_Shepherd_. (_Standing up_.) It's on principles like these--boldly and
unblushingly avoo'd here--in Mr. Awmrose's paper-parlour, at the
conclusion o' the sixth brodd, on the evening o' Monday the 22nd o'
September, Anno Domini aughteen hunder and twunty-aught, within twa
hours o' midnicht--that you, sir, have been yeditin' a Maggasin that has
gone out to the uttermost corners o' the yerth, wherever civilization or
uncivilization is known, deludin' and distracktin' men and women folk,
till it's impossible for them to ken their right hand frae their left--
or whether they're standin' on their heels or their heads--or what byeuk
ought to be perused, and what byeuk puttin intil the bottom o' pye-
dishes, and trunks--or what awthor hissed, or what awthor hurraa'd--or
what's flummery and what's philosophy--or what's rant and what's
religion--or what's monopoly and what's free tredd--or wha's poets or
wha's but Pats--or whether it's best to be drunk, or whether it's best
to be sober a' hours o' the day and nicht--or if there should be rich
church establishments as in England, or poor kirk ones as in Scotland--
or whether the Bishop o' Canterbury, wi' twenty thousan' a-year, is mair
like a primitive Christian than the Minister o' Kirkintulloch wi' twa
hunder and fifty--or if folk should aye be readin' sermons or fishin'
for sawmon--or if it's best to marry or best to burn--or if the national
debt hangs like a millstone round the neck o' the kintra or like a chain
o' blae-berries--or if the Millennium be really close at haun'--or the
present Solar System be calculated to last to a' eternity--or whether
the people should be edicated up to the highest pitch o' perfection, or
preferably to be all like trotters through the Bog o' Allen--or whether
the government should subsedeeze foreign powers, or spend a' its sillar
on oursells--or whether the Blacks and the Catholics should be
emancipawted or no afore the demolition o' Priests and Obis--or whether
(God forgie us baith for the hypothesis) man has a mortal or an immortal
sowl--be a Phoenix--or an Eister!--_From the Noctes_.
* * * * *