(_A Confidential Carol, by a Cockney Owner, who inwardly feels that he
is not exactly "in it," after all_)
What makes me deem I'm of Viking blood
(Though a wee bit queer when the pace grows hot),
A briny slip of the British brood?
My Yot!
What makes me rig me in curious guise?
Like a kind of a sort of--I don't know what,
And talk sea-slang, to the world's surprise?
My Yot!
What makes me settle my innermost soul
On winning a purposeless silver pot,
And walk with a (very much) nautical roll?
My Yot!
What makes me learned in cutters and yawls,
And time-allowance--which others must tot--,
And awfully nervous in sudden squalls?
My Yot!
What makes me sprawl on the deck all day,
And at night play "Nap" till I lose a lot,
And grub in a catch-who-can sort of a way?
My Yot!
What makes me qualmish, timorous, pale,
(Though rather than own it I'd just be shot)
When the _Fay_ in the wave-crests dips her sail?
My Yot!
What makes me "patter" to skipper and crew
In a kibosh style that a child might spot,
And tug hard ropes till my knuckles go blue?
My Yot!
What makes me snooze in a narrow, close bunk,
Till the cramp my limbs doth twist and knot,
And brave discomfort, and face blue-funk?
My Yot!
What makes me gammon my chummiest friends
To "try the fun"--which I know's all rot--
And earn the dead-cut in which all this ends?
My Yot!
What makes me, in short, an egregious ass,
A bore, a butt, who, not caring a jot
For the sea, as a sea-king am seeking to pass?
My Yot!
* * * * *
AT WHITBY.--_Visitor_ (_to Ancient Mariner, who has been relating his
experiences to crowd of admirers_). "Then do you mean to tell us that
you actually reached the North Pole?"
_Ancient Mariner._ "No, sir; that would be a perwersion of the truth.
But I seed it a-stickin' up among the ice just as plain as you can this
spar, which I plants in the sand. It makes me thirsty to think of that
marvellous sight, we being as it were parched wi' cold."
[_A. M.'s distress promptly relieved by audience._
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE DANGERS OF HENLEY
_Voice from the bridge above._ "Oh, lor, Sarah, I've bin and dropped the
strawberries and cream!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _His Fair Companion_ (_drowsily_). "I think a Canadian is
the best river craft, after all, as it's less like _work_ than the
others!"]
* * * * *