In young converts, hope and distrust, or a degree of despair, do
work and answer one another as doth the noise of the balance of the
watch in the pocket. Life and death is always the motion of the mind
then; and this noise continues until faith is stronger grown, and
until the soul is better acquainted with the methods and ways of God
with a sinner. Yea, was but a carnal man in a convert's heart, and
could see, he should discern these two, to wit, hope and fear, to
have a continual motion in the soul--wrestling and opposing one
another as do light and darkness, in striving for the victory.
And hence it is that you find such people so fickle and uncertain in
their spirits; now on the mount, then in the valleys; now in the
sunshine, then in the shade; now warm, then frozen; now bonny and
blithe, then in a moment pensive and sad, as thinking of a portion
nowhere but in hell.
In the general, all the days of our pilgrimage here are evil; yea,
every day has a sufficiency of evil in it to destroy the best saint
that breatheth, were it not for the grace of God. But there are also
particular specious times, times more eminently dangerous and
hazardous unto saints. As,
1. There are their young days, the days of their youth and childhood
in grace. This day is usually attended with much evil towards him or
them that are asking the way to Zion with their faces thitherward.
Now the devil has lost a sinner; there is a captive has broke
prison, and one run away from his master; now hell seems to be
awakened from sleep; the devils are come out, they roar, and roaring
they seek to recover their runaway; they tempt him, threaten him,
flatter him, stigmatize him, throw dust in his eyes, poison him with
errors, spoil him while he is upon the potter's wheel; any thing to
keep him from coming to Jesus Christ. And is not this a needy time?
Doth not such a one want abundance of grace? Is it not of absolute
necessity that thou, if thou art the man thus beset, shouldst ply it
at the throne of grace for mercy and grace to keep thee in such a
time of need as this?
To want a spirit of prayer now, is as much as thy life is worth. Oh,
therefore, you that know what I say, you that are broke loose from
hell, that are fled for refuge to lay hold on the hope set before
you, and that do hear the lion roar after you, and that are kept
awake with the continual voice of his chinking chain, cry as you
fly; yea, the promise is, that they that come to God with weeping,
with supplication, he will lead them.
Well, this is one needy time; now thy hedge is low, now thy branch
is tender, now thou art but in the bud. Pray that thou be not marred
in the potter's hand.