THERE exists at this moment no institution which even aspires to be to the
Volapuk-speaking world what We were whilst still We remained in
Northumberland Street, and looked after things generally. The wise are few.
The governing minds are never numerous. But We have one, and We have
determined to expand it over a new Monthly Magazine. At the outset We,
being, after all, human, were confronted by the difficulty of finding a
title. Several suggested themselves to a Mind not lacking in scope. A few
may be mentioned. There was the _Filibuster_; the _Summum Bone-'em_;
_Macheath's Miscellany_; the _Monthly Marauder_; the _Eviscerator_; the
_Literary Leech_; the _Monthly Misappropriator_; the _Sixpenny Scoop_. Each
has its particular attraction and appropriateness. But, having submitted
the selection of titles for the consideration of some of the foremost men
of letters, lawyers, soldiers, scientists, and divines of our time, with a
request for an expression of their opinion, we decided upon the title which
appears at the head of these few preliminary remarks. We are the
_Pilferer_, price sixpence, published monthly; a reduction on taking a
quantity.
The _Pilferer_ will not be a colourless reflection of public opinion for
the time being. It will certainly not be a Party organ, and that for
sufficient reason. Neither Party has at this moment any distinctive body of
doctrine, any well-conceived system of faith, which would justify Us in
labelling Our new monthly with a Party badge. Moreover than which, We have
some reason to believe that neither Party, nor any subdivision of Party,
particularly cares to be associated with Us. We shall therefore be
independent of Party, because, having a very clear, intelligible belief in
Ourselves, We are able to survey the struggles of contending parties from
the standpoint of sublime egotism. We are the man who can interpret the
best thought of his day in such a manner as to render it accessible to the
general intelligence of Our age. We are the true Prophet of Our time, and
We hope to make a modest profit out of Our new venture. Hence, Our first
starting point will be a deep and almost awestruck regard for the destinies
of the Volapuk-speaking race. The American Republic we especially take
under our wing (price of the Magazine in the United States 50 cents.),
whilst we work for the Empire, seek to strengthen it, to develop it, and,
when necessary, to extend it. We believe in Ourselves, in England, and in
Humanity. We are not mad. We do not "hear them dancing in the hall," as
used to happen when HENRY RUSSELL still filled the stage of the Concert
Hall. But we have our mission, which is to hold the world straight, keep
ourselves _en évidence_, and earn a modest living.
How is this to be done? By the preaching of a man who energises the
activity of the Church by the ideals of chivalry and the production of a
Sixpenny Monthly, made up of pickings from other people's pockets. Visible
in many ways is the decadence of the Daily Press since We left it. The
Mentor of Young Democracy has abandoned philosophy, and stuffs the ears of
his TELEMACHUS with the skirts of CALYPSO'S petticoats, the latest scandals
of the Court, and the prurient purrings of abandoned womankind in places
where you accept the unaccustomed cigar, and drink the unfamiliar
champagne. All the more need, then, that there should be a Voice which,
like that of the Muezzin from the Eastern minaret, shall summon the
Faithful to the duties imposed by their belief. We go into this waste land
to possess it. It is capable of being made to flourish as of old under the
stimulating radiance of a great ideal, and the diligent and intelligent
culture of one who, like Ourselves, has the capacity for direction.
Who will help Us? There is not a street in London, nor a village in the
country, which is not capable of producing, even at short notice, and under
slight pressure, a man or a woman who will spend two hours a week, every
week in the year, in more or less irksome voluntary exertion in order to
sell the _Pilferer_. To such we say, "If, by canvassing, or otherwise, you
secure, say, six subscribers, the _Pilferer_ shall be sent to you as long
as the six continue their subscriptions." In this case, the subscriptions
should be paid in advance.
Are there any among the readers of the _Pilferer_ craving for counsel, for
sympathy, and for the consolation of pouring out their soul's grief at so
much a quart, so to speak? If so, may we ask them to communicate with Us?
Their cases, as they submit them, will be placed before such competent and
skilful advisers as We are able to gather round Us from the best men and
women in the Volapuk-speaking world. Their confidences will be printed free
of cost, and, touched up with the literary art that shaped many a spicy
series, are likely to produce copy at once tasty and cheap. We have a heap
of letters and post-cards from eminent persons to whom we submitted the
design lightly sketched above. They may be known as "Some Letters of Marque
to the Editor of the _Literary Privateer_."