A Dissolution of Partnership.
SCENE--_A Second-Class Compartment on the line between Wurzburg and
Nuremberg._ PODBURY _has been dull and depressed all day, not having
recovered from the parting with_ MISS TROTTER. CULCHARD, _on the
contrary, is almost ostentatiously cheerful._ PODBURY _is intensely
anxious to find out how far his spirits are genuine, but--partly from
shyness, and partly because some of their fellow travellers have been
English--he has hesitated to introduce the subject. At last, however,
they are alone, and he is determined to have it out on the very first
opportunity._
CULCHARD. Abominably slow train, this _Schnell-zug_. I hope we shall get
to Nuremberg before it's too dark to see the general effect.
PODBURY. We're not likely to be in time for _table d'hote_--not that
_I'm_ peckish. (_He sighs._) Wonder whereabouts the--the Trotters have
got to by now, eh?
[_He feels he is getting red, and hums the Garden Scene from_ "_Faust_."
CULCH. (_indifferently_). Oh, let me see--just arriving at St. Moritz, I
expect. Wonderful effect of colour, that is.
[_He indicates the West, where a bar of crimson is flaming between a
belt of firs._
Podb. (_absently_). Oh, wonderful!--where? (_Hums a snatch of a
waltz._) Dum-dum-diddle-um-tum-dum-dum-dum-ty-doodle; dum-dum--I say,
_you_ don't seem particularly cut up?
CULCH. Cut up? Why should I be cut up, my dear fellow?--about what?
[_Before_ PODBURY _can explain, two_ Talkative British Tourists _tumble
up into the compartment, and he has to control his curiosity once
more._
FIRST T. T. Well, I 'ope we're all right _now_, Sam, I'm sure--these
German jokers have chivied us about enough for one journey! (_To_
CULCHARD.) Not in your way, this 'at box, Sir? Don't give yer much space
in these foreign trains. (_They settle down and the train starts._)
Pretty bit o' country along 'ere!--puts me in mind o' the best part o'
Box 'Ill--and I can't say more for it than _that_!
[Illustration: "PUTS ME IN MIND O' THE BEST PART O' BOX 'ILL."]
SECOND T. T. (_a little man with a sandy fringe and boiled-looking
eyes_). What I notice about the country abroad is they don't seem to
'ave no _landmarks_.
FIRST T. T. (_with a dash of friendly contempt_). What d'yer mean--no
landmarks--_signposts_?
SECOND T. T. (_with dignity_). I mean to say, they don't 'ave nothing to
indicate which is Jack's property, and which is Joe's.
FIRST T. T. Go on--they've as much as what _we_ 'ave.
SECOND T. T. _'Ave_ they? We 'ave fences and 'edges. I don't see none
_'ere_. P'raps you'll point me _out_ one?
FIRST T. T. There's precious few 'edges or fences in the Isle o' Thanet,
as you'd know if you've ever been to Margit.
SECOND T. T. (_loftily_). I'm not talkin' about Margit now, I'm talkin'
of 'ere, and I'll trouble you to show me a landmark.
FIRST T. T. Depend on it they've their own ways of knowing which is
'oo's.
SECOND T. T. That's not what I'm _sayin'_. I'm sayin' there ain't
nothin' to _indicate_ it. [_They argue the point at length._
PODB. (_to_ CULCHARD). Then you really aren't cut up--about Miss T. you
know?
CULCH. (_with the reserve of a man who only wants to be pressed_). There
is no reason that I'm aware of, why I should be--but (_lowering his
voice_) don't you think we had better wait till we are alone to discuss
that subject?
PODB. Oh, all right. I'm not partic--at least. Well, I'm glad you
_aren't_, you know, that's all.
[_He becomes silent again--but his face brightens visibly._
FIRST T. T. (_to Second Do._). See that field there? That's tobacco,
_that_ is.
SECOND T. T. What they make their penny smokes of. (_The train enters a
station._) What funny engines they do 'ave 'ere! I expect the guard 'll
be wanting to see our _billyetts_ again next. It's as bad as it used to
be with the passports. I've 'eard--mind yer, I don't know 'ow much
likeli'ood there is in the assertion--that they're going to bring 'em in
again. Most intricate they were about them. (_To_ CULCHARD). Why, if
you'll believe me, a friend o' mine as 'ad one--well, they got 'is
description down to a ioter? He'd a cast in 'is eye,--they put it down,
and a pimple you'd 'ardly notice--but down _that_ went!
FIRST T. T. It's no use 'aving such things if they don't do it
thoroughly.
SECOND T. T. (_irrelevantly_). I wish I 'adn't 'ad that glass o' peach
wine where we changed last. (_A_ Guard _appears at the window, and makes
some guttural comments on the couple's tickets._) Wechseln? Why, that
means _wash_, don't it? I'm as clean as _him_, anyway. "Anshteigen,"--ah,
I ought to know what _that_ means by this time! Sam, my boy, we're
bundled out again. I _told_ yer 'ow it would be!
[_They tumble out, and the carriage is presently filled by an assortment
of Germans, including a lively and sociable little Cripple with a new
drinking-mug which he has just had filled with lager, and a Lady with
pale hair and sentimental blue eyes._
PODB. We can talk all right _now_, eh? _They_ won't understand. Look
here, old fellow, I don't mind owning _I'm_ rather down in the mouth
about----you know what. I shouldn't care so much if there was any chance
of our coming across them again.
CULCH. (_cordially_). I am very glad to hear you say so. I was rather
afraid you had taken a dislike--er--in that quarter.
PODB. I?--is it _likely_! I--I admire her awfully, you know, only she
rather seemed to snub me lately.
CULCH. (_with patronising reassurance_). Quite a mistake on your part, I
assure you, my dear fellow. I am sure she will learn to appreciate
you--er--fully when you meet again, which, I may tell you, will be at no
very distant date. I happen to know that she will be at the Italian
Lakes next month, and so shall we, if you let me manage this tour my own
way.
PODB. (_with surprise and gratitude_). I say, old boy, I'd no notion you
were such a nailing good chap? Nein, danky. (_To the little Cripple, who
is cheerily inviting him, in pantomime, to drink from his mug._ ) Cheeky
little beggar. But do you really think anything will--er--come of it, if
we do meet her again--_do_ you now?
CULCH. I--ah--have the best reasons for feeling tolerably certain of it.
[_He looks out of window and smiles._
PODB. But that cousin of hers--Charley, you know--how about _him_?
CULCH. I put that to her, and there is nothing in it. In fact, she
practically admitted--(_He glances round and lowers his voice._) I will
tell you another time. That lady over there is looking at us, and I'm
almost certain----
PODB. What if she is, she don't understand a word we're saying. I want
to hear all about Her, you know.
CULCH. My dear Podbury, we shall have ample time to talk about her while
we are at Nuremberg together--it will be the greatest pleasure to me to
do so as long as you please.
PODB. Thanks, old chap! I'd no idea you were doing all this, you know.
But just tell me this, what did she _say_ about me?
CULCH. (_mystified_). About you? I really don't recollect that she
mentioned _you_ particularly.
PODB. (_puzzled_). But I thought you said you'd been speaking up for me!
What _did_ you talk about then?
CULCH. Well, about myself--naturally.
[_He settles his collar with a vague satisfaction._
PODB. (_blankly_). Oh! Then you haven't been arranging to meet her again
on _my_ account?
CULCH. Good Heavens, no--what a very grotesque idea of yours, my dear
fellow! [_He laughs gently._
PODB. Is it? You always gave out that she wasn't your style at all, and
you only regarded her as a "study," and rot like that. How could _I_
tell you would go and cut me out?
CULCH. I don't deny that she occasionally--er--jarred. She is a little
deficient in surface refinement--but that will come, that will come. And
as to "cutting you out," why, you must allow you never had the
remotest----
PODB. I don't allow anything of the sort. She liked me well enough
till--till you came in and set her against me, and you may think it
friendly if you like, but I call it shabby--confoundedly shabby.
CULCH. Don't talk so loud, I'm sure I saw that woman smile!
PODB. She may smile her head off for all I care. (_The train stops;_
_the Cripple and all but the_ Pale-haired Lady _get out._) Here we are
at Nuremberg. What hotel did you say you are going to?
CULCH. The Bayrischer-Hof. Why?
[_He gets his coat and stick, &c., out of the rack._
PODB. Because I shall go to some other, that's all.
CULCH. (_in dismay_). My dear Podbury, this is really too childish!
There's no sense in travelling together, if we're going to stay at
different hotels!
PODB. I'm not sure I shall go any further. Anyway, while I _am_ here, I
prefer to keep to myself.
CULCH. (_with a displeased laugh_). Just as you please. It's a matter of
perfect indifference to _me_. I'm afraid you'll be terribly bored by
yourself, though.
PODB. That's _my_ look out. It can't be worse than going about with you
and listening while you crow and drivel about _her_, that's one comfort!
[_The_ Pale-haired Lady _coughs in a suspicious manner._
CULCH. You don't even know if there _is_ another hotel.
PODB. I don't care. I can find a pot-house somewhere, I daresay.
THE PALE-HAIRED LADY (_in excellent English, to_ PODBURY _as he passes
out_). Pardon me, you will find close to the Bahnhof a very goot
hotel--the Wurtemburger.
[PODBURY _thanks her and alights in some confusion; the_ Lady _sinks
back, smiling._
CULCH. (_annoyed_). She must have understood every word we said! Are you
in earnest over this? (PODBURY _nods grimly._) Well, you'll soon get
tired of your own society, I warn you.
PODB. Thanks, we shall see.
[_He saunters off with his bag;_ CULCHARD _shrugs his shoulders, and
goes in search of the Bayrischer-Hof Porter, to whom he entrusts his
luggage tickets, and takes his seat in the omnibus alone._