A FOOTHOLD
The skies did not brighten for Haldane, and he remained perplexed and
despondent. When one wishes to reform, everything does not become lovely
in this unfriendly world. The first steps are usually the most
difficult, and the earliest experience the most disheartening. God never
designed that reform should be easy. As it is, people are too ready to
live the life which renders reform necessary. The ranks of the victims
of evil would be doubled did not a wholesome fear of the consequences
restrain.
Within a few short weeks the fortunes of the wealthy and self-confident
youth had altered so greatly that now he questioned whether the world
would give him bread, except on conditions that were painfully
repugnant.
There was his mother's offer, it is true; but had Mrs. Haldane
considered the nature of this offer, even she could scarcely have made
it. Suppose he tried to follow out his mother's plan, and went to a city
where he was unknown, could she expect an active young fellow to go to
an obscure boarding-house, and merely eat and sleep? By an inevitable
law the springing forces of his nature must find employment either in
good or evil. If he sought employment of any kind the question would at
once arise, "Who are you?" and sooner or later would come his history.
In his long, troubled reveries he thought of all this, and the prospect
of vegetating in dull obscurity at his mother's expense was as pleasant
as that of being buried alive.
Moreover, he could not endure to leave Hillaton in utter defeat. He was
prostrate, and felt the foot of adverse fate upon his neck, but he would
not acknowledge himself conquered. If he could regain his feet he would
renew the struggle; and he hoped in some way to do so. As yet, however,
the future was a wall of darkness.
Neither did he find any rest for his spiritual feet. For some reason he
could not grasp the idea of a personal God who cared enough for him to
give any practical help. In spite of all that Mrs. Arnot could say, his
heart remained as cold and heavy as a stone within his breast.
But to some extent he could appreciate the picture she had presented. He
saw one who, through weakness and folly, had fallen into the depths of
degradation, patiently and bravely fighting his way up to a true
manhood; and he had been made to feel that it was such a noble thing to
do that he longed to accomplish it. Whether he could or no he was not
sure, for his old confidence was all gone. But he daily grew more bent
on making an honest trial, and in this effort a certain native
persistency and unwillingness to yield would be of much help to him.
He was now willing, also, to receive any aid which self-respect
permitted him to accept, and was grateful for the copying obtained for
him by Mrs. Arnot. But she frankly told him that it would not last long.
The question what he should do next pressed heavily upon him.
As he was reading the paper to Mr. Growther one evening, his eye caught
an advertisement which stated that more hands were needed at a certain
factory in the suburbs. He felt sure that if he presented himself in the
morning with the others he would be refused, and he formed the bold
purpose of going at once to the manufacturer. Having found the stately
residence, he said to the servant who answered his summons:
"Will you say to Mr. Ivison that a person wishes to see him?"
The maid eyed him critically, and concluded, from his garb, to leave him
standing in the hall.
Mr. Ivison left his guests in the parlor and came out, annoyed at the
interruption.
"Well, what do you wish, sir?" he said, in a tone that was far from
being encouraging, at the same time gaining an unfavorable impression
from Haldane's dress.
"In the evening paper you advertised for more hands in your factory. I
wish employment."
"Are you drunk, or crazy, that you thus apply at my residence?" was the
harsh reply.
"Neither, sir; I--"
"You are very presuming, then."
"You would not employ me if I came in the morning."
"What do you mean? Who are you?"
"I am at least human. Can you give one or two moments to the
consideration of my case?"
"One might afford that much," said the gentleman with a half-apologetic
laugh; for the pale face and peculiar bearing of the stranger were
beginning to interest him.
"I do not ask more of your time, and will come directly to the point. My
name is Haldane, and, as far as I am concerned, you know nothing good
concerning me."
"You are correct," said Mr. Ivison coldly. "I shall not need your
services."
"Mr. Ivison," said Haldane in a tone that made the gentleman pause,
"ought I to be a thief and a vagabond?"
"Certainly not."
"Then why do you, and all who, like you, have honest work to give, leave
me no other alternative? I have acted wrongly and foolishly, but I wish
to do better. I do not ask a place of trust, only work with others,
under the eyes of others, where I could not rob you of a cent's worth if
I wished. In the hurry and routine of your office you would not listen
to me, so I come to-night and make this appeal. If you refuse it, and I
go to the devil, you will have a hand in the result."
The prompt business-man, whose mind had learned to work with the
rapidity of his machinery, looked at the troubled, half-desperate face a
moment, and then said emphatically:
"By Jove, you are right! I'll give you work. Come to-morrow. Good-night,
and good luck to your good intentions. But remember, no nonsense."
Here at last was a chance; here at last was regular employment. It was
one step forward. Would he be able to hold it? This seemed doubtful on
the morrow after he had realized the nature of his surroundings. He was
set to work in a large room full of men, boys, and slatternly-dressed
girls. He was both scolded and laughed at for the inevitable awkwardness
of a new beginner, and soon his name and history began to be whispered
about. During the noon recess a rude fellow flung the epithet of
"jail-bird" at him, and, of course, it stuck like a burr. Never in all
his life had he made such an effort at self-control as that which kept
his hands off this burly tormentor.
He both puzzled and annoyed his companions. They knew that he did not
belong to their class, and his bearing and manner made them unpleasantly
conscious of his superiority; and yet all believed themselves so much
more respectable than he, that they felt it was a wrong to them that he
should be there at all. Thus he was predestined to dislike and
ill-treatment. But that he could act as if he were deaf and blind to all
that they could do or say was more than they could understand. With knit
brows and firmly-closed lips he bent his whole mind to the mastery of
the mechanical duties required of him, and when they were over he strode
straight to his humble lodging-place.
Mr. Growther watched him curiously as he reacted into lassitude and
despondency after the strain and tension of the day.
"It's harder to stand than 'tis to git along with me, isn't it?"
"Yes, much harder."
"O thunder! better give it up, then, and try something else."
"No, it's my only chance."
"There's plenty other things to do."
"Not for me. These vulgar wretches I am working with think it an outrage
that a 'jail-bird,' as they call me, contaminates the foul air that they
breathe. I may be driven out by them; but," setting his teeth, "I won't
give up this foothold of my own accord."
"You might have been President if you had shown such grit before you got
down."
"That's not pleasant to think of now."
"I might 'a known that; but it's my mean way of comfortin' people.
A-a-h."
Haldane's new venture out into the world could scarcely have had a more
painful and prosaic beginning; but, as he said, he had gained a
"foothold."
There was one other encouraging fact, of which he did not know. Mr.
Ivison sent for the foreman of the room in which Haldane had been set at
work, and said:
"Give the young fellow a fair chance, and report to me from time to time
how he behaves; but say nothing of this to him. If he gets at his old
tricks, discharge him at once; but if he shows the right spirit, I wish
to know it."