CARES OF STATE
Queen Selina was as good as her word. The first thing after breakfast
the next morning she retired to her Bower, and sent a summons to the
Court Godmother, desiring her immediate attendance. King Sidney was
engaged in interviewing the Lord Treasurer on the subject of the Royal
revenue. The Crown Prince and Princess Edna were strolling on the
terrace, and Daphne had discovered the board and pieces of a game
something between Chess and Halma, the rules of which she and Princess
Ruby were learning under the instruction of the Countess von
Haulemännerschen. So that the Queen, having taken care not to disturb
any of her ladies-in-waiting, could count upon being able to deal
faithfully with the obnoxious old Fairy without fear of interruption.
"Well, my dear," began the latter, as soon as she appeared, "I hope you
passed a comfortable night?"
"I don't know when I passed a _more_ uncomfortable one, Mrs. Fogleplug.
That is _one_ of the things I wished to speak to you about. After being
accustomed as I have to a spring mattress, all those great feather beds
made it simply impossible to get a wink of sleep!"
"That," said the Fairy, "is one of the penalties of being of the blood
Royal. An ancestress of yours slept in that very bed, my dear, ages ago,
before even _I_ can remember--or I should rather say she _tried_ to
sleep, but could not, owing to a pea that had somehow got under the
lowest feather-bed of all. It was certainly very careless if the pea has
never been removed."
"It would also show, Mrs. Fogleplug, that during all those ages the bed
can never have been properly aired. I should have thought it would have
been _your_ business to see to that."
"Then you would be entirely mistaken, my dear, for it is not. And, as I
notice that you find a difficulty in pronouncing my name correctly, I
may suggest that it would be simpler in future to call me by my proper
title, which is, 'High Court Godmother,' or 'Court Godmother,' if you
prefer it."
"And while we are on the subject of titles," said Queen Selina, "_I_ may
mention that it is customary to address a Queen as 'Your Majesty,' and
not as 'my dear.'"
"It has always been my habit with Sovereigns, and I have never heard it
objected to till now."
"Well, _I_ object to it. But--and this is what I sent for you
about--there are other matters I object to even more. I intend to
regulate my household on a thoroughly modern and English system, and I
cannot have any member of it careering about in the air in outlandish
cars drawn by birds. If you _must_ have a conveyance you must be content
with a brougham or a victoria, for I shall insist on your putting down
both those bird-cars."
"You seem to forget that, but for one of them, you would never have come
into your Kingdom!"
"That may or may not be. At any rate there is no further necessity for
them, and--well, it just comes to this, Madam, either they go or you
do."
The old Fairy's eyes smouldered with anger, and her nut-cracker mouth
and chin champed for a few seconds before she replied.
"I have occupied rooms in this Palace--when not at the Palace of
Clairdelune--for over a century and a half, and I have no intention of
giving them up. I shall also continue to use the vehicles which I find
most convenient."
"Oh?" said the Queen, "will you? We shall _see_ about that!"
"We shall," the Court Godmother retorted. "I don't think you quite
realise yet whom you have to deal with. I may be getting on in years,
but both here and at Clairdelune I am accustomed to being treated with
more deference and respect than you seem disposed to pay me. You see,
they know that, although I have not used the full powers I possess as a
Fairy for many years past, I have not lost them altogether. I might see
fit to employ them once more--on any person who was rash enough to incur
my displeasure. And ingratitude and pride are the failings which I
always made it my particular business to correct. You would find it more
to your advantage to be on good terms with me." There was no mistaking
the veiled threat, and Queen Selina no longer doubted the Fairy's
abilities to carry it out. She was worsted, and her only course was to
give in gracefully.
"My _dear_ Court Godmother!" she cried, "you _quite_ misunderstood me!
I'd no wish to interfere with any of your habits--not in the very
slightest degree. All I _meant_ was that, perhaps, at your age, a more
ordinary carriage than your present ones might be--er--_safer_, you
know!"
"I am quite capable of looking after my own safety, thank you. But,
though you are our beloved Prince's daughter, you have been brought up
in ignorance of the ways of this country, so I am the more willing to
overlook treatment to which I feel sure I shall not have to draw your
attention again. And now, as we quite understand one another, my dear,
we will say no more about it. By the way, I hear you haven't sent for
any of your ladies-in-waiting this morning. How is that?"
"I--I didn't quite like to, Court Godmother. We're--well, hardly
intimate as yet. They are so reserved and distant--especially that
Princess Rapunzelhauser. But, of course, she comes of a very high
family."
"She is descended from the famous Rapunzel, whose story is no doubt
familiar to you.... No? Well, her father was a poor cottager who was
caught by an old witch stealing radishes from her garden. She let him
off on condition that he gave up to her the child his wife was
expecting. Rapunzel was the child, and in due time was claimed by the
witch, who shut her up in a lofty tower. However, she had the most
wonderful hair, so long that when she let it down from the top window it
touched the ground, and so thick that the Prince whom she subsequently
married was able to climb up by it, and make love to her."
"Now you mention it, I have some faint recollection--and so Princess
Rapunzelhauser is descended from _her_! Well, that would account
for--but Princess Goldenenfinger--something, now, she _does_ look as if
she had _some_ good blood in _her_ veins."
"The best in Märchenland. An ancestor of hers was King of one of the
smaller Kingdoms into which the country was divided in those days. One
day when out hunting he found a woodcutter's daughter living all alone
in a hollow tree, and fell violently in love with her."
"A _woodcutter's_ daughter? Dear me! Then, of course, marriage was out
of the question."
"Not at all! they were married and had children. Unfortunately there was
an estrangement between the King and Queen later as she was accused of
having murdered them, and condemned to be burnt to death."
"It only shows what a mistake it is to marry beneath one."
"_This_ marriage ended happily. It was discovered, just in time, that
the children were alive after all."
"Still," said the Queen, "it is _not_ a pleasant thing to have happened
in _any_ family. I should like to hear something about the pedigrees of
my other ladies-in-waiting."
The Court Godmother was quite ready to give her all the information she
could. Princess Flachspinnenlosburg, it appeared, traced her descent
from the incorrigibly lazy daughter of a poor and not over scrupulous
mother; Baroness Belohnte von Haulemännerschen from similarly humble
folk, whose daughter was servant of all work to seven dwarfs, and
afterwards married the King of one of the petty states before mentioned;
Baroness von Bauerngrosstochterheimer's ancestor was a peasant; Countess
Gänsehirten am Brunnen's ancestress a goose-girl--and so on through the
entire list. Queen Selina then became curious as to the origin of the
gentlemen of her Court, and found that many of their forbears were
sullied by the taint of Trade. The founders of both Prince Tapfer von
Schneiderleinberg's and Count Daumerlingenstamm's houses were tailors;
Baron von Bohnenranken derived his title from a speculator who, after a
remarkably unsuccessful venture in cattle, had made a colossal coup in
beans. As for Prince Hansmeinigel, his pretensions to high descent were
even more questionable--at least, if it was actually the fact, as the
Fairy stated, that the first of his progenitors was not only the son of
a poor father, but also suffered the additional social disadvantage of
being a hedgehog from the waist upwards; added to which he seemed to
have cherished an eccentric passion for playing the bagpipes while
riding on a cock. It is true that, after his marriage with a Princess,
he became a less impossible member of Society--still, as the Queen very
rightly felt, there are some things which can never be altogether lived
down.
"I'm much obliged to you for telling me all this, Court Godmother," she
said, at the end; "_most_ interesting, I'm sure. And so useful to know
who everybody really _is_!"
It was something of a disillusion to find that her Court was so largely
composed of _parvenus_, but, on the other hand, it enabled her to face
her ladies-in-waiting in future without any distressing sense of
inferiority.
She was on the point of summoning them when the King suddenly burst into
her bower. "Selina, my love," he began, with suppressed excitement, "if
you'll tell this good woman to go, I've something to say to you."
"Oblige me, Sidney," replied the Queen, "by not alluding to the High
Court Godmother again as a good woman; we may consider ourselves very
fortunate that she is doing us the honour of residing under our roof,
and you will be good enough to show her proper respect."
"Oh, sorry, I'm sure; I thought you said--but if _that's_ how it is, I
apologise for interrupting you."
"I have said all I have to say," said the Court Godmother, "so there is
no need for me to remain any longer." And with that she hobbled out of
the room.
"I suppose you got your way about those--ah--bird-chariots, my dear?" he
asked, "as you don't seem to have sacked her!"
"She seemed so upset at the idea of giving them up that I said she might
keep them. I shall certainly not 'sack' her, as you call it. Now I've
come to know her better, I find she is a good, faithful old soul who is
much too useful to part with, and you must be very careful to be civil
to her in future. What was it you wanted to say to me?"
"The Lord Treasurer and I have been going into our private resources,"
he said. "I thought perhaps you might like to come with me to my
Counting-house and--and have a look at 'em, my dear."
She was only too eager to do so. "Tell me, Sidney," she gasped, as they
hurried through various corridors to the wing in which the King's
Counting-house was situated. "Shall we--shall we have enough to live on
decently?"
"I don't know what _you_ will think," he replied, with an irrepressible
chuckle, "but I should call it affluence myself--positive affluence, my
love!"
They arrived at a heavily clamped door, where the Marshal, the
Treasurer, and Prince Clarence and Princess Edna were waiting for them.
"Two steps down," said King Sidney after unlocking the door.
"And here we _are_!" he cried triumphantly, as they entered.
The Counting-house was a huge barrel-roofed chamber lighted from windows
protected by elaborate scroll-work bars. Upon shelves all round the
walls, and piled in heaps on the floor, were sacks, "Every blessed one,"
explained the King, "chock full of gold ducats! What do you think of
_that_, eh, my love?"
"I think, Sidney," she replied, "that _I_ am the person who should have
the key."
"There's one for each of us," he said. "Here's yours. And on that table
there you'll find purses laid out, and a little gold shovel to fill them
with. I've filled mine. Whenever our funds are running low, you see,
we've only to come down here and help ourselves."
"Good biz!" said the Crown Prince, beginning to fill one of the purses.
"I shall fill my pockets as well--save another journey, what?"
"Some of us do not possess pockets, Clarence," said his mother. "And I
must make it a rule that no one is to take out more than a purseful at a
time, and only after satisfying me that the money is required for some
legitimate purpose."
"I don't think such precautions are at all necessary, my dear," said
King Sidney. "Marshal Federhelm seems to have put by a good deal while
he was Regent. And besides, there's plenty more where _this_ comes from,
you know!"
"And where _does_ it come from?" inquired the Queen.
"Why, the Treasurer tells me, we've a mine of our own in
the Golden Mountains a few miles from here--a mine that is
practically--ah--inexhaustible. I rather thought of driving over
to see it some day."
"Let's all go!" said the Crown Prince. "Why not this afternoon? It'll be
something to do!"
Queen Selina was pleased to approve the suggestion. "We certainly ought
to show that we are interested in industrial concerns," she said. "All
the _best_ Sovereigns do. I can't help wishing, though, that poor dear
Papa could have come with us. He knew so much about gold mines."
"Just as well for us he can't," said Clarence, "because _he'd_ be the
Boss, then! I say, I've got an idea. Why not take one of those sacks in
the coach with us and chuck money out of the window to the crowd, what?"
"Look too much as if we were out for a beanfeast, my boy," objected his
father.
"And what's the matter with a beanfeast? Believe me, it will make us
jolly popular and be a lot better fun than just bowing to the
blighters."
"And far less fatiguing," said Edna.
"There's something in what Clarence says," said the Queen. "It _would_
increase our popularity--and that is so important. Of course we
shouldn't make a _practice_ of it, but we can quite afford it, just for
once--what do you think, Mr. Marshal?"
The Marshal thought it was an excellent notion.
The Golden Mountains were not much more than a couple of leagues from
Eswareinmal, and the roads being tolerably good, a lighter vehicle than
the State Coach and six sturdy horses accomplished the journey in very
good time. In the streets they passed through and at various villages
along the valley, crowds had collected, and the enthusiasm with which
they scrambled for the coins that were showered from the carriage
windows proved how fully they appreciated the benefits of an established
Monarchy.
"Don't throw any more now, children," counselled Queen Selina as they
neared the mine. "We must keep some for the dear miners. Sidney, be sure
to ask some questions about the machinery, and whether they're all happy
and comfortable. And do it tactfully, because I've always heard miners
are such a very independent and intelligent class."
Perhaps even so short a residence in Märchenland as theirs might have
prepared the Royal party for the unusual. But it was an undeniable shock
to them all to find, on arrival at the mine, not only that the method of
working was primitive to the last degree, but that it was entirely
conducted by diminutive beings who were unmistakable Yellow Gnomes. The
interior of the mine resounded with the blows of pickaxes, but the
inevitable trumpeters had no sooner announced that the Sovereigns had
left their coach than all work was suspended. The miners swarmed up from
their tunnellings, literally tumbling over one another in their haste to
behold the countenances of Royalty.
"They seem--ah--a remarkable lively lot," observed King Sidney as some
of the Gnomes turned somersaults and Catherine wheels around their
visitors, while the more retiring stood unassumingly in the background
on their heads. "A bit undersized, and, judging from their complexions,
I should say the work had affected their livers. But it _may_ only be
due to the gold-dust."
"They don't seem to realise a bit who we _are_!" complained Queen
Selina. "Sidney, _did_ you see that? One of the little wretches has
just taken a flying leap over my very head!"
The Baron, who had followed in another coach, explained that these
demonstrations were merely intended to express loyal delight.
"Oh, if you _say_ so, Baron," she said. "But anyone might easily mistake
it for impertinence. If it was not hopeless to expect an intelligent
answer from people who seem unable to stay right side up for a single
moment, I should like to know what wages they receive and what they live
on."
The Court Chamberlain informed her that the Gnomes got no wages and
required little in the way of food, their favourite diet, he believed,
being earth.
"Revolting!" was her comment. "No wonder they look so unwell! Still,
their living cannot cost much, so I should think, Sidney, if we gave
the--er--foreman a gold piece to be divided amongst them, that would be
amply sufficient."
King Sidney thereupon presented a ducat to the most important-looking
Gnome, who immediately let it drop indifferently.
"Wonder why he did that?" said the King. "Doesn't he think it's enough?"
"Knows too much about how it's made, I expect," said Clarence. "Like the
chap at the Marmalade factory."
"Well, it's a pity to waste it," said his father, picking up the coin.
"I should like to see them at work before we go."
His wish having been conveyed to the Head Gnome, the whole band rushed,
yelping and screeching, back into the galleries, seized their picks, and
began hacking at the gold which gleamed in veins of incredible richness
through the rocky walls and roof of the caves. But perhaps their efforts
would have been more effective if they had not been quite so apt to get
in one another's way.
The visitors then inspected the furnace where the ore was melted, and
the Mint where it was stamped into big fat coins. These were put up in
sacks for transmission to the Royal Treasury, but, as a fresh batch had
been delivered only recently, the supply in hand at the Mint was not
very large just then.
"I _did_ like those Gnomes!" said Princess Ruby on the way home. "Didn't
_you_, Mummy?"
"I should have liked them better, my dear, if they had been more like
fellow-Christians. Sidney, I shall _insist_ on their wearing some
civilised costume."
"By all means, my love, if we continue to employ them. But I rather
think it would be better to get rid of them altogether."
"Get _rid_ of them, Sidney? What in the world _for_?"
"Well, you see, my dear, at the last General Election I took a somewhat
prominent part in denouncing the Conservatives for employing Chinese
labour in the South African mines. It would be very awkward if people at
Gablehurst found out that our entire income was derived
from--er--'Yellow Slavery.'"
"Stuff and nonsense, Sidney! Who do you suppose is likely to _tell_
them?"
"You never know how things get about," he said uneasily. "And, as a
consistent Radical, it--it goes against my conscience."
"Conscience, indeed! My dear good Sidney, if you go and get rid of those
Gnomes, who seem perfectly happy and contented, there'll be no one to
dig the gold!"
"We could hire full-grown white labourers, my dear. Of course at a
living wage, but, as they would work more systematically, they would
obtain a far larger output, so we should make a handsome profit by the
change."
"Ah, when you put it like _that_, Sidney, it makes all the difference. I
could see for myself that those hideous little horrors weren't taking
their work seriously."
"There's to be a State Council to-morrow morning," said the King. "It
would be a good opportunity to inform them that we do not intend to
countenance slavery any longer."
"That ought to have an excellent effect," Queen Selina replied. "I
shouldn't wonder if it made us more popular than ever.... Why, we're
back in the city already!... How delighted the dear people seem to see
us!... Yes, Children, you can empty the sack. The love of one's subjects
is well worth the money--and it's not as if we were ever likely to miss
it!"
The next morning after breakfast the King and Queen held their first
State Council, Prince Clarence, of whose business capacity both his
parents had a great opinion, being given a seat at the board. There
were, it appeared, various measures on the _agenda_ which, as the
President explained, were of the highest political importance, being
concerned with the settlement of such matters as the precise number of
cherries that were to be strung on a stick and sold for a groschen at
old women's fruit-stalls; the dimensions of the piece of jam that a
huckster should be permitted to put in his porridge; whether the
watchmen's horns really needed new mouthpieces, and, if so, whether
these should be of ivory or bone. Questions which had to be given the
fullest consideration and debated at prodigious length before the
Sovereigns could be asked to affix their signatures and seals to the
decrees.
Clarence fidgeted with undisguised impatience, and King Sidney was more
than once under the necessity of raising the golden hand at the end of
his sceptre to his lips in order to conceal an irrepressible yawn. But
at last the state business was disposed of, and the King was able to
introduce his own. It was clear from the vehement wagging of the
Councillors' white beards while he was announcing the Royal intention to
emancipate all Gnomes at present in the Gold mine, that they regarded
the new departure with no great favour. The President himself, although
he admitted that it concerned the Sovereigns more closely than any other
person, pointed out certain objections which he begged their Majesties
to ponder. And Councillor after Councillor rose and protested against
the scheme with the utmost solemnity and prolixity.
Queen Selina, who was now far more eager than the King to have the mine
reorganised on a more paying principle, would have answered the critics
herself, if Clarence had not induced her to leave the reply in his
hands.
"Well," he said, rising, "have you all done? No other gentleman wish to
hear himself talk?... All right then. Now I'll have _my_ little say. Of
course, what the venerable old Father Christmas in the chair told you
was perfectly correct. If we choose to set these little beggars free,
it's no business of anybody but ourselves. The Guv'nor--that is to say,
his Majesty--was merely _telling_ you about it--not asking what you
thought about it. Sorry if you don't approve, but we shall get over it
in time. And really, your objections, if you won't mind my saying so,
are absolutely footling. All they amount to is--because Gold Mines here
always _have_ been worked by gangs of Yellow Gnomes, therefore they must
be for all time. Now that's just the kind of fine old crusted pig-headed
Conservativism that's kept this the stick-in-the-mud Country it is! Look
at the sort of business you've been wasting our time in jawing about
to-day--why, in the country We came from, a Rural District Council would
have settled it all in five minutes if they thought it worth bothering
about at all. Street lanterns and watchmen's horns and old women's
sweet-stalls indeed! If you could only walk through--I won't say one of
our Cities, that might be too much of a shock for you--but through an
ordinary suburb such as we lived in, and saw how things were done
_there_, it would open your eyes a bit, I can tell you! You've been
marking time all these centuries while other Kingdoms have been making
progress. I'll tell you about some of the things we've learnt to do and
use, just as an ordinary matter of course--and you haven't so much as
heard of."
Here he gave them a vivid description of the chief inventions and
discoveries of the last eighty years, from the steam-engine to the
aeroplane, which latter, he declared, put their sixty-stork-power car
completely in the shade.
"If it is the fact," said the President, "that the inhabitants of your
Royal Highness's Country can work such marvels, you must be even
mightier magicians than were they whom our late King so wisely
suppressed."
"You're wrong there, old bird!" said Clarence cheerfully; "no Magic
about it whatever. All done by brains and enterprise, but--and this is
what I am trying to knock into your heads--if we'd been governed by a
set of stuffy old fossils like yourselves--if you'll allow me the
expression--we should never have got a blessed thing so much as
started!"
Many, if not most of the Council were sceptical as to the possibility of
such inventions as Clarence had described, but the good old Baron
assured them that, even during the short time he was in England, and
although it was night, he had witnessed many of them with his own eyes,
thanks to the powerful illuminants which made darkness almost as light
as day. He exhorted his hearers to count themselves fortunate in having
gained Sovereigns who possessed such wondrous powers, since their
faithful subjects would assuredly now enjoy the benefits of them.
"Aye," said the ex-Regent--though possibly not in such good faith as the
Baron. "We shall indeed have reason to congratulate ourselves if his
Royal Highness will graciously teach us how to construct one of these
fire-and-smoke-breathing engines that draw a line of waggons along roads
of iron, or even a mast that will send messages through a thousand
leagues of air."
"You don't want _much_, do you, dear old boy?" said Clarence. "You don't
suppose I can show you how to build a railway train when you haven't got
any of the bally materials or appliances, do you?"
"Your Royal Highness has but to name them, and they shall be procured."
"They're not to be got here," replied Clarence. "If I tried to tell you
what they were, you wouldn't be any the wiser!" He spoke nothing but the
truth, for he had but the sketchiest acquaintance with the composition
of any kind of machinery.
"Perhaps His Majesty," suggested the Marshal, who had long ago taken
King Sidney's measure, "is better able to instruct us in these mighty
secrets?"
"H'm, well, to tell you the truth," confessed the King, "although I've
been in the habit of using railways, motors, electric light, telephones,
and so forth constantly, I can't pretend to more than a general notion
of how they work. Couldn't _make_ any of 'em, you know. Not _my_ line of
business!"
"If that is indeed the case," said the President, "we find it the more
difficult to understand why his Royal Highness should have reproached us
for an ignorance which is no greater than either his own or your
Majesty's."
"I wasn't reproaching you," said the Crown Prince, a little awkwardly,
"I was only telling you how differently things are managed where _we_
come from. But after all, that isn't the point, so we'll say no more
about it. Let's get back to the Gnomes. One of you--I think it was the
gentleman with the grey topknot--objected that there was no other useful
way of employing them, except in the mine. Well, of course, we've
thought all that out," he declared, though, as a matter of fact, the
idea had only just struck him. "We intend to set 'em to work at laying
out a golf links, and when they've done that, we shall keep 'em on as
caddies. They're such nippy little devils that they ought to be jolly
useful.... Ah, naturally, you _wouldn't_ know what Golf is. Well, Golf
happens to be a thing I _do_ know something about. I can teach you
_that_ right enough. It's simply the greatest game going, and you'll be
grateful to me for introducing it. Don't worry," he added, as some of
the Council expressed dissent, "nobody's asking you to learn unless you
like. I shouldn't say myself that any of you--except perhaps the
Marshal--was very likely to shape into a 'plus' man. I fancy _he's_ got
the makings of a golfer in him, though, and, once I've got the course
laid out and given him a lesson or two, I bet you'll see he'll be as
keen as mustard."
Before the Council broke up, the ex-Regent undertook that, as soon as
Clarence had selected the ground, the Gnomes should be removed from
their present quarters, and placed under the Crown Prince's directions.
"Never again, Sidney," declared the Queen afterwards, "will you and I
sit through one of those tiresome councils! We'll leave them to manage
their own silly business, and if there's anything that requires our
signatures, they can bring the papers to us, and we'll sign them in our
own rooms. If there should be any difficulty, we can always ask the
Marshal--he's so very sympathetic and helpful."
"Very," said the King, "oh, very--that is, I half fancied now and
then--but I believe he means us well. Yes, on the whole, my dear, I
think he's a person we can trust."
"You needn't _think_ about it, Sidney," she replied; "you can feel
absolutely _certain_ that there's _nothing_ that man wouldn't do for
us!"