"KAISER WANTS NEW NATIONAL HYMN."
"_Westminster Gazette_" _Heading._
"He shall have it."--_Mr. Punch._
GOD of our Fathers, God of old,
Who hast for us such sympathy,
Cast as Thou art in German mould,
Again we raise our voice to Thee:
Omnipotence, we need Thy hand
In air, on sea, canal and land!
The English (who, Thou knowest, hide
Contemptibly upon an isle)
No doubt on Thee have also cried,
According to their native guile;
Presumption could no further go
In those who plunged the world in woe.
Thou wouldst not hearken to a race
Possessed of that inhuman Fleet,
So cruel, arrogant and base,
So steeped in rancour and deceit.
'Twas they, remember, they alone,
Who forced this Burden on Thine own!
Bless, rather, us! our arms! our cause!
Pour on us Thy protecting love!
Sanction our fractures of Thy laws,
By U,s beneath, by Zeps above!
Relieve us in this dark impasse;
Bless all our efforts; bless our gas!
Deal gently with us should we tend--
Presuming as Thy favoured Race,
All flushed to own so great a Friend--
To dereliction into grace!
Deal gently with us, Lord, should we
Once deviate to decency!
And Him, from Whom such blessings flow,
Our WILHELM, first of Sons of Light,
Whose one ambition is to show
Mankind the rightfulness of Might;
Bless Him, and forward His device
To make an Earthly Paradise!
And should some other star up there
(For all the stellar space is Thine)
Demand Thy more immediate care,
And thus divert Thee from the Rhine,
Thou need'st but mention it, and He
Thy Viceroy hero will gladly be!
* * * * *
"WANT OF FOOD.
Salonika.
On returning to Salonika after an absence of a month, I
find the situation much relieved as a result of the
deportation of the enemy Consuls and the energetic
measures adopted to clear the town of the numerous pies
previously infesting it."--_Provincial Paper._
The headline seems justified.
* * * * *
"I bought a brochure, which explained that the Emperor
was not physically ill, but his metal condition was
upset owing to the war."
_Evening Paper._
Another allusion, we suppose, to the depreciation of the Mark.
* * * * *
"Lord Crewe and Lord Lansdowne have addressed the
following Whip to the members of the House of Lords: On
February 15 an address will be moved in the House of
Lords in answer to His Majesty's Speech. We venture to
express the hope that Your Majesty will find it possible
to attend in your place on that day."--_Yorkshire
Evening Post._
We have heard of the Sovereign People, but the Sovereign Peers are new
to us.
* * * * *
"In the course of the match, Brelsford, the United
half-back, and Glennon, the Wednesday forward, were
ordered off the field for fighting. Upwards of 16,000
spectators witnessed the match."--_Birmingham Post._
Mr. Punch will gladly furnish any of the players, or eligibles amongst
the 16,000 spectators, with the address of a field where fighters will
certainly not be "ordered off."
* * * * *
"ANIMALS AND ZEPPELIN NOISES.
SIR,--The dat is affected by all sounds, according to
its weakness or its strength."
_Morning Paper._
We have often noticed the same thing about the cog.
* * * * *
"TYPIST and Shorthand Clerk.--Required at once for
invoicing a young lady, accustomed to the drapery trade
preferred."
_Daily Chronicle._
Not an easy post. Some young ladies are so unaccountable.
* * * * *
"Washington, Jany. 17.--Mrs. Emmeline Pankhurst the
suffragette leader now under parole in New York will be
formally admitted to the United States soon after her
papers reach Washington. President Wilson is opposed to
her execution."--_Bermuda Colonist._
A merciful man, this WILSON.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Nervous Young Officer_ (_to 'bus conductor_).
"FIRST SINGLE TO OXFORD CIRCUS."
(The authorities have recommended that officers should
travel first-class.)]
* * * * *