_Or, How to Please Everybody_.
SCENE--_Railway Compartment._ BROWN _and_ JONES _discovered reading
Newspapers._
_Brown_ (_putting down his journal_). Not much news, Sir.
_Jones_ (_following the example_). Quite so, Sir--not much.
_Brown._ Perhaps, Sir, the most interesting item is this talk about London
Improvement.
_Jones._ So I think, Sir. But what do we want with this plan for widening
the Strand, and making a road to Holborn? It seems to me, Sir, that the
suburbs are being neglected.
_Brown._ I agree with you, Sir. Now, if they would develop the North of
London, it would be more to the purpose. If they would run a road direct
from Charing Cross to, say Zanzibar Terrace, Upper Kensal Green, West, it
would really be of service to the public.
_Jones._ Very likely, Sir--very likely. For my part, it seems to me that
Chiswick also requires a helping hand. The construction of a broad
boulevard running from Charing Cross in a straight line to, say, Upham Park
Road, would tend to show that the County Council justly appreciated its own
responsibilities. And I say this, knowing the necessities of Chiswick, for
in that neighbourhood I happen to reside.
_Brown._ And I, too, Sir, am equally cognisant of the requirements of Upper
Kensal Green West. As a matter of fact, Sir, I happen to have a comfortable
house in Zanzibar Terrace.
_Jones._ And I, Sir, a delightful villa in Upham Park Road.
[_Whistle. Train enters tunnel, and further conversation is drowned by the
rattle of the carriages._
* * * * *
A Musical Anticipation.
FRED COWEN'S _Viking_
Sure to be striking.
Think there is luck in
BARTON MCGUCKIN.
* * * * *
UNSOUGHT HONOUR.--After his last Birthday, Mr.
GLADSTONE was unanimously elected a Member of "the
Eighty Club."
* * * * *
[Illustration: PLAIN ENGLISH!
JOHN BULL. "LOOK HERE, MY LITTLE FRIEND, I DON'T WANT TO
HURT YOUR LITTLE FEELINGS,--BUT, _COME OFF THAT
FLAG!!!_"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Jenkinson_ (_to M. F. H., who dislikes being bothered_).
"WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS HORSE?" (_No answer._) "BRED HIM MYSELF, YOU
KNOW!"
_M. F. H._ (_looking at Horse out of corner of his eye_). "UMPH! I THOUGHT
YOU COULDN'T HAVE BEEN SUCH A SILLY IDIOT AS TO HAVE _BOUGHT_ HIM!"]
* * * * *