(_MYSTERIOUS MEM. FROM A HAWARDEN NOTE-BOOK._)
Exceedingly kind and flattering of MAX MÜLLER! "I hope there are but
few here present who have never enjoyed the privilege of listening to
Mr. GLADSTONE." Ha! ha! He little thought there was _one_ there who
had _not_ "enjoyed that privilege." Have enjoyed most privileges in
my time, but never that of "hearing myself as others hear me"--more or
less. "Unavoidable absence of Mr. GLADSTONE!" Ho! ho! Then my disguise
_was_ perfect. Get myself up as a Liberal Unionist, with wig and
eye-glass. Not likely anybody would recognise me in _that_ rig.
Rather enjoyed myself--and my paper, "Phoenician Elements in the
Homeric Poems." Most seductive title! Such a _popular_ touch about it!
Think I shall have it printed as a "leaflet" for distribution among
Workmen's Clubs and Radical Associations. Might conciliate those
well-meaning but illogical Eight-Hour Men. Wonder if KEIRHARDIE would
like a copy. What more nicely calculated to cheer the scant leisure of
Labour?
Funny to hear my own sinuous sentences coming back to me from mouth
of another. Not quite sure MAX is so "fascinating in his voice, and
so persuasive in his delivery" as--but no matter. Can't say--as MAX
did--"I felt myself carried away, and convinced almost against my
will." Not at all! Wonder what he meant by that? Why "against his
will"? That's what Liberal Unionists, and other preposterous and
illogical opponents of mine say in House, when they compliment me on
my "eloquence," _and then vote against me!_ Absurd! Wish they'd drop
their compliments and vote straight.
"Small and exotic contribution" to Oriental Congress! Neat description
of paper running to nearly four columns of _Times_. "Intense sentiment
of nationality, which led the Greeks of later days to covet the title
of Autochthones." Wonder if that reminded MAX, or anyone else, of
_another_ race with "an intense sentiment of nationality," and a
passionate love of the land from which they sprang. Wonder whether,
if Nationalists were to call themselves "Auctochthones" instead of
Home-Rulers, we should get along better? Must consult JUSTIN on this
point. Should have to teach some of them to _pronounce_ their new
name, though. "Autochthones," spoken in wrath, with a rich brogue,
after dinner, would, I should think, beat Phillippopolis, or "Ri'
l'il, ti' li'l Isl'l" hollow.
_Anax andron_, too, might be useful. Say, as substitute for that
everlasting G.O.M., of which I admit I'm heartily sick, Lord of Men!
_Not_ King of Men, of course. LABBY might kick at latter. "Nothing
can be simpler than the meaning of the two words." Exactly. Must get
HARCOURT to popularise these. Applied to AGAMEMNON. Why not to "strong
men" who live _after_ AGAMEMNON? "Evidence from extraneous sources
of connection between title of _Anax andron_ and great Egyptian
Empire." Aha! I may yet have to play the _Anax andron_ in Egypt as
before. Allegory--I mean _Anax andron_ on banks of Nile! Good--and
not a Malapropism, whatever WOLSELEY may say. "Title of _Anax
andron_ descendible" (good word, "descendible") "from father to
son, and accorded in the poems to personages altogether secondary,
_viz._, EUMELOS and EUPHETES." Wonder what my EUMELOS--HERBERT--will
say to that!
Enjoyed it much whilst MAX was "mouthing out" (as Mrs. BROWNING
says) my eulogy of that man of "Phoenician stamp," the "universal
ODYSSEUS," who expressed the many-sided, the all-accomplished man;
the _polutropos_, the _polumetis_, the _tlemon_, the _polutlas_, the
_polumekanos_, the _poikilometis_, the _poluphron_, the _daïphron_,
the _talasiphron._ (What a peck of p's!) In battle never foiled! In
council supreme! His oratory like the snow-flakes of the winter
storm. Superbly representative Phoenician! "But over and above this
universality of ODYSSEUS in the arts of life, he bears the Phoenician
stamp in what may be termed his craft." Aha! The "Old Parliamentary
Hand" of his period plainly. Wonder if MAX thought of _that_!
Hellas and Phoenicia combined! As a Statesman of classical culture,
commercial instincts _and_ craft, what a shining success ODYSSEUS
might have been in these days!
He went into the Cyclops' cave
To see what he could spy out;
He slew his oxen, stole his sheep,
And then he poked his eye out,
as the ribald doggerelist has it. Sounds a little "predatory,"
perhaps, as SALISBURY would say. But quite capable of being
"spiritualised" into a sound Liberal policy, directed against the
purblind Poluphemos of Property and Privilege.
On the whole, I had a high old time among the Orientalists. But
when discussion ensued, I longed to throw off my disguise and
rush, Achilles-like, into the fray. But MAX might have thought that
inconsistent with my "colossal humanity;" so, very unwillingly, I
refrained.
* * * * *
UP ALOFT.--The most elevated title in the Peerage, and belonging to
the upperest part of the Upper House, is "Lord MOUNTGARRET." There can
be but one higher, and that will have to be created in the person of
a future "Lord TOPOCHIMNEPOT." Though, perhaps, the title of "Lord
COWLEY," if it were altered into Lord CHIMNEPOT-COWL-Y, would be the
highest of all.
* * * * *
ANGLICE-FRENCHIE EXCLAMATION (_on any of the recent many showery
days when, after an interval of ten minutes, the next bucketful
descended_).--"_POUR une autre fois!_"
* * * * *
[Illustration: NATURE'S SECRETS.
"HERE ARE SOME NEW LAID EGGS FOR YOU, GEORGIE!"
"OH, THANKS! HOW NICE! I HAVEN'T SEEN A NEW LAID EGG FOR WEEKS! HOW DO
YOU MANAGE TO GET THEM? OH, OF COURSE--YOU'VE GOT _AN INCUBATOR_!"]
* * * * *