Mr Chucks's opinion on proper names--He finishes his Spanish tale--March
of intellect among the Warrant Officers.
We were all delighted when our signal was hoisted to "part company," as
we anticipated plenty of prize-money under such an enterprising captain.
We steered for the French coast, near to its junction with Spain, the
captain having orders to intercept any convoys sent to supply the French
army with stores and provisions.
The day after we parted company with the fleet, Mr Chucks finished his
story.
"Where was I, Mr Simple, when I left off?" said he, as we took a seat
upon the long eighteen.
"You had just left the house after having told them that you were a
corregidor, and had kissed the lady's hand."
"Very true. Well, Mr Simple, I did not call there for two or three days
afterwards; I did not like to go too soon, especially as I saw the young
lady every day in the Plaza. She would not speak to me, but, to make use
of their expression, 'she gave me her eyes,' and sometimes a sweet
smile. I recollect I was so busy looking at her one day, that I tripped
over my sword, and nearly fell on my nose, at which she burst out a
laughing."
"Your sword, Mr Chucks? I thought boatswains never wore swords."
"Mr Simple, a boatswain is an officer, and is entitled to a sword as
well as the captain, although we have been laughed out of it by a set of
midshipman monkeys. I always wore my sword at that time; but now-a-days,
a boatswain is counted as nobody, unless there is hard work to do, and
then it's Mr Chucks this, and Mr Chucks that. But I'll explain to you
how it is, Mr Simple, that we boatswains have lost so much of
consequence and dignity. The first lieutenants are made to do the
boatswain's duty now-a-days, and if they could only wind the call, they
might scratch the boatswain's name off half the ships' books in his
Majesty's service. But to go on with my yarn. On the fourth day, I
called with my handkerchief full of segars for the father, but he was at
siesta, as they called it. The old serving-woman would not let me in at
first; but I shoved a dollar between her skinny old fingers, and that
altered her note. She put her old head out, and looked round to see if
there was anybody in the street to watch us, and then she let me in and
shut the door. I walked into the room, and found myself alone with
Seraphina."
"Seraphina!--what a fine name!"
"No name can be too fine for a pretty girl, or a good frigate, Mr
Simple; for my part, I'm very fond of these hard names. Your Bess, and
Poll, and Sue, do very well for the Point, or Castle Rag; but in my
opinion, they degrade a lady. Don't you observe, Mr Simple, that all our
gun-brigs, a sort of vessel that will certainly d----n the inventor to
all eternity, have nothing but low common names, such as Pincher,
Thrasher, Boxer, Badger, and all that sort, which are quite good enough
for them; whereas all our dashing saucy frigates have names as long as
the main-top bowling, and hard enough to break your jaw--such as
Melpomeny, Terpsichory, Arethusy, Bacchanty--fine flourishers, as long
as their pennants which dip alongside in a calm."
"Very true," replied I; "but do you think, then, it is the same with
family names?"
"Most certainly, Mr Simple. When I was in good society, I rarely fell in
with such names as Potts or Bell, or Smith or Hodges; it was always Mr
Fortescue, or Mr Fitzgerald, or Mr Fitzherbert--seldom bowed, sir, to
anything under _three_ syllables."
"Then I presume, Mr Chucks, you are not fond of your own name?"
"There you touch me, Mr Simple; but it is quite good enough for a
boatswain," replied Mr Chucks, with a sigh. "I certainly did very wrong
to impose upon people as I did, but I've been severely punished for it--
it has made me discontented and unhappy ever since. Dearly have I paid
for my spree; for there is nothing so miserable as to have ideas above
your station in life, Mr Simple. But I must make sail again. I was three
hours with Seraphina before her father came home, and during that time I
never was quietly at an anchor for above a minute. I was on my knees,
vowing and swearing, kissing her feet and kissing her hand, till at last
I got to her lips, working my way up as regularly as one who gets in at
the hawsehole and crawls aft to the cabin windows. She was very kind,
and she smiled, and sighed, and pushed me off, and squeezed my hand, and
was angry--frowning till I was in despair, and then making me happy
again with her melting dark eyes beaming kindly, till at last she said
that she would try to love me, and asked me whether I would marry her
and live in Spain. I replied that I would; and, indeed, I felt as if I
could, only at the time the thought occurred to me where the rhino was
to come from, for I could not live, as her father did, upon a paper
segar and a piece of melon per day. At all events, as far as words went,
it was a settled thing. When her father came home, the old servant told
him that I had just at that moment arrived, and that, his daughter was
in her own room; so she was, for she ran away as soon as she heard her
father knock. I made my bow to the old gentleman, and gave him the
segars. He was serious at first, but the sight of them put him into good
humour, and in a few minutes Donna Seraphina (they call a lady a Donna
in Spain) came in, saluting me ceremoniously, as if we had not been
kissing for the hour together. I did not remain long, as it was getting
late, so I took a glass of the old gentleman's sour wine, and walked
off, with a request from him to call again, the young lady paying me
little or no attention during the time that I remained, or at my
departure."
"Well, Mr Chucks," observed I, "it appears to me that she was a very
deceitful young person."
"So she was, Mr Simple; but a man in love can't see, and I'll tell you
why. If he wins the lady, he is as much in love with himself as with
her, because he is so proud of his conquest. That was my case. If I had
had my eyes, I might have seen that she who could cheat her old father
for a mere stranger, would certainly deceive him in his turn. But if
love makes a man blind, vanity, Mr Simple, makes him blinder. In short,
I was an ass."
"Never mind, Mr Chucks, there was a good excuse for it."
"Well, Mr Simple, I met her again and again, until I was madly in love,
and the father appeared to be aware of what was going on, and to have no
objection. However, he sent for a priest to talk with me, and I again
said that I was a good Catholic. I told him that I was in love with the
young lady, and would marry her. The father made no objection on my
promising to remain in Spain, for he would not part with his only
daughter. And there again I was guilty of deceit, first, in making a
promise I did not intend to keep, and then in pretending that I was a
Catholic. Honesty is the best policy, Mr Simple, in the long run, you
may depend upon it."
"So my father has always told me, and I have believed him," replied I.
"Well, sir, I am ashamed to say that I did worse; for the priest, after
the thing was settled, asked me whether I had confessed lately. I knew
what he meant, and answered that I had not. He motioned me down on my
knees; but, as I could not speak Spanish enough for that, I
mumbled-jumbled something or another, half Spanish and half English, and
ended with putting four dollars in his hand for _carita_, which means
charity. He was satisfied at the end of my confession, whatever he might
have been at the beginning, and gave me absolution, although he could
not have understood what my crimes were; but four dollars, Mr Simple,
will pay for a deal of crime in that country. And now, sir, comes the
winding up of this business. Seraphina told me that she was going to the
opera with some of her relations, and asked me if I would be there; that
the captain of the frigate, and all the other officers were going, and
that she wished me to go with her. You see, Mr Simple, although
Seraphina's father was so poor, that a mouse would have starved in his
house, still he was of good family, and connected with those who were
much better off. He was a Don himself, and had fourteen or fifteen long
names, which I forget now. I refused to go with her, as I knew that the
service would not permit a boatswain to sit in an opera-box, when the
captain and first lieutenant were there. I told her that I had promised
to go on board and look after the men while the captain went on shore;
thus, as you'll see, Mr Simple, making myself a man of consequence, only
to be more mortified in the end. After she had gone to the opera, I was
very uncomfortable: I was afraid that the captain would see her, and
take a fancy to her. I walked up and down, outside, until I was so full
of love and jealousy that I determined to go into the pit and see what
she was about. I soon discovered her in a box, with some other ladies,
and with them were my captain and first lieutenant. The captain, who
spoke the language well, was leaning over her, talking and laughing, and
she was smiling at what he said. I resolved to leave immediately, lest
she should see me and discover that I had told her a falsehood; but they
appeared so intimate that I became so jealous I could not quit the
theatre. At last she perceived me, and beckoned her hand; I looked very
angry, and left the theatre cursing like a madman. It appeared that she
pointed me out to the captain, and asked him who I was; he told her my
real situation on board, and spoke of me with contempt. She asked
whether I was not a man of family; at this the captain and first
lieutenant both burst out laughing, and said that I was a common sailor
who had been promoted to a higher rank for good behaviour--not exactly
an officer, and anything but a gentleman. In short, Mr Simple, I was
_blown upon_, and, although the captain said more than was correct, as
I learnt afterwards through the officers, still I deserved it.
Determined to know the worst, I remained outside till the opera was
over, when I saw her come out, the captain and first lieutenant walking
with the party--so that I could not speak with her. I walked to a posada
(that's an inn), and drank seven bottles of rosolio to keep myself
quiet; then I went on board, and the second lieutenant, who was
commanding officer, put me under arrest for being intoxicated. It was a
week before I was released; and you can't imagine what I suffered, Mr
Simple. At last, I obtained leave to go on shore, and I went to the
house to decide my fate. The old woman opened the door, and then calling
me a thief, slammed it in my face; as I retreated, Donna Seraphina came
to the window, and, waving her hand with a contemptuous look, said, 'Go,
and God be with you, Mr Gentleman.' I returned on board in such a rage,
that if I could have persuaded the gunner to have given me a ball
cartridge, I should have shot myself through the head. What made the
matter worse, I was laughed at by everybody in the ship, for the captain
and first lieutenant had made the story public."
"Well, Mr Chucks," replied I, "I cannot help being sorry for you,
although you certainly deserved to be punished for your dishonesty. Was
that the end of the affair?"
"As far as I was concerned it was, Mr Simple; but not as respected
others. The captain took my place, but without the knowledge of the
father. After all, they neither had great reason to rejoice at the
exchange."
"How so, Mr Chucks--what do you mean?"
"Why, Mr Simple, the captain did not make an honest woman of her, as I
would have done; and the father discovered what was going on, and one
night the captain was brought on board run through the body. We sailed
immediately for Gibraltar, and it was a long while before he got round
again: and then he had another misfortune."
"What was that?"
"Why he lost his boatswain, Mr Simple; for I could not bear the sight of
him--and then he lost (as you must know, not from your own knowledge,
but from that of others) a boatswain who knows his duty."
"Every one says so, Mr Chucks. I'm sure that our captain would be very
sorry to part with you."
"I trust that every captain has been with whom I've sailed, Mr Simple.
But that was not all he lost, Mr Simple; for the next cruise he lost his
masts; and the loss of his masts occasioned the loss of his ship, since
which he has never been trusted with another, but is laid on the shelf.
Now he never carried away a spar of any consequence during the whole
time that I was with him. A mast itself is nothing, Mr Simple--only a
piece of wood--but fit your rigging properly, and then a mast is strong
as a rock. Only ask Mr Faulkner, and he'll tell you the same; and I
never met an officer who knew better how to support a mast."
"Did you ever hear any more of the young lady?"
"Yes; about a year afterwards I returned there in another ship. She had
been shut up in a convent, and forced to take the veil. Oh, Mr Simple!
if you knew how I loved that girl! I have never been more than polite to
a woman since, and shall die a bachelor. You can't think how I was
capsized the other day, when I looked at the house; I have hardly
touched beef or pork since, and am in debt two quarts of rum more than
my allowance. But, Mr Simple, I have told you this in confidence, and I
trust you are too much of a gentleman to repeat it; for I cannot bear
quizzing from young midshipmen."
I promised that I would not mention it, and I kept my word; but
circumstances which the reader will learn in the sequel have freed me
from the condition. Nobody can quiz him now.
We gained our station off the coast of Perpignan; and as soon as we made
the land, we were most provokingly driven off by a severe gale. I am not
about to make any remarks about the gale, for one storm is so like
another; but I mention it, to account for a conversation which took
place, and with which I was very much amused. I was near to the captain
when he sent for Mr Muddle, the carpenter, who had been up to examine
the main-topsail yard, which had been reported as sprung.
"Well, Mr Muddle," said the captain.
"Sprung, sir, most decidedly; but I think we'll be able to _mitigate_
it."
"Will you be able to secure it for the present, Mr Muddle?" replied the
captain, rather sharply.
"We'll _mitigate_ it, sir, in half an hour."
"I wish that you would use common phrases when you speak to me, Mr
Muddle. I presume, by mitigate, you mean to say that you can secure it.
Do you mean so, sir, or do you not?"
"Yes, sir, that is what I mean, most decidedly. I hope no offence,
Captain Savage; but I did not intend to displease you by my language."
"Very good, Mr Muddle," replied the captain; "it's the first time that I
have spoken to you on the subject, recollect that it will be the last."
"The first time!" replied the carpenter, who could not forget his
philosophy; "I beg your pardon, Captain Savage, you found just the same
fault with me on this quarter-deck 27,672 years ago, and--"
"If I did, Mr Muddle," interrupted the captain, very angrily, "depend
upon it that at the same time I ordered you to go aloft, and attend to
your duty, instead of talking nonsense on the quarter-deck; and,
although, as you say, you and I cannot recollect it, if you did not obey
that order instantaneously, I also put you in confinement, and obliged
you to leave the ship as soon as she returned to port. Do you understand
me, sir?"
"I rather think, sir," replied the carpenter, humbly touching his hat,
and walking to the main rigging, "that no such thing took place, for I
went up immediately, as I do now; and," continued the carpenter, who was
incurable, as he ascended the rigging, "as I shall again in another
27,672 years."
"That man is incorrigible with his confounded nonsense," observed the
captain to the first lieutenant. "Every mast in the ship would go over
the side, provided he could get any one to listen to his ridiculous
theory."
"He is not a bad carpenter, sir," replied the first lieutenant.
"He is not," rejoined the captain; "but there is a time for all things."
Just at this moment, the boatswain came down the rigging.
"Well, Mr Chucks, what do you think of the yard? Must we shift it?"
inquired the captain.
"At present, Captain Savage," replied the boatswain, "I consider it to
be in a state which may be called precarious, and not at all permanent;
but, with a little human exertion, four fathom of three-inch, and
half-a-dozen tenpenny nails, it may last, for all I know, until it is
time for it to be sprung again."
"I do not understand you, Mr Chucks. I know no time when a yard ought to
be sprung."
"I did not refer to our time, sir," replied the boatswain, "but to the
27,672 years of Mr Muddle, when--"
"Go forward immediately, sir, and attend to your duty," cried the
captain, in a very angry voice; and then he said to the first
lieutenant, "I believe the warrant officers are going mad. Who ever
heard a boatswain use such language--'precarious and not at all
permanent?' His stay in the ship will become so, if he does not mind
what he is about."
"He is a very odd character, sir," replied the first lieutenant; "but I
have no hesitation in saying that he is the best boatswain in his
majesty's service."
"I believe so too," replied the captain; "but--well, every one has his
faults. Mr Simple, what are you about sir?"
"I was listening to what you said," replied I, touching my hat.
"I admire your candour, sir," replied he, "but advise you to discontinue
the practice. Walk over to leeward, sir, and attend to your duty."
When I was on the other side of the deck, I looked round, and saw the
captain and first lieutenant both laughing.