It is a rare thing for some Christians to see their graces, but a
thing very common for such to see their sins, yea, and to feel them
too in their lusts and desires, to the shaking of their souls.
QUESTION. But since I have lusts and desires both ways, how shall I
know to which my soul adheres?
ANSWER. This may be known thus:
1. Which wouldest thou have prevail; the desires of the flesh, or
the lusts of the spirit? Whose side art thou of? Doth thy soul now
inwardly say, and that with a strong indignation, "Oh, let God, let
grace, let my desires that are good, prevail against my flesh, for
Jesus Christ's sake?"
2. What kind of secret wishes hast thou in thy soul, when thou
feelest the lusts of thy flesh to rage? Dost thou not inwardly, and
with indignation against sin, say, "O that I might never, never feel
one such motion more. O that my soul were so full of grace, that
there might be no longer room for even the least lust to come into
my thoughts?"
3. What kind of thoughts hast thou of thyself, now thou seest those
desires of thine that are good so briskly opposed by those that are
bad? Dost thou not say, "Oh, I am the basest of creatures; I could
even spew at myself. There is no man in all the world, in my eyes,
so loathsome as myself is. I abhor myself; a toad is not so vile as
I am. O Lord, let me be any thing but a sinner; any thing, so thou
subduest mine iniquities for me?"
4. How dost thou like the discovery of that which thou thinkest is
grace in other men! Dost thou not cry out, "Oh, I bless them in my
heart! Oh, methinks grace is the greatest beauty in the world! Yea,
I could be content to live and die with those people that have the
grace of God in their souls. A hundred times, and a hundred when I
have been upon my knees before God, I have desired, were it the will
of God, that I might be in their condition?"
5. How art thou, when thou thinkest that thou thyself hast grace?
"Oh, then," says the soul, "I am as if I could leap out of myself;
joy, joy, joy then is in my heart. It is, methinks, the greatest
mercy under heaven to be made a gracious man."
And is it thus with thy soul indeed? Happy man! It is grace that has
thy soul, though sin at present works in thy flesh. Yea, all those
breathings are the very actings of grace, even of the grace of
desire, of love, of humility, and of the fear of God within thee. Be
of good courage; thou art on the right side.
"I find," says the doubting Christian, "weakness and faintness as to
my graces; my faith, my hope, my love and desires to these and all
other Christian duties, are weak: I am like the man in the dream,
that would have run, but could not; that would have fought, but
could not, and that would have fled, but could not."
ANSWER. Weak graces are graces--weak graces may grow stronger; but
if the iron be blunt, put to the more strength. Eccles. 10:10.
Christ seems to be most tender of the weak: "He shall gather lambs
with his arm, shall carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead
them that are with young." Only here thy wisdom will be manifested,
to wit, that thou grow in grace, and that thou use lawfully and
diligently the means to do it. 2 Pet. 3:18; Phil. 3:10, 11; I Thess.
3:11-13.
I never heard a presumptuous man in my life say that he was afraid
that he presumed; but I have heard many an honest, humble soul say
that they have been afraid that their faith has been presumptive.