the better of them, and she went on for some time longer at the same
rate, talking about all sorts of intellectual things, until their
senses were in a whirl. But they admired Zues' spirit and her
eloquence, although with all their admiration none of them deemed
himself too humble to possess this jewel of a woman, especially as this
ornament of a house came cheap and consisted merely in an eager and
tireless tongue. Whether they themselves, after all, were worthy of
this that they valued so highly, and whether they would be able to
utilize this gift of hers, that class of idiot seldom inquires. They
are more like children who reach out for anything that glitters, who
lick off the vivid paint on a multicolored toy, and who put a mouth
harmonica into their little jaw instead of being content with listening
to its music. But while drinking in the high-flown phrases that dropped
so mellifluously from her lips, the three of them goaded on their
imagination more and more, sharpened their greed to own such a
distinguished person, and the more heartless, idle and parrot-like
Zues' chatter became, the more melancholy and depressed became her
swains. At the same time they felt a terrific thirst in consequence of
having swallowed so much of this dried fruit. Jobst and the Bavarian
looked for and found in the near-by woods a spring, and filled their
stomachs with cold water. But the Suabian had slyly taken along a flask
of cherry brandy and water, and with this he now refreshed himself. His
plan had been to thus gain an advantage over the others when making the
race, for well he knew that the other two were too parsimonious to
bring along a stimulant like that or to turn in at a tavern on the way.
This flask he now pulled out of his pocket, and while the others drank
their water he offered it to Zues. She accepted it, emptied the flask
half, and regarded Dietrich while she thanked him for the refreshment
with such an affectionate glance that Dietrich felt more than
recompensed and tremendously encouraged in his suit. He could not
withstand the temptation to seize her hand courteously and to kiss the
tips of her fingers. She on her part lightly touched his lips with her
hand, and he made belief of snapping at it, whereupon she smirked
falsely and pleasantly at him. Dietrich answered similarly. Then the
two sat down on the ground close to each other, and once in a while
would touch the soles of the other's shoe with his own, almost as
though they were shaking hands with their feet. Zues was bending over
slightly, and laid her hand on his shoulder, while Dietrich was on the
very point of imitating this little sport when the Bavarian and the
Saxon returned jointly, observed this philandering, and groaned and
lost color both at the same time.
From the water they had drunk on top of all this dried fruit they had
become uneasy, both of them, and now that they saw the playful pair
indulging in their little game, everything seemed to turn around them.
Cold sweat began to break out on their foreheads, and they nearly gave
themselves up for lost. Zues, however, did not for an instant lose her
self-possession, but turned to the two and said: "Come, friends, sit
down a little while longer here with me, so that we may enjoy, perhaps
for the last time, our harmony and our undisturbed friendship."
Jobst and Fridolin pressed up quickly, and sat down, stretching out
their thin legs. Zues left her one hand in the Suabian's own, gave
Jobst her other one, and touched with the soles of her shoes those of
Fridolin, while she turned her face to one after the other, smiling
most enchantingly. Thus there are skilled virtuosi who know how to play
a number of instruments at once, who shake bells with their heads, blow
the Pan's pipe with their mouths, touch the guitar with their hands,
strike the cymbal with their knees, with the foot a triangle, and with
the elbow a drum suspended from their backs.
But now she rose, smoothed out her dress very carefully, and said: "The
hour has now come, I think, my friends, when you must get ready for
your great race, the race which your master in his folly has imposed on
you, but which we ourselves have agreed to regard as the disposition of
a higher power. Run this race with all the energy you can muster, but
without enmity or rancor, and leave the crown of the victor willingly
to him who has earned it."
And as if stung by a vicious wasp the three sprang up and stood up
ready and eager on their legs. Thus they stood, and they were now to
try and vanquish each other with the same legs with which until now
they had made only slow and thoughtful steps. Not one of the three
could even recall ever having used these legs jumping or running. The
Suabian, perhaps, was most inclined for the venture. He even seemed to
be impatient for the struggle, and an eager look was in his eyes. At
that moment of severe crisis they three scanned each other's features
closely; the sweat had gathered on their pale brows, and they breathed
hard and spasmodically, as though they were already running at full
tilt.
"Shake hands once more, in token of good feeling," said Zues. And they
did so, but in so lifeless a manner that the three hands dropped to
their sides as if made of lead.
"And are we really to start on this fool's errand?" asked Jobst in a
voice thick with suppressed emotion, while wiping the perspiration from
his forehead. Some single tears were slowly crawling down his hollow
cheeks.
"Yes, indeed," chimed in the Bavarian, "are we actually to run and jump
like apes on a rope?" and began to weep in good earnest.
"And you, most charming Miss Buenzlin," added Jobst, "how are you going
to behave in the circumstances?"
"It behoves me," answered she and held her handkerchief to her eyes,
"to keep silent, to suffer and to look on."
"But afterwards," put in the Suabian, with a sly smile, "afterwards.
Miss Zues, when all is over?"
"Oh, Dietrich," she responded softly, "do you not know what the poet
says: 'As Fate decides, so turns the heart of maid'?" And in
introducing this quotation from Schiller she regarded him so temptingly
aside that he again lifted up his long legs and shuffled them, feeling
like starting off at once.
While the two rivals arranged their little vehicles on their wheels,
and Dietrich did the same, she repeatedly touched him with her elbow,
or else stepped on his foot. She also wiped the dust from his hat, but
at the same time threw inviting glances towards the others, pretending
to be highly amused at the Suabian's eagerness. But she did this
without being observed by Dietrich.
And now all three of them drew deep breaths and sighed like so many
furnaces. They looked all about them, took off their hats, fanned
themselves and then once more put on their hats. For the last time they
sniffed the air in all the directions of the compass, and tried to
recover their breath. Zues herself felt deeply for them, and for very
compassion shed sundry tears.
"Here," she then said, "are the last three prunes. Take each of you one
in the mouth, that will refresh you. And now depart, and turn the folly
of the wicked into the wisdom of the just! That which the wicked have
invented for your confusion, now change into a work of self-denial and
of serious enterprise, into the well-considered final act of good
conduct maintained for years, and into a competitive race for virtue
itself."
And she herself with her own fair hands shoved a dried prune between
the cramped lips of each, and each of them at once began to gently chew
the prune.
Jobst pressed his hand upon his stomach, exclaiming: "What must be,
must be. Let us start, in the name of Heaven!"
And saying which and raising his staff, he began to stride ahead, knees
strongly bent and nostrils high in air, dragging his little load after
him. Scarcely had Fridolin seen that, when he, too, did the same,
taking long steps, and without once looking behind him. Both of them
could now be seen descending the hill and entering the dusty highway.
The Suabian was the last one to get away, and he was walking, without
showing any great hurry, with Zues at his side, grinning in a
self-satisfied way, as though he felt sure of victory, and as though he
were willing, out of mere generosity, to grant a little start to his
rivals, while Zues praised him for this supposed noble action and for
his equanimity.
"Ah," she now sighed, "after all, it is a blessing to be sure of a firm
support in life! Even where one is sufficiently gifted oneself with
insight and cleverness and follows, besides, the path of rectitude, all
the same it makes it much easier to walk through life on the arm of a
tried friend."
"Quite right," the Suabian hastened to reply, and nudged her
energetically with the elbow, while at the same time he watched his
rivals so as not to let their start become too great. "Do you at last
notice that, my dear Miss Zues? Are you becoming convinced? Have your
eyes opened to the truth?"
"Oh, Dietrich, my dear Dietrich," and she sighed more strongly, "I
often feel so very lonesome."
"Hop-hop," he now laughed light-heartedly, "that is where the shoe
pinches? I thought so all along," and his heart began to leap like a
hare in a cabbage patch.
"Oh, Dietrich," she again breathed low, and she pressed herself much
tighter against the young man's side. He felt awkward, and the heart in
his bosom grew big with pleasure, and joy began to fill it altogether.
But at the same instant he made the discovery that his precursors had
already vanished from his sight, they having turned a corner. At once
he wanted to tear himself loose from Zues' arm and hasten after them.
But Zues kept such a tight hold of him that he was unable to do so, and
she grasped him so firmly that he thought she was going to faint.
"Dietrich," she whispered, and she made sheep's eyes at him, "don't
leave me alone at this moment. I rely on you, you are my sole help!
Please support me."
"The devil. Miss Zues," he murmured anxiously, "let me go, let me go,
or else I shall miss this race, and then good-by to everything!"
"No, no, you must not leave me just now. I feel that I am becoming very
ill!" Thus she lamented.
"I don't care, ill or not ill," he cried, and tore himself loose from
her. He quickly climbed a rock whence he was able to overlook the whole
highroad below. There they were, he saw the two runners far away, deep
below towards the town. And then he made up his mind to a great spurt,
but at the same moment once more looked back for Zues. Then he saw her,
seated at the entrance to a shady wood path, and motioning to him with
her lily hand. This was too much for him. Instead of hurrying down the
hill, he hastened back to her. And when she saw him coming, she turned
and went in deeper into the cool wood, all the time casting inviting
glances at him, for her object was, of course, to draw him away from
the race and cheat him out of his victory, make him lose and thus
render his further stay in Seldwyla impossible.
But Dietrich, the Suabian, was, as pointed out before, of an inventive
and resourceful turn. Thus it was that he, too, quickly made up his
mind to alter his tactics, and to score victory not down there but up
here. And thus things came to pass very much differently from what had
been calculated on. For as soon as he had come up with her in a
sheltered spot in the depth of the forest, he fell at her feet and
overwhelmed her with the most ardent declarations of his love for her
to which any combmaker ever gave expression. At first she made a great
attempt to withstand his wooing, bade him be quiet and desist from his
violent protestations, and to befool him a little while longer until
all danger of his winning should be past. She let loose the torrent of
her wisdom and learning, and tried to awe him. But the young Suabian
was not to be caught with this chaff. Paying not the slightest regard
to all these rhetorical fireworks, he let loose Heaven and Hell in his
stormy suit, lavishing caresses and blandishments on the surprised
maiden by which he finally stifled the voice of her severely attuned
conscience, and his excited and ready wit furnished him with enough of
love's ammunition to overcome all her scruples. His eloquence and his
bold and ever persistent wheedling and dandling gave her not a second's
respite nor leisure to reflect and deliberate. He first took possession
of her hands and feet, to kiss and fondle them, despite her strenuous
protests, and next he flattered her to the top of her bent, lauding
both her bodily and mental charms to the very skies, until Zues was in
a very paradise of self-glorification and satisfied vanity. Added to
this was the solitude and the sense of security from curious and
peering eyes in the leafy shade of the forest. Until at last Zues
really lost the compass to which hitherto she had clung as her safe
though rather selfish guide through life. She succumbed to all these
allurements, not so much by reason of exalted sensualism, as because
for the moment she was overcome and helpless against the stronger and
more primitive passion of this young man. Her heart fluttered timidly
up and down, and vainly attempted to find its former balance. Her
thoughts were in a perfect storm of contradictions, and she was
altogether like a poor impotent beetle turned over on its back and
struggling to recover the use of its limbs. And thus it was that
Dietrich vanquished her in every sense. She had tempted him into this
impenetrable thicket in order to betray him like another Delilah, but
had been quickly conquered by this despised Suabian. And this was not
because she was so utterly love-sick as to lose her bearings but rather
because she was in spite of all her fancied wisdom so short of vision
as not to see beyond the tip of her own nose. Thus they remained
together an hour or more in this delectable solitude, embraced ever
anew, kissed one another a thousand times, thus realizing the vision of
the Suabian not long before, and swore eternal faith and unending
affection, and agreed most solemnly, no matter how the affair of the
race should terminate, to marry and become man and wife.
In the meanwhile news of the curious undertaking of the three
combmakers had spread throughout the town, and the master himself had
not a little aided in this, for the whole matter appealed strongly to
his sense of humor. And hence all the people of Seldwyla rejoiced in
advance at the prospect of a spectacle so novel and unconventional.
They were eager to see the three journeymen arrive out of breath and in
complete disarray, and laughed heartily in anticipation of the fun they
counted on. Gradually a vast throng had assembled outside the town
gate, impatient to see the arrival. On both sides of the highroad the
curious people were seated at the edge of the trenches, just as if
professional runners were expected. The small boys climbed into the
tops of trees, while their elders sat on the grass and smoked their
pipe, quite content that such an amusement had been provided for them.
Even the dignitaries of Seldwyla had not scorned to put in their
appearance, sat in the taverns by the wayside and discoursed of the
chances of each of the three, and making a number of not inconsiderable
wagers as to the final result. In those streets which the runners had
to pass on their way to the goal all the windows had been thrown open,
the wives had placed in their parlors on the window ledges pretty
vari-colored cushions, to rest their arms upon, and had received
numerous visits from the ladies of their acquaintance, so that coffee
and cake was hospitably provided for them all, and even the maid
servants were in a holiday mood, being sent to bakers and confectioners
for goodies of every description with which to entertain the guests.
All of a sudden the little fellows keenly watching from out of their
leafy domes dimly saw in the distance tiny dust clouds approaching, and
they set up the cry: "Here they're coming! They're coming!" And indeed,
not long thereafter were seen Jobst and Fridolin rushing past, each
wrapped in his own hazy column of dust, in the middle of the road. With
the one hand they were pulling their valises on wheels each by himself,
these rattling over the cobblestones with a noise like drumbeats, and
with the other they held on tight to their heavy hats, these having
slid down their necks, and their long dusters and coats were flying in
the breeze. Both of the rivals were covered thickly with dust, almost
unrecognizable; they had their mouths wide open and were yapping for
breath; they saw and heard nothing that transpired around them, and
thick tears were slowly rolling down their faces, there being no time
to wipe them away, and these tears had dug paths in criss-cross fashion
in the grime on their countenances.
They came close upon each other, but the Bavarian was just about half a
horse's length ahead. A terrific shouting and laughter was set up by
the audience, and this droned in the ears of the racers as they sped on
in insane haste. Everybody got up and crowded along the sidewalk, and
there were cries raised: "That's it, that's it! Run, Saxon, defend
yourself: don't let the Bavarian have it all his own way! One of the
three has already given in--there are but two of them left."
The gentlemen who were standing on the tables and chairs in the gardens
and roadhouses laughed fit to split their sides. Their roars sounded
across the highway and streets, and woke the echoes, and the affair was
turned into a popular festival. Small boys and the entire rabble of the
town followed densely in the wake of the two, and this mob stirred up
thick volumes of biting dust, so that the racers were almost stifled
before they arrived at the near goal. The whole immense cloud rolled
towards the town gate, and even women and girls ran along, and mingled
their high, squeaking voices with those of the male ruffians. Now they
had almost reached the old town gate, the two towers of which were
lined with the curious who were waving their caps and hats. The two
were still running, foaming at the mouth, eyes starting out of sockets,
running like two run-away horses, without sense or mind, their hearts
full of fear and torture. Suddenly one of the little street boys knelt
down on Jobst's small vehicle, and had Jost pull him along, the crowd
howling with appreciation of the joke. Jobst turned and pleaded with
the youngster to get off, even struck at him with his staff. But the
blows did not reach the urchin, who merely grinned at him. With that
Fridolin gained on Jobst, and as Jobst noticed this, he threw his staff
between the other's feet, so that Fridolin stumbled and fell. But as
Jobst attempted to pass him, the Bavarian pulled him by the tail of his
coat, and by the aid of that got again on his feet. Jobst struck him
upon his hands like a maniac, and shouted: "Let go! Let go!" But
Fridolin did not let go, and so Jobst seized him also by the coat tail,
and thus both had hold of each other, and were slowly making their way
into the gateway, once in a while attempting to get rid of the other by
venturing on a bound. They wept, sobbed and howled like babies, shouted
in the agony of their grief and fear: "My God, let go!" "For the love
of Heaven, let go!" "Let go, you devil; you must let go!" Between
whiles each struck hard blows at the other's hands, but with all that
they advanced a little all the time. Their hats and staffs had been
lost in the scuffle, and ahead of them and behind them the hooting mob
was accompanying them, their escort growing more turbulent and violent
each minute. All the windows were occupied by the ladies of Seldwyla,
and they threw, so to speak, their silvery laughter into this avalanche
of noise, and all were agreed that for years past there had not been
such a ludicrous scene as this.
As a matter of fact, this crazy free show was so much to the taste of
the whole town that nobody took the trouble to point out to the two
rivals their ultimate goal, the house of their old master. They
themselves, these two, did not see it. Indeed, they did not see
anything more. They reached their goal and did not perceive it, but
went past and hurried crazily on, on and on, always escorted by the
shouts and yells of the mob, fighting each other, their faces drawn and
pinched as though in death, on and on, until they reached the other end
of the little town and so through the second gate out into the open
once more. The master himself had stood at the window of his house,
laughing and greatly amused, and after patiently waiting for another
hour for the victor in the strange tournament, he had been on the point
of leaving the house and joining some of his cronies at the tavern,
when Zues and Dietrich quietly and unobtrusively entered.
For Zues had meanwhile been busy with her thoughts, combining, after
her wont, this and that. And thus she had reached the conclusion that
in all likelihood the master combmaker would be willing to sell his
business outright on a cash basis, since he could not continue it
himself much longer. For that purpose Zues herself was ready to give up
her interest-bearing mortgage, which together with the slender savings
of Dietrich would doubtless suffice and thus they two would remain
victors and could laugh at the other two. This plan, together with
their intention to marry, they told the astonished master about, and
he, readily seeing that thus he could cheat his creditors and by
concluding the bargain quickly would also get possession of a
considerable sum of money to do with as he pleased, was glad of the
opportunity thus afforded him. Quickly, therefore, the two parties were
in agreement as to the terms, and before the sun went down Zues became
the lawful owner of the business and her promised husband the tenant of
the house in which the business was being conducted. Thus it was Zues,
without indeed having intended or suspected it in the morning, who was
tied down and conquered by the quickwitted Suabian.
Half dead with shame, exhaustion and anger, Jobst and Fridolin
meanwhile lay in the inn to which they had been taken when picked up
limp and spent in the open field. To separate the two rivals, thirsting
for each other's blood and maddened from the whole crazy adventure, had
been no light task. The whole of Seldwyla now, having in their peculiar
reckless way already forgotten the immediate cause of the whole
turmoil, was now celebrating and making a night of it. In many houses
there was dancing, and in the taverns there was much drinking and
singing and noise, just as on the greatest Seldwyla holidays. For the
people of Seldwyla never required much urging to enjoy themselves to
the top of their bent. When the two poor devils saw how their own
superior cunning with which they had counted on making a good haul had,
on the contrary, only served these careless people in all their folly
to make a feast of it, how they themselves had been the immediate cause
of their own downfall, and had made a laughingstock of themselves for
all the world, they thought their hearts would break. For they had
managed not only to defeat the wise and patient plans of so many years,
but had also lost forever the reputation of being shrewd men
themselves.
Jobst as the oldest of the three and having spent in Seldwyla full
seven years, was wholly overwhelmed and dazed by the collapse of all
his secret hopes, and quite unable to reconstruct a new world after
having lost the one of his dreams. Utterly dejected he left his
sleepless pillow before daybreak, wandered away from town and crept to
the very spot where the day before they and Zues had sat under the
linden tree, and there he hanged himself to one of the lowest branches.
When the Bavarian, but an hour later, passed there on his way into
strange parts, such a fit of fright seized him that he ran off like a
lunatic, altered completely his whole ways, and later on was heard to
have become a dissolute spendthrift, who never saved a penny, and who
was in the habit of cursing God and men, being no one's friend any
more.