THE TIGER
Alas, why these things and not other
things?--_Beaumarchais_.
An English traveller tells of the intimacy in which he lived with a
tiger. He had trained it and would caress it, but he always kept a
cocked pistol on his table.
Julien only abandoned himself to the fulness of his happiness in those
moments when Mathilde could not read the expression in his eyes. He
scrupulously performed his duty of addressing some harsh word to her
from time to time.
When Mathilde's sweetness, which he noticed with some surprise,
together with the completeness of her devotion were on the point of
depriving him of all self-control, he was courageous enough to leave
her suddenly.
Mathilde loved for the first time in her life.
Life had previously always dragged along at a tortoise pace, but now it
flew.
As, however, her pride required to find a vent in some way or other,
she wished to expose herself to all the dangers in which her love could
involve her. It was Julien who was prudent, and it was only when it was
a question of danger that she did not follow her own inclination; but
submissive, and almost humble as she was when with him, she only showed
additional haughtiness to everyone in the house who came near her,
whether relatives or friends.
In the evening she would call Julien to her in the salon in the
presence of sixty people, and have a long and private conversation with
him.
The little Tanbeau installed himself one day close to them. She
requested him to go and fetch from the library the volume of Smollet
which deals with the revolution of 1688, and when he hesitated, added
with an expression of insulting haughtiness, which was a veritable balm
to Julien's soul, "Don't hurry."
"Have you noticed that little monster's expression?" he said to her.
"His uncle has been in attendance in this salon for ten or twelve
years, otherwise I would have had him packed off immediately."
Her behaviour towards MM. de Croisenois, de Luz, etc., though outwardly
perfectly polite, was in reality scarcely less provocative. Mathilde
keenly reproached herself for all the confidential remarks about them
which she had formerly made to Julien, and all the more so since she
did not dare to confess that she had exaggerated to him the, in fact,
almost absolutely innocent manifestations of interest of which these
gentlemen had been the objects. In spite of her best resolutions her
womanly pride invariably prevented her from saying to Julien, "It was
because I was talking to you that I found a pleasure in describing my
weakness in not drawing my hand away, when M. de Croisenois had placed
his on a marble table and had just touched it."
But now, as soon as one of these gentlemen had been speaking to her for
some moments, she found she had a question to put to Julien, and she
made this an excuse for keeping him by her side.
She discovered that she was _enceinte_ and joyfully informed Julien of
the fact.
"Do you doubt me now? Is it not a guarantee? I am your wife for ever."
This announcement struck Julien with profound astonishment. He was on
the point of forgetting the governing principle of his conduct. How am
I to be deliberately cold and insulting towards this poor young girl,
who is ruining herself for my sake. And if she looked at all ill,
he could not, even on those days when the terrible voice of wisdom
made itself heard, find the courage to address to her one of those
harsh remarks which his experience had found so indispensable to the
preservation of their love.
"I will write to my father," said Mathilde to him one day, "he is
more than a father to me, he is a friend; that being so, I think it
unworthy both of you and of myself to try and deceive him, even for a
single minute."
"Great heavens, what are you going to do?" said Julien in alarm.
"My duty," she answered with eyes shining with joy.
She thought she was showing more nobility than her lover.
"But he will pack me off in disgrace."
"It is his right to do so, we must respect it. I will give you my arm,
and we will go out by the front door in full daylight."
Julien was thunderstruck and requested her to put it off for a week.
"I cannot," she answered, "it is the voice of honour, I have seen my
duty, I must follow it, and follow it at once."
"Well, I order you to put it off," said Julien at last. "Your honour
is safe for the present. I am your husband. The position of us will be
changed by this momentous step. I too am within my rights. To-day is
Tuesday, next Tuesday is the duke de Retz's at home; when M. de la Mole
comes home in the evening the porter will give him the fatal letter.
His only thought is to make you a duchess, I am sure of it. Think of
his unhappiness."
"You mean, think of his vengeance?"
"It may be that I pity my benefactor, and am grieved at injuring him,
but I do not fear, and shall never fear anyone."
Mathilde yielded. This was the first occasion, since she had informed
Julien of her condition, that he had spoken to her authoritatively.
She had never loved him so much. The tender part of his soul had
found happiness in seizing on Mathilde's condition as an excuse
for refraining from his cruel remarks to her. The question of the
confession to M. de la Mole deeply moved him. Was he going to be
separated from Mathilde? And, however grieved she would be to see him
go, would she have a thought for him after his departure?
He was almost equally horrified by the thought of the justified
reproaches which the marquis might address to him.
In the evening he confessed to Mathilde the second reason for his
anxiety, and then led away by his love, confessed the first as well.
She changed colour. "Would it really make you unhappy," she said to
him, "to pass six months far away from me?"
"Infinitely so. It is the only thing in the world which terrifies me."
Mathilde was very happy. Julien had played his part so assiduously that
he had succeeded in making her think that she was the one of the two
who loved the more.
The fatal Tuesday arrived. When the marquis came in at midnight he
found a letter addressed to him, which was only to be opened himself
when no one was there:--
"My father,
"All social ties have been broken between us, only those
of nature remain. Next to my husband, you are and always
will be the being I shall always hold most dear. My
eyes are full of tears, I am thinking of the pain that
I am causing you, but if my shame was to be prevented
from becoming public, and you were to be given time to
reflect and act, I could not postpone any longer the
confession that I owe you. If your affection for me,
which I know is extremely deep, is good enough to grant
me a small allowance, I will go and settle with my
husband anywhere you like, in Switzerland, for instance.
His name is so obscure that no one would recognize
in Madame Sorel, the daughter-in-law of a Verrières
carpenter, your daughter. That is the name which I have
so much difficulty in writing. I fear your wrath against
Julien, it seems so justified. I shall not be a duchess,
my father; but I knew it when I loved him; for I was
the one who loved him first, it was I who seduced him.
I have inherited from you too lofty a soul to fix my
attention on what either is or appears to be vulgar. It
is in vain that I thought of M. Croisenois with a view
to pleasing you. Why did you place real merit under my
eyes? You told me yourself on my return from Hyères,
'that young Sorel is the one person who amuses me,' the
poor boy is as grieved as I am if it is possible, at the
pain this letter will give you. I cannot prevent you
being irritated as a father, but love me as a friend.
"Julien respected me. If he sometimes spoke to me,
it was only by reason of his deep gratitude towards
yourself, for the natural dignity of his character
induces him to keep to his official capacity in any
answers he may make to anyone who is so much above
him. He has a keen and instinctive appreciation of the
difference of social rank. It was I (I confess it with a
blush to my best friend, and I shall never make such a
confession to anyone else) who clasped his arm one day
in the garden.
"Why need you be irritated with him, after twenty-four
hours have elapsed? My own lapse is irreparable. If you
insist on it, the assurance of his profound respect and
of his desperate grief at having displeased you, can
be conveyed to you through me. You need not see him at
all, but I shall go and join him wherever he wishes.
It is his right and it is my duty. He is the father of
my child. If your kindness will go so far as to grant
us six thousand francs to live on, I will receive it
with gratitude; if not, Julien reckons on establishing
himself at Besançon, where he will set up as a Latin and
literature master. However low may have been the station
from which he springs, I am certain he will raise
himself. With him I do not fear obscurity. If there is
a revolution, I am sure that he will play a prime part.
Can you say as much for any of those who have asked
for my hand? They have fine estates, you say. I cannot
consider that circumstance a reason for admiring them.
My Julien would attain a high position, even under the
present régime, if he had a million and my father's
protection...."
Mathilde, who knew that the marquis was a man who always abandoned
himself to his first impulse, had written eight pages.
"What am I to do?" said Julien to himself while M. de la Mole was
reading this letter. "Where is (first) my duty; (second) my interest?
My debt to him is immense. Without him I should have been a menial
scoundrel, and not even enough of a scoundrel to be hated and
persecuted by the others. He has made me a man of the world. The
villainous acts which I now have to do are (first) less frequent;
(second) less mean. That is more than as if he had given me a million.
I am indebted to him for this cross and the reputation of having
rendered those alleged diplomatic services, which have lifted me out of
the ruck.
"If he himself were writing instructions for my conduct, what would he
prescribe?"
Julien was sharply interrupted by M. de la Mole's old valet. "The
marquis wants to see you at once, dressed or not dressed." The valet
added in a low voice, as he walked by Julien's side, "He is beside
himself: look out!"