The joys of parents are secret, and so are their griefs and fears;
they cannot utter the one, nor they will not utter the other. Children
sweeten labors, but they make misfortunes more bitter; they increase
the cares of life, but they mitigate the remembrance of death. The
perpetuity by generation is common to beasts; but memory, merit, and
noble works, are proper to men: and surely a man shall see the noblest
works and foundations have proceeded from childless men, which have
sought to express the images of their minds where those of their bodies
have failed; so the care of posterity is most in them that have no
posterity. They that are the first raisers of their houses are most
indulgent towards their children, beholding them as the continuance,
not only of their kind, but of their work; and so both children and
creatures.
The difference in affection of parents towards their several children
is many times unequal, and sometimes unworthy, especially in the
mother; as Solomon saith, “A wise son rejoiceth the father, but an
ungracious son shames the mother.”[101] A man shall see, where there
is a house full of children, one or two of the eldest respected, and
the youngest made wantons;[102] but in the midst some that are, as
it were, forgotten, who many times, nevertheless, prove the best.
The illiberality of parents, in allowance towards their children, is
a harmful error, makes them base, acquaints them with shifts, makes
them sort with mean company, and makes them surfeit more when they
come to plenty; and, therefore, the proof[103] is best when men keep
their authority towards their children, but not their purse. Men have
a foolish manner (both parents, and schoolmasters, and servants), in
creating and breeding an emulation between brothers during childhood,
which many times sorteth[104] to discord when they are men, and
disturbeth families.[105] The Italians make little difference between
children and nephews, or near kinsfolk; but so they be of the lump,
they care not, though they pass not through their own body; and, to
say truth, in nature it is much a like matter; insomuch that we see a
nephew sometimes resembleth an uncle or a kinsman more than his own
parent, as the blood happens. Let parents choose betimes the vocations
and courses they mean their children should take, for then they are
most flexible; and let them not too much apply themselves to the
disposition of their children, as thinking they will take best to that
which they have most mind to. It is true, that if the affection or
aptness of the children be extraordinary, then it is good not to cross
it; but generally the precept is good, “Optimum elige, suave et facile
illud faciet consuetudo.”[106]—Younger brothers are commonly fortunate,
but seldom or never where the elder are disinherited.