In the midst of all this trouble and gloom, my heart was made glad by
learning that my old master had come to take me home, at the expiration
of thirteen years. Mr. Gardner and my old master had a long talk about
me, for I was a miserable looking object with burnt feet. I bade Mr.
Gardner good bye, and expect to meet him at the judgment seat, when
slave and master appear before the great Judge of all, with equal
rights.
My old master took me to Baltimore, where we arrived in two days. He
asked me if I wanted a hat. I had never had one, and received one which
cost twenty-five cents as joyfully as though it had cost eight dollars.
We were then twenty-two miles from home. The old man asked me if I ever
drank brandy. I said no. He said it was a good thing, and when I saw
him drunk, I might get so too. But I could not get spirit if I wanted
it ever so much, though I saw him drink many glasses, and have known
him to have a barrel of whiskey at one time.
We left Baltimore, and arrived at our home. When I saw my four
brothers, who had been so long separated from me, I felt as I think
Joseph felt when he saw his brethren, though I knew nothing of the
history of Joseph at that time. Surely I was glad to see my brothers,
but yet I was a slave--being with them did not make mo a free man. I
was yet bowed down and crushed by the cruel spirit of slavery.
They were about to run away at the time of my arrival; but I knew
nothing of it. Six months, or about that time after, I joined them.
Three of my oldest brothers went away, leaving one of my brothers and
myself behind. This brother is still a slave. I heard from him in
1846. We were left behind because we were not able to travel. They
left ten years before I did, but in relation to those ten years I will
remain silent. I was the youngest of the five brothers. My old master
had a very bad wife, and she made him much worse than he would have
been without her. She made him beat me without cause, and when it
answered no purpose. During those awful ten years we had not enough
to eat, and were beaten shamefully. Most of the time we had bean soup
for breakfast, dinner and supper--a pint at each meal. When we had
potatoes, we were without bread. Such was our fare; and whether hungry
or satisfied, we had no addition to it. We were poor slaves; and the
great object in feeding slaves is doubtless the same as it is with
cattle and horses, to keep them in good working order, or saleable
condition. Of course, if the health of the slave is not permanently
injured, the nearer to the starvation point the master can keep the
slave, the more it is for his interest; and who, that casts his eye
back through the dark, bloody track of slavery, does not perceive that
the masters have acted up to their interest? We sometimes had cider;
occasionally some meat and milk, as it might happen.
We remembered what our brothers told us--when we were able to run
away, to try it on some favorable Sunday. The old man would let us go
to meeting on Sunday at the village, but if we were not at home by
sundown, the cowhide paid the debt. We were slaves yet, and the old man
grew poorer and poorer the older he grew, and withal cross, much to our
discomfort. He had a wife like king Herod, and like Ahab, for we read
that Beelzebub stirred up Ahab to work evil in the sight of the Lord.
Finally the old lady teased her husband to put my brother Nick out; and
he let him out for ten dollars a month. I was at home with two women
and a boy to carry on the farm, and we saw hard times. The old man had
a son, a preacher. At times he came home, but he could not help our
case. I was anxious to learn to read. My master had two sons who went
to school, and four unmarried daughters. One Sunday a gentleman came to
our house; I held his horse, and he gave me a sixpenny bit, with which
I bought a book, and tried to learn to read. I had it but a week, when
the old man saw it in my bosom, and made inquiry as to what it was. He
said, “You son of a b--h, if I ever know you to have a book again, I
will whip you half to death.” He took the book from me, and burnt it!
What could I do? I was a slave; and the mind which God had given me,
in common with my brethren with white skins to be enlightened, must
be kept darkened, and remain in ignorance, to suit the policy of the
“peculiar institution.”
I omitted to mention that Mr. Buk came to see Miss Jane, one of the
unmarried daughters, at the time he gave me the piece of money. The
same attraction drew him there again, and he then gave me eleven pence,
with which I purchased a larger book, thirsting for that knowledge
which was denied me; but I had not had this book over a week before my
master found it out; and he then made me sick of books by beating me
like a dog. He whipped me so very severely that he overcame my thirst
for knowledge, and I relinquished its pursuit until after I absconded.
He took my book from me, and gave it to his son--so it seems the white
man’s son must have the means of education, even if stolen from the
slave. I could do nothing; but the all-merciful Father, who regards
MAN as MAN, whatever may be the injustice and oppression to which he
is subjected, watched over and guided me with his parental eye through
all the soul-sickening, heart-rending trials of a gloomy bondage. I can
prove by the scriptures that slave-holders are worse than the devil,
for it is written in St. James, “Resist the devil, and he will flee
from you;” but if you undertake to resist the slave-holder, he will
hold you the tighter.
I knew a man who thought it too cruel to whip his slaves, but he
stripped them naked, tied them to a board, (one end of which was on the
fence, the other on the ground,) and then drew a cat by her tail down
their backs. Of course the claws of the cat sunk deeply into the flesh,
for at such a time a cat will resist this retrograde movement to the
extent of her strength. Then he would ask the poor slave if it hurt.
The reply was, “Oh! pray, master, oh! pray, master, don’t.”
When in slavery I experienced a hope in Christ, from the 8th verse of
the 23d chapter of Matthew,[A] “Give us of your oil, for our lamps have
gone out.” It was one year before I had evidence that my heart was
changed. This was in the year 1836. I was awakened by the Holy Spirit
of God, by its divine influence operating on my mind, and the words,
“Give me of your oil,” rang in my ears continually; but I strove hard
against the spirit, to shake off these feelings, yet at the end of
this year I was brought to submit to the will of God. I beheld myself
a justly condemned sinner before God. I felt bound to give myself up
to Him; and obtained a pardon for my sins--and to-day I am struggling
to make my peace, my calling and election sure. The word of that poor
unreleased slave has proved unto me the power and wisdom of God, and
to-day I am trying to preach Christ to the inhabitants of Nantucket.
FOOTNOTE:
[A] I experienced a hope under a slave man.