Jim Startin was not loved at school;
We thought him rather knave than fool.
Migrating thence to Oxford, he
Failed to secure a pass degree.
Years sped--some twenty--ere again
Jim Startin swam into my ken.
I met him strolling down the Strand
Well-dressed, well-nourished, sleek and bland,
A high-class journalistic swell--
The Headline Expert of _The Yell_.
Great at the art, in peaceful days,
Of finding means our scalps to raise,
The War had since revealed in him
A super-Transatlantic vim,
And day by day his paper's bills
Gave us fresh epileptic thrills.
The sons of Belial, in the rhyme
Of DRYDEN, had a glorious time,
But never managed to attain
To Jim's success in giving pain.
But while his power was at its height
It perished in a single night;
For, with his bills by law abolished,
Jim's occupation was demolished;
Headlines that can't be blazed abroad
On bills and posters are a fraud;
They cease to titillate the mob
Or draw the pennies from its fob,
So Jim was "fired" and lost his job.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Lady (to coalheavers)._ "_SO_ SWEET OF YOU TO COME. I DO
HOPE YOU'LL COME AGAIN."]
* * * * *
"More to the west the British marked fresh progress south of
Achiet-le-Petit, where their lines were advanced on a front of 2
kilometres (1-1/4 miles). Finally the Germans fell back for the length
of 2 kilometres (5/8 mile) between Essarts and Gommecourt."--_The
Evening News._
The road home always seems shorter.
* * * * *
"The enemy went at the moment when he left because he was shelled
out."--_Daily Mail._
Of course he might have had a different motive if he had gone the moment
after he left.
* * * * *
"She was wearing a three-quarter red coat with glass buttons to match a
heavy blue skirt with low neck."
We never have approved of these _décolletés_ skirts.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _First Flapper._ "THE CHEEK OF THAT CONDUCTOR! HE GLARED AT
ME AS IF I HADN'T PAID ANY FARE."
_Second Flapper._ "AND WHAT DID YOU DO?"
_First Flapper._ "I JUST GLARED BACK AT HIM--AS IF I HAD!"]
* * * * *