Courtship according to Mr. Ruskin.
SCENE--_A Balcony outside the Musik-Saal of the Insel Hotel, Constance._
MISS PRENDERGAST _is seated;_ CULCHARD _is leaning against the railing
close by. It is about nine; the moon has risen, big and yellow, behind
the mountains at the further end of the Lake; small black boats are
shooting in and out of her track upon the water; the beat of the
steamers' paddles is heard as they come into harbour._ CULCHARD _has
just proposed._
MISS PRENDERGAST (_after a silence_). I have already felt very strongly
with Ruskin, that no girl should have the cruelty to refuse a
proposal----
CULCH. (_with alacrity_). Ruskin is always so right. And--er--where
there is such complete sympathy in tastes and ideas, as I venture to
think exists in our own case, the cruelty would----
MISS P. Pray allow me to finish! "Refuse a proposal _at once_" is
Ruskin's expression. He also says (if my memory does not betray me),
that "no lover should have the insolence to think of being accepted at
once." You will find the passage somewhere in _Fors_.
CULCH. (_whose jaw has visibly fallen_). I cannot say I recall it at
this moment. Does he hold that a lover should expect to be accepted
by--er--instalments, because, if so----
MISS P. I think I can quote his exact words. "If she simply doesn't like
him, she may send him away for seven years----"
CULCH. (_stiffly_). No doubt that course is open to her. But why seven,
and where is he expected to go?
MISS P. (_continuing calmly_). "He vowing to live on cresses and wear
sackcloth meanwhile, or the like penance."
CULCH. I feel bound to state at once that, in my own case, my position
at Somerset House would render anything of that sort utterly
impracticable.
MISS P. Wait, please,--you are so impetuous. "If she likes him a
little,"--(CULCHARD'S _brow relaxes_)--"or thinks she might come to like
him in time, she may let him stay near her,"--(CULCHARD _makes a
movement of relief and gratitude_)--"putting him always on sharp trial,
and requiring, figuratively, as many lion-skins or giants' heads as she
thinks herself worth."
CULCH. (_grimly_). "Figuratively" is a distinct concession on Ruskin's
part. Still, I should be glad to know----
MISS P. If you will have a little more patience, I will make myself
clear. I have always determined that when the--ah--occasion presented
itself, I would deal with it on Ruskinian principles. I propose in your
case--presuming of course that you are willing to be under vow for
me--to adopt a middle course.
CULCH. You are extremely good. And what precise form of--er--penance did
you think of?
MISS P. The trial I impose is, that you leave Constance to-morrow--with
Mr. Podbury.
CULCH. (_firmly_). If you expect me to travel for seven years with him,
permit me to mention that I simply cannot do it. My leave expires in
three weeks.
MISS P. I mentioned no term, I believe. Long before three weeks are over
we shall meet again, and I shall be able to see how you have borne the
test. I wish you to correct, if possible, a certain intolerance in your
attitude towards Mr. Podbury. Do you accept this probation, or not?
CULCH. I--ah--suppose I have no choice. But you really must allow me to
say that it is _not_ precisely the reception I anticipated. Still, in
your service, I am willing to endure even Podbury--for a strictly
limited period; that I _do_ stipulate for.
MISS P. That, as I have already said, is quite understood. Now go and
arrange with Mr. Podbury.
CULCH. (_to himself, as he retires_). It is _most_ unsatisfactory; but
at least Podbury is disposed of!
_The same Scene, a quarter of an hour later._ PODBURY _and_ MISS
PRENDERGAST.
PODB. (_with a very long face_). No, I _say_, though! Ruskin doesn't say
all that?
MISS P. I am not in the habit of misquoting. If you wish to verify the
quotation, however, I dare say I could find you the reference in _Fors
Clavigera_.
PODB. (_ruefully_). Thanks--I won't trouble you. Only it does seem
rather rough on fellows, don't you know. If every one went on his
plan--well, there wouldn't be many marriages! Still, I never thought
you'd say "Yes" right off. It's like my cheek, I know, to ask you at
all; you're so awfully clever and that. And if there's a chance for me,
I'm game for anything in the way of a trial. Don't make it stiffer than
you can help, that's all!
MISS P. All I ask of you is to leave me for a short time, and go and
travel with Mr. Culchard again.
PODB. Oh, I say, Miss Prendergast, you know. Make it something else.
_Do!_
MISS P. That is the task I require, and I can accept no other. It is
nothing, after all, but what you came out here to do.
PODB. I didn't know him _then_, you see. And what made me agree to come
away with him at all is beyond me. It was all Hughie Rose's doing--he
said we should get on together like blazes. So we have--_very_ like
blazes!
MISS P. Never mind that. Are you willing to accept the trial or not?
PODB. If you only knew what he's like when he's nasty, you'd let me
off--you would, really. But there, to please you, I'll do it. I'll stand
him as long as ever I can--'pon my honour I will. Only you'll make it up
to me afterwards, won't you now?
MISS P. I will make no promises--a true knight should expect no reward
for his service, Mr. Podbury.
PODB. (_blankly_). Shouldn't he? I'm a little new to the business, you
see, and it _does_ strike me----but never mind. When am I to trot him
off?
[Illustration: "IT DOES SEEM RATHER ROUGH ON FELLOWS, DON'T YOU KNOW."]
MISS P. As soon as you can induce him to go--to-morrow, if possible.
PODB. I don't believe he'll _go_, you know, for one thing!
MISS P. (_demurely_). I think you will find him open to persuasion. But
go and try, Mr. Podbury.
PODB. (_to himself, as he withdraws_). Well, I've let myself in for a
nice thing! Rummest way of treating a proposal _I_ ever heard of. I
should just like to tell that fellow Ruskin what I think of his precious
ideas. But there's _one_ thing, though--she can't care about Culchard,
or she wouldn't want him carted off like this.... Hooray, I never
thought of that before! Why, there he is, dodging about to find out how
_I've_ got on. I'll tackle him straight off.
[CULCHARD _and_ PODBURY _meet at the head of the staircase, and speak at
the same moment._
CULCH. Er--Podbury, it has occurred }
to me that we might----}
} leave this place to-morrow!
PODB. I say, Culchard, we really ought}
to----}
PODB. Hullo! we're both of one mind for once, eh? (_To himself._) Poor
old beggar! Got the sack! That explains a lot. Well, I won't tell him
anything about this business just now.
CULCH. So it appears. (_To himself._) Had his _quietus_, evidently. Ah,
well, I won't exult over him.
[_They go off together to consult a time-table._
MISS P. (_on the balcony musing_). Poor fellows! I couldn't very well
say anything more definite at present. By the time I see them again, I
may understand my own heart better. Really, it is rather an exciting
sensation, having two suitors under vow and doing penance at the same
time--and all for my sake! I hope, though, they won't mention it to one
another--or to Bob. Bob does not understand these things, and he
might----But after all, there are only _two_ of them. And Ruskin
distinctly says that every girl who is worth _anything_ ought always to
have half a dozen or so. Two is really _quite_ moderate.