I Stand in the copses sighing
As the cruel hours creep by,
And I see you slowly flying
Above the trees on high.
Your wondrous wealth, of feather
Has weaved a subtle spell,
And I softly wonder whether
You'd really taste as well.
For my hand is fairly steady
Though my heart is beating fast,
Oh, tell me that you too are ready
To make this hour your last.
For repentance may come when we're sober,
Let's seize on the chance while we may;
Then why should we wait till October?
Oh! Why not be shot to-day?
Oh! tell me why, why should I remember
With a thought of wild alarm,
That all through the month of sweet September
You should be free from harm.
Why, why does your beauty enslave me,
As it does, you're bound to allow
Oh! say but the word that will save me,
And tell me to shoot you now.
For my heart is wildly beating
(As it's often done before),
And the moments madly fleeting
Are going to come never more.
For repentance may come when we're sober,
Let's seize on the chance while we may,
Then why should we wait till October?
Oh! Why not be shot to-day?
* * * * *
"THE GRATUITOUS OPINION."
(_A STORY FOR THE LONG VACATION_.)
The Eminent Lawyer was about to return to his private address, when
there was a knock at the door of his Chambers. He attended to the
summons himself, and found facing him an elderly and carefully dressed
individual.
"That some of my suburban neighbours desire the information, must be
my excuse for troubling you," said the visitor.
"Nay, do not apologise," returned the Eminent Q.C., "it is my
pleasantest duty to give legal tips or applications to anybody. It is
not altogether lucrative, as I deliver them for nothing, but then on
the other hand, they are suitable for insertion in the papers, and
that is a comforting consideration. What can I do for you?"
[Illustration]
"I have to ask you on behalf of my suburban neighbours," continued the
visitor, "whether there is any principle which is accepted by Judges
to regulate their decisions in cases where drunkenness seems to be the
incentive of crime?"
"I shall only be too glad to find a solution to a problem which
appears one of great difficulty--the more especially as certain
inhabitants of the suburbs are so deeply interested in the subject. It
seems to me that some Judges think one way and some another."
"That is strange," murmured the visitor. "Cannot their Lordships come
to a common conclusion?"
"I fear not," replied the Eminent Counsel, with a mournful smile. "It
is merely a question of opinion. However, I take it that one would
be perfectly safe to commit a murder under the influence of _delirium
tremens_."
"I am infinitely obliged to you for the information," said the
visitor, "as now I know what to do."
"You are not homicidal, I trust!" exclaimed the Lawyer, jumping up
from his chair, and taking protection behind a desk. "I have the
greatest possible objection to homicidal clients."
"Be under no apprehension," was the reply. "I have a strong desire to
shorten the life of a certain person, but have not the nerve to do it.
If I ever succeed, will it be a case deserving capital punishment?"
The Lawyer pondered a moment, and then replied. "I have no wish
to offer my counsel; but, as you have exhausted my time for
consideration, I would propose that you should try the matter for
yourself. Become intoxicated, put yourself within the clutches of the
law, and then see whether his Lordship will assume the black cap."
"You are very good," returned the would-be homicide, "but I have
one difficulty. When I make up my mind to remove a person by
unconventional means (for choice, a carving-knife), and consume the
necessary amount of alcohol to insure intoxication--"
"Yes," interjected the Lawyer, who had now opened the outer door.
"I find, on reaching intoxication, that I have entirely forgotten the
identity of the man I have marked for my victim. Then I have got to
grow sober before I can remember who it is. Annoying, isn't it?"
And, wishing the Eminent Counsel a pleasant holiday, the visitor
disappeared into the Inner Temple.
* * * * *
[Illustration: AT THE SOUTH SEA-SIDE.]
* * * * *