MARRIAGE CUSTOMS--DEATH CUSTOMS.
When a youth wishes to marry, he does not go to his father and ask for a
wife. Such a course would be most disrespectful, and altogether wanting
in etiquette. The young men before marriage are not supposed to make
requests, or to converse much with their elders. Their duties are
chiefly those of herds; the elder boys or youths looking after the
cattle, and the smaller boys guarding the sheep and calves. But to
return, when a youth wishes to marry, he gets up very early one morning
and takes out his father's cattle to the pasture without milking the
cows, and lets the calves run with their mothers and drink all the milk.
No notice of this is taken on his return, and the same course is pursued
by him for thirty days. All his companions leave him severely alone, and
nickname him "the silly one." On the thirtieth day his father says,
"Surely my son wants to get married." This remark is repeated to the
youth, and the next day the cattle return to their former habits and are
milked as usual, but on the first morning of their milking the youth
must do it unaided. All this milk is then poured into a pot and made
into butter. The butter is boiled and poured into a new pot, and kept
to anoint the prospective bridegroom's face. No questions are asked as
to whom the youth wishes to marry. His wishes are very secondary
considerations, and not to be weighed for a moment against those of his
father. If the wife selected by his father does not happen to be the
"lady of his heart," he is at liberty to choose a second wife for
himself, as soon as he can pay the dowry or persuade his father to pay
it for him, for when he is a married man, he is on an equality with his
father, and can consult him or ask for his help.
After the episode with the cattle, the youth's father will select a
girl, and go to talk over matters with her father. After they have
agreed as to the number of cattle required for the dowry, about a month
is allowed to elapse, at the end of which time the cattle are chosen (as
a rule, thirty head are required, but occasionally fifteen or twenty,
with a horse or a few sheep and goats thrown in, will suffice). The
bridegroom's father prepares a small feast, the mother makes a large
quantity of "leting" (mild beer), and all the friends and relations on
his side regale themselves. The bridegroom then takes out the remaining
cattle to pasture, while his father and male friends start off with the
dowry. Some little distance before they reach the bride's home two
cattle are chosen from the herd, a male and a female, to represent the
bridegroom's parents; these are driven at a gallop through the village
and into the kraal. This is supposed to represent the impatience of the
parents to welcome their new daughter. The other cattle are driven
leisurely along, the herds lustily singing the Basuto wedding song.
These cattle are also shut up in the kraal on their arrival. All the
relations and friends of the bride then seat themselves on one side of
the entrance to the kraal, while the bridegroom's procession sit on the
opposite side. For a short time dead silence prevails, until the bride's
father (who hitherto has not appeared) joins the party and greets the
strangers, after which every one is allowed to talk. The bull and heifer
are then driven out and commented upon after the usual manner, very
fulsome remarks and compliments being exchanged. No girls must be seen
anywhere about, and the bride must be shut up in her father's hut, and
the mother in another hut by herself.
After a few pleasantries the bride's father goes to tell his wife his
opinion of the cattle. He then calls for "Juala" (strong beer), the
first pot being given to the two men who drove in the bull and heifer.
After they have drunk as much as they can, they say--
"We are coming to borrow a cup of water for our son."
The bride's father asks--"How many cattle have you brought?"
They reply "Thirty," or whatever the number may be.
The cattle are then counted, and every one drinks again.
The bridegroom's companions now begin to dance, and all the girls of the
village must join in the dancing, with the exception of the bride and
three chosen companions. This is continued till dark, all the
bridegroom's procession sleeping in the bride's village for the night.
The next morning the bride's father chooses the fattest ox he possesses
and has it killed, thus showing the bargain is completed. Should there
be no ox killed, then the bridegroom's father knows there is some hitch,
either the dowry is not sufficient, or a more eligible suitor has come
forward. A little tact and patience is necessary to find this out, as no
direct questions may be asked. If it is merely a matter of dowry, a
bargain is made, and, upon the arrival of the extra cattle, the
proceedings continue. After the ox is killed, the dewlap is cut off and
divided into two strips, one of which is bound round the girl's wrist,
and the other sent to the bridegroom to be bound round his wrist. This
signifies that they are now bound to each other. The bridegroom's father
then sends for a big ox, which is killed, and the skin given to the
bride's mother. All that day there is feasting and merry-making. The
next day the bridegroom's procession returns home. For a period of from
one to three months from this time the bridegroom continues to herd his
father's cattle, and life goes on much as usual, except that the father
and mother set about preparing their son's future home. When the
necessary time has expired, the bride sets out for her husband's home,
accompanied by two girl companions and two old women. On leaving her
father's house she must not say good-bye to her parents, nor must she
speak or look back until she reaches her husband. To look back or bid
farewell would show regret, and be an insult to her lord. Silence is
enjoined, because her first word must be her greeting to him. As a rule
several of her girl friends accompany her part of the way, laughing and
singing, and doing all in their power to make her either speak or look
back. While they are yet some little distance from the bridegroom's
village, they come to a standstill, the old women obstinately refusing
to go any farther until some suitable gift is presented to them. The
watchers at the village, who have seen all this byplay, and quite
understand what it means, hasten to tell the bridegroom's father, who at
once sends out either some wearing apparel, an ox, or young animal. As
soon as the sun sets, the bride enters the village, being conducted
straight to the bridegroom's house. She and her four companions must
remain perfectly silent, nor must they accept any refreshment from the
bridegroom's mother until his father has killed and roasted a sheep and
offered a portion of it to them to eat. The girl must be kept at her
mother-in-law's hut for the night, and remain perfectly silent. A number
of wedding guests now assemble, and feasting and singing continue all
night. In the morning the bride's friends return to their homes.
For the next month the bride is instructed in all household work by her
mother-in-law, and carries all the water from the well for the use of
the household. While going to fetch water she must neither turn her head
nor speak, no matter who may accost her. While in the "skerm," or even
in the hut, she is allowed to converse in low tones with any one who
comes in, but her voice must not be raised either in anger or laughter.
All this time remarks are freely made in her hearing as to her
attractions or lack of such, and very outspoken are those remarks.
Meanwhile, the bridegroom endeavours by every means in his power to see
and speak to his bride, but on no account must others see him near the
hut, and his mother keeps watch more or less strictly, as she happens to
be more or less favourably disposed towards his bride. The consequence
is that the bridegroom creeps round the hut whenever he gets away from
observation, and, should he be fortunate enough to find his bride alone
in the "skerm," he crawls in and talks to her in low tones while she is
grinding, for, upon seeing him enter in that manner, she knows he is her
husband, and instantly begins grinding. Should any one be heard
approaching the hut, the bridegroom will at once disappear. When the
month of probation is ended, the bride is conducted to her own hut, and
freed from all restrictions.
It is the custom of the wife, some few months afterwards, to take her
pitcher to the well, break it, and leave the broken pieces where they
will be seen, and run away to her own parents, without giving any one a
hint as to her intentions. Her mother will at once make her a new
pitcher. When it is ready she and her friends will set out for her own
home, laden with pots of "leting," and in some cases driving an ox
before them. Her return is the signal for renewed feasting and
merrymaking.
Of course, now that the missionaries have introduced European marriage
customs, a great many of these native rites and ceremonies are done away
with, a Christian native's marriage being conducted on the same lines
and subject to the same rules as a white man's, the bride even adorning
herself with cheap (in quality, but not in price) white finery, with
the orthodox wreath and veil, in which, poor creature, did she but know
it, she looks extremely ridiculous. She is attended by bridesmaids, all
decked out in bright colours, and the bridegroom and best man are
resplendent in brand-new suits, white dress shirts, and upright collars,
with gorgeous ties.
A Mosuto has no objection to marriage with a blood relation, provided
she will prove a desirable connection, and it is the custom for the
chiefs to inherit their fathers' wives as well as his other possessions.
These wives, as a rule, each chief distributes amongst his councillors
and favourites, but their children are always called his, thus giving
him a considerable source of wealth, as the sons work for him, and the
daughters bring him large dowries of cattle. Fidelity, either from the
husband or wife, is a virtue rarely to be found amongst the heathen, but
its absence creates no trouble as long as it is not discovered. If a man
ill-uses his wife to any great extent, she can return to her father; the
marriage is then annulled, and her father is entitled to retain both her
and the cattle paid by the ex-husband for her at the time of the
marriage.
In cases where a chief wishes to retain the services of a man, he will
bestow one of his wives upon him for the length of time his services are
required, but any children born of this marriage belong to the chief.
This state of affairs is kept as much as possible from the knowledge of
Europeans, and indeed the missionaries have done much towards the
improvement of the people in this respect, as well as in other ways;
but, while such vast numbers are averse to Christianity, the improvement
must naturally be slow.
Such a thing as an "old maid" is almost unknown amongst the heathen
Basuto, nor are widows allowed to remain as such for any length of time.
Generally, a widow is married again twelve months after her husband's
death, to his nearest blood relation, most frequently his brother.
The superstitions and practices with regard to illness and death are
worthy of record. If any one is taken ill it is believed to be because
he or she has offended the spirits of his forefathers. To propitiate
them, an ox or a sheep must at once be sacrificed, the blood of which
must be used to wash the sick person, while the fat from the entrails of
the sacrifice must be wrapped round the patient's neck. The meat of the
sacrifice is eaten by the "family doctor" and the male relations,
without salt, and at one meal. If the patient recovers, it is because
the sacrifice has found favour with the spirits; but if he dies, they
are still angry, and further means must be taken to propitiate them.
In cases of serious illness, when it is unmistakable that death is
near, the sick person is taken out of the hut, if it is at all possible
to remove him, without causing him instant death, as the spirits obtain
easier access to the "Skerm" than to the interior of the hut. A hole is
cut in the "Skerm" to enable the spirits to enter, as they cannot do so
through the doorway of mortals. The friends and relatives of the dying
man (or woman) then bid him farewell and leave him to the care of the
watchers, old women, blood relations of the family. These heartless
creatures resort to the most cruel and barbarous acts, which it would be
too revolting to describe; suffice it to say, that, ere life is quite
extinct, they place their victims in the recognisedly correct posture,
namely, in an upright position, with knees up to chin, and arms doubled
up. They then tie him securely so that he cannot move his limbs.
In cases where death has been unexpected, the sinews have to be severed
at the elbows, knees, and hips, in order to place the dead in the
correct position for burial. As soon as death has occurred, a skin is
thrown over the corpse, which on no account must be removed by any one.
The old women then break out into a dismal wailing cry, and the watchers
outside know that all is over. They immediately throw ashes on their
heads and join in the weeping, placing their hands on their bowed heads,
and almost prostrating themselves before the dead. All friends are then
summoned, each one bringing a present of grain for the dead to sustain
him on his journey. They then kill an ox as a sacrifice, which is cooked
after dark; the mourners weep and gird their loins with strips of hard
hide, and seat themselves in groups by the hut. Very little talking is
allowed, the only permissible subject being the good deeds and noble
qualities of the deceased. After dark a few of the nearest male
relatives set off to dig the grave, which is a circular hole about four
feet deep. The doctor is called to pray for clouds, in order that the
night may become very dark.
Shortly before midnight the corpse is carried, still wrapped in the
skin, and placed at the entrance to the cattle kraal, which is left open
all night, as he alone must guard the cattle from straying on this, his
first night in the spirit world. Just before dawn he is placed in his
grave with the grain, a small piece of meat, salt and leting, and a
large stone, as nearly the size of the grave as possible, is placed on
his head. He is placed facing the east, to be ready to obey "Molinio's"
call, and in a crouching position, so as not to be late in answering it.
The grave is then filled up with earth and stones, until there is a
fair-sized mound. On the top of this is placed the contents of the
stomach of the cow or ox, sacrificed at sunset to the spirits who rule
over life and death, after which every one must leave the grave,
without one backward glance, if they do not wish to incur the severe
displeasure of the spirits.
The entrance to the cattle kraal is then built up, and a new one made.
The cattle are called "Melimo a' nko e metse" (the spirits with the wet
noses). The graves of old men are always dug round the kraal, others are
buried, either on the hill top, or in sight of the kraal, but not very
near.
The mourners then return to the hut, where the meat of the sacrifice is
divided between them; but before eating, they wash themselves, and the
near relations of the deceased fasten a piece of fat from the entrails
round their neck, thus signifying that they mourn for a parent, or
husband, or child, and to propitiate the spirits, lest another of the
family should die. In eating the meat great care must be taken that no
bones are allowed to be thrown away, or given to the dogs, because they
are a sacrifice to the old god, and dogs may neither partake of such
food nor enter the "happy land." When all the meat is eaten the bones
are collected and burnt, while the mourners stand round and cry, "Our
God, hear us, oh! hear us, we pray, and receive this dead brother (or
sister) in peace. There is a light to our grandfather's Father. May the
old God pray to the new God for us."
I forgot to mention that the meat of the sacrifice must not be cut with
a knife, nor have salt eaten with it. It must be torn in pieces, as to
use a knife would be to make sickness sharp. The poles of the dead man's
hut are then pulled out, as no one must live in it again, and it is made
a ruin.
After four or five months the pieces of fat are removed from the necks
of the mourners, and replaced by a black reim, or strap, which is worn
until the year of mourning has expired. The nearest male relative, uncle
or brother of the deceased, then arrives, and is shown all the clothing,
bedding, &c., with any possessions, such as knives, weapons, saddlery,
&c., which belonged to the dead man. A sheep is then killed, and the
blood is sprinkled over the clothing. The whole sheep must be eaten by
the uncle alone before he can return to his own house. When it is
finished he breaks the mourning chains, which he takes with him. A pack
ox or horse and all the personal effects of the deceased are brought to
the door and taken away by the uncle, who thus removes all sickness from
the family. When he reaches home, before he enters his own house,
another sheep is killed and quickly eaten by him and his family, so as
to drive sickness far from the house.
Should any one be so heartless as not to cry at the funeral of friend or
relation, the spirits become enraged, and visit him with some terrible
sickness as a punishment for his hardness of heart.