For they really were stupid! Looking on, we can see so plainly what
they should have seen, and didn't.
If thoughts are things (and Professor Spence continues to argue that
they are) a mistaken thought is quite as powerful a reality as the
other kind. Only let it be conceived with sufficient force and
nourished by continual attention and it will grow into a veritable
highwayman of the mind--a thievish tyrant of one's mental roads,
holding their more legitimate travellers at the stand and deliver.
Desire, usually so clearsighted, ought to have seen that the attentions
of Benis to the too-sympathetic Mary were hollow at the core. But this,
her mistaken Thought would by no means allow. Ceaselessly on the watch,
it leapt upon every unprejudiced deduction and turned it to the
strengthening of its own mistaken self. What might have seemed merely
boredom on the professor's part was twisted by the Thought to appear an
anguished effort after self-control. Any avoidance of Mary's society
was attributed to fear rather than to indifference. And so on and so on.
Spence, too, a man learned in the byways of the mind, ought to have
known that, to Desire, John was a refuge merely, and Mary the real lion
in the way. But his mistaken Thought, born of a smile and a photograph,
grew steadily stronger and waxed fat upon the everyday trivialities
which should have slain it. So powerful had it become that, by the time
of Desire's arrival on the veranda, it had closed every road of
interpretation save its own.
Nor was John in more reasonable case. His mistaken Thought was
different in action but equally successful in effect. Born of an
insistent desire, and nursed by half fearful hope, it stood a beggar at
the door of life, snatching from every passing circumstance the crumbs
by which it lived. Did Desire smile--how eagerly John's famished
Thought would claim it for his own. Did she frown--how quick it was to
find some foreign cause for frowning. And, as Desire woke to love under
his eyes, how ceaselessly it worked to add belief to hope. How
plausibly it reasoned, how cleverly it justified! That Spence loved his
wife, the Thought would not accept as possible. All John's actual
knowledge of the depth and steadfastness of his friend's nature was
pooh-poohed or ignored. Benis, dear old chap, cared nothing for women.
Hadn't he always shunned them in his quiet way? And hadn't he, John,
warned Benis, anyway? The Thought insisted upon the warning with
virtuous emphasis. It pointed out that Benis had laughed at the
warning. Even if--but we need not follow John's excursions further.
They all led through devious ways to the old, old justification of
everything in love and war.
As time went on, the thing which fed the mistaken thoughts of both
Benis and John was the change in Desire herself. That she was
increasingly unhappy was evident to both. And why should she be
unhappy--unless?
To John Rogers, that summer remained the most distracting summer of his
life. Desire should have seen this--would have seen it had her
mind-roads not been closed by their own obsession. The probability is
that she did not consciously think of John at all. He was there and he
was kind. She saw nothing farther than that.
The relationship between the two men remained apparently the same and
indeed it is likely that, in the main, their conception one of the
other did not change. To Benis, John's virtues were still as real and
admirable as ever. To John, Benis was still a bit of a mystery and a
bit of a hero>. (There were war stories which John knew but had never
dared to tell, lest vengeance befall him.) But, these basic things
aside, there were new points of view. Seen as a possible mate for
Desire, Benis found John most lamentably lacking. Seen in the same
light, Benis to John was undesirable in the extreme. "If it could only
be someone more subtle than John," thought Benis. And, "If only old
Benis were a bit more stable," thought John. Both were insincere, since
no possible combination of qualities would have satisfied either.
Of this fatally misled quartette, Mary Davis was perhaps the one most
open to reason. And yet not altogether so, for the thought of Benis
Spence as eternally escaped was not a welcome one. She realized now
that she might have liked the elusive professor more than a little.
They would have been, she thought, admirably suited. At the worst,
neither would have bored the other. And the Spence home was quite
possible--as a home for part of the year at least. It was certainly
annoying that fate should have cut in so unexpectedly. And for what?
Apparently for nothing but that a girl with grey, enigmatic eyes and
close-shut lips should keep from Mary a position which she did not want
herself. For Mary, captive of her Thought, was more than ready to
believe that Desire's hidden preference was for John. She naturally
could not grant her rival a share of her own discriminating taste in
loving.
"I suppose," thought Mary, "it is her immaturity which makes her prefer
the doctor person to one who so far outranks him. She admires sleek
hair and a straight nose. The finer fascinations of Benis escape her."
Meanwhile she stayed on.
"I know I should come home," she wrote the most select of the select
friends. "And I know dear Miss Campion thinks so! But the situation
here is too absorbing. And, as my invitation was indefinite, I can
hardly be accused of outstaying it. I can't be supposed to know that
I'm not wanted. I justify myself by the knowledge that I am of some use
to Benis. You know I can interest most men when I try, and this time my
'heart is in it'--like Sentimental Tommy. I am even teaching a
perfectly dear parrot they have here to sing, 'Oh, What a Pal was
Mary.' Will you run over to my rooms and send down that London smoke
chiffon frock with the silver underslip? Stockings and slippers to
match in a box in the bottom drawer. I am contemplating a moon-light
mood and must have the accessories. One loses half the effect if one
does not dress the part. Madam Enigma never dresses in character.
Because she never assumes one. So dull to be always just oneself, don't
you think? Even if one knew what one's real self is, which I am sure I
do not.
"This girl annoys me. How she can be so simple and yet so complex I
can't understand. I thought perhaps a dash of jealousy might be
revealing. But she hasn't turned a hair. I have my emotions pretty well
in hand myself but even if I didn't adore my husband, I'd see that no
one else appropriated him. But as far as Madam Coolness is concerned it
looks as if I might put her husband in my pocket and keep him there
indefinitely.
"I told you in my last about the good-looking doctor. What she sees in
him puzzles me. He is handsome but as dull as all the proverbs. Can't
be original even in his love affairs--otherwise he would hardly select
his best friend's bride--so bookish! Why doesn't someone fall in love
with the wife of his enemy? It seems to have gone out since Romeo's
time. (Now don't write and tell me that Juliet wasn't married.)
"Another thing which I find odd, is the attitude of Benis himself. He
is quite alive, painfully so, to the drift of the thing. Yet he does
nothing. And this is not in keeping with his character. He is the type
of man who, in spite of an unassertive manner, holds what he has with
no uncertain grasp. Why, then, does he let this one thing go? The
logical deduction is that he knows that he never had it. All of which,
being interpreted, means that things may happen here through the sheer
inertia of other things. Almost every day I think, 'Something ought to
be done.' But I know I shall never do it. I am not the novelist's
villainess who arranges a compromising situation and produces the
surprised husband from behind a door. Neither am I a peacemaker or an
altruist. I am not selfish enough in one way nor un-selfish enough in
another. (Probably that is why life has lost interest in my special
case.) Even my emotions are hopelessly mixed. There are times when I
find myself viciously hoping that Madam Composure will go the limit and
that right quickly. And there are other times when I feel I should like
to choke her into a proper realization of what she is risking. Not for
her sake--I'm far too feminine for that--but because I hate to see her
play with this man (whom I like myself) and get away with it."
It is worth while remembering the closing sentences of this letter.
They explain, or partially explain, a certain future action on the part
of the writer, which might otherwise seem out of keeping with her well
defined attitude of "Mary first."