Orbajosans and of the servants and the relations of
my aunt. For the rest, I have always disapproved of the idea of what we
call armed intervention.
“The friend who aided me has been obliged to leave the house; but I am
not entirely cut off from communication with my cousin. The poor girl
shows heroic valor in the midst of her sufferings, and will obey me
blindly.
“Set your mind at rest about my personal safety. For my part, I have no
fear and I am quite tranquil.”
“APRIL 20.
“To-day I can write only a few lines. I have a great deal to do. All
will be ended within two or three days. Don’t write to me again to this
miserable town. I shall soon have the happiness of embracing you.
“PEPE.”