_By_ PROFESSOR AQUARIUS BRICK
We were present when the accomplished Professor Brick recently delivered
a series of lectures on yachting, which were very well attended. By his
kind permission, we have preserved bits of the discourses here and
there. We extract, _à discrétion_:--
"I come now," went on the Professor, "to your most important
yachters--your genuine swells. Their cutters are in every harbour; you
trace their wake by empty champagne bottles on every sea. To such dandy
sea-kings I would now say one word.
"About your choice of cruising ground you cannot have much difficulty.
The Mediterranean is your proper spot. It is true that we will not
tolerate its being made a French lake--its proper vocation is that of
English pond!
"I would advise you all to be very particular in not letting your
'skipper' have too much authority. Remember always, that _you are the
owner_--high-spirited gentlemen do. Surely a man may sail his own yacht,
if anybody may! It is as much his property as his horse is. To be sure,
when the weather is very bad, I would let the fellow take charge then.
There is a very odd difference between the Bay of Biscay and the water
inside the Isle of Wight, when it blows. And a skipper _too much
snubbed_ gets rusty at awkward times.
"Your conduct in harbour will be regulated by circumstances--which
means, dinners. Generally speaking, the fact of having a yacht will
carry you everywhere. As every aëronaut is 'intrepid' by courtesy, so
every yachtsman is a 'fashionable arrival.' This great truth is scarcely
enough appreciated in England. I have known very worthy men spend in
trying to get into great society in London, sums which, judiciously
invested _in a yacht_, would have taken them to dozens of great people's
houses abroad. You will get asked to dinner; you will be feasted well,
generally. Anything in the way of excitement--particularly good, rich,
hospitable excitement--is heartily welcome in our colonial settlements
and stations.
"But I am not now speaking only to those who yacht, because to have a
yacht is a fine thing. I recognise also an imperial class of
yachtsmen--the swans of the flock of geese. I have seen a coronet on a
binnacle, before now. I have seen a large stately schooner sail into a
Mediterranean port--as into a drawing-room--splendid and serene. The
harbour-master's boat is on the alert these mornings. The men-of-war
send their boats to tow; the dandiest lieutenant goes in the barge; the
senior captain offers his services. When such a yacht as that goes into
the Golden Horn, the Sultan is shown to these yachters--like any
curiosity in his capital--like any odd thing in his town! They are
presented to him, as it is called, that _he_ may be looked at.
"To this magnificent class I have not much to say. They don't snub their
skipper--they are far too fine to do that. They are scarcely distinctive
as travellers, for they are the same abroad as at home. In them, England
is represented. England floats in a lump through the sea, like Delos
used to do. As they say and do just the same as they have always said
and done at home--see and mix with the same kind of people--I often
wonder what they learn by it. When they go to visit Thermopylæ or
Marathon, it is with a lot of tents, donkeys, camp-stools,
travelling-cases, guides, and servants--such as Xerxes might have had.
They encumber the ruins of temples with the multitude of their baggage.
The position seems so unnatural, that I can't fancy their getting any
moral or intellectual profit from it. They are too well off for
that--like a fellow who cannot see for fat. Depend on it, you cannot see
much through a painted window, however fine it is."
Professor Brick concluded his first sketch amidst much applause.
* * * * *
[Illustration: HOW VERY THOUGHTFUL
_Old Lady._ "Are you not afraid of getting drown'd when you have the
boat so full?"
_Boatman._ "Oh, dear, no, mum. I always wears a life-belt, so I'm safe
enough."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: STANCH!
_Complaisant Uncle_ (_who has remembered his nephew in his will, and is
up to his ankles in water_). "I say, John, do you know your boat leaks?"
_Nephew_ (_high and dry on the thwarts_). "Like old boots!"
_Uncle._ "But I---- What's to be done?"
_Nephew._ "Wait till she fills, and then put on a spurt for the
shore!!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: MASTER JOHN BULL IN TROUBLE (1851)
_Mr. Punch._ "Why, Johnny, what's the matter?"
_Johnny._ "If you please, sir, there's a nasty ugly American been
beating me."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SERVING HIM OUT
_Mrs. T._ (_to T._) "Feel a little more comfortable, dear? Can I get
anything else for you? Would you like your cigar case now? (_Aside._)
I'll teach him to go out to Greenwich and Richmond without me, and sit
up half the night at his club!"]
* * * * *