It is frequently remarked that the present war will be far-reaching in
its consequences. The truth of this is apparent from the following
notices, gathered at random from the column of "Personal Paragraphs"
which the Editor of _The Shrimpington-on-Sea Gazette_ publishes weekly,
without charge, thereby earning the reputation of a patriot:--
IN CONSEQUENCE OF the present crisis in the Money Market, Mrs. Pincham
desires to give notice that she hereby disclaims all liability for any
debts contracted by her at Bridge, and the same will not be paid.
THIS IS TO SAY THAT, owing to the war and my pocket-money being stopped
because I broke the dining-room window, if Jackson Minor does not pay me
the balance of sixpence remaining for his half-share of the white rabbit
we both bought last term, his half of the rabbit will be sold and the
proceeds kept by the undersigned, SMITH TERTIUS.
LADY STRAITER regrets to be obliged to announce that, in consequence of
the perilous financial situation in Europe, she will be forced to
discontinue her subscription of 2_s._ 6_d._ per annum to the Society for
the Relief of Distressed Dustmen.
MR. ALURED DE MORTIMER TALBOT-HOWARD-ST. MAUR begs to inform his many
friends and the general public that the above is his real name, and that
he is proud to say he is by birth and descent an Englishman. The
spiteful rumours which allege that he originally kept a pawnbroker's
shop in Hamburg, where his name was Wilhelm Guggelheimer, are merely the
inventions of malicious persons who are envious of his property and
social position.
As the Shrimpington-on-Sea Golf Course has been entirely ploughed-up
(with the exception of the greens) and planted with onions, turnips,
cabbages, and beetroot, to increase our national food-supply, all
members are requested to play in rubber-soled shoes only during the next
two months, so as not to damage the growing crops.
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