MY job is to ride on ahead of the regiment, whenever we leave the
trenches, and secure accommodation for men and horses in the place
allotted to us. For billeting purposes there are four kinds of villages
behind our front: the good, the indifferent, the positively bad, and the
village of R----. It was to R---- that I was ordered on my first errand
of this kind. On the road I met a friend who holds the same pest in his
regiment as I do in mine. I told him where I was going, and he grinned.
"You'll find all the doors locked when you arrive," he said. "The Mayor
is away on service and you won't get any help from his wife. She's the
most disagreeable woman I ever met, and is known for miles round as a
holy terror." When at length I reached my destination I sent the rest of
the party in search of barns and stables, proceeding myself towards the
village pump, which I had been told was always a good place to work
from. But there was little sign of life here. The _place_ was deserted,
except for one old man who was supporting himself by the pump handle,
while with a stick in his other hand he tried to strafe a hen that had
inadvertently run between his legs.
"Bon jour, M'sieur," I said by way of a start.
"Cigarette anglaise!" replied the patriarch.
I offered my case and was presently being entertained with reminiscences
of the war of _soixante-dix_. By the time that he had finished his
cigarette he had gone further back into history and was vividly
describing the retreat from Moscow under the First Napoleon, on which
occasion I gathered that he had caught a severe cold. There was
evidently little help to be gained here, so leaving my venerable friend
amid the Russian snows I went to the nearest house and knocked.
Presently a key turned and the door was opened for about three inches by
an old woman.
"_Bon jour, Madame_," I said in my best French; "I seek a bedroom, if
possible one with a bed in it."
She looked me up and down for a moment, then with a "_Pas compris_" shut
and locked the door again.
In the next house they were more obliging. A stout gentleman opened the
door and informed me that unfortunately he possessed only one bed, which
was shared by himself and his family of six children. But as M'sieu was
a member of the _entente_, and if he could find no other
accommodation---- But here I fled. Thus it was from house to house, and
when later my N.C.O. reported his arrangements for men and horses
satisfactory I had only managed to secure one miserable little room. So
desperate had I become by this time that I determined to face the
Mayor's wife, in spite of my friend's advice. Accordingly I turned
towards a house labelled _Mairie_, and entered the garden, where a small
child was playing. I think without exception he was the ugliest little
boy I have ever seen, but I am a father when home on leave, and he
smiled at me in such a nice friendly way that I stopped and pecked at
his cheek as I passed.
When I looked up I saw a grim face regarding me over a pot of geraniums
in the window. "Now for it!" I thought, and was presently face to face
with the formidable lady, who asked me in broken English what my
business might be. "Madame," I said, "you see a ruined captain before
you. I have been sent to this village to find twelve bedrooms for my
Colonel and brother-officers. Also a mess-room and an office. In one
hour I have secured one room, and even now the regiment is arriving,"
for as I spoke the O.C. and some of the others came riding up. On seeing
me they dismounted, and before Madame could say anything she and I were
the centre of a little group of officers.
"Well," said the O.C., "what luck? We're looking forward to real beds
again, I can tell you!"
I felt myself growing red. "The men and horses are arranged for, Sir," I
stammered, and then suddenly a voice at my side took up the tale: "And
if you will come wiz me I shall 'elp ze Captain to show to you ze rooms
'e 'as found." Unable to utter a word, I bowed, and we followed Madame
to the first house at which I had earlier tried so unsuccessfully. She
knocked at the door like a fury, and no sooner was it opened than she
went in without more ado, and we after her. "I have come to show M'sieu
the Colonel the room that you have prepared for him," she said in her
own language to the old woman, who stood bowing and smiling as hard as
she could. Then she opened a door and took us into the nicest room
imaginable.
"'Ere I 'ope you will be 'appy, my Colonel," she continued. "Zis is ze
best room ze Captain could find for you. Also I 'ope you will find
Madame aimable;" and here she looked at the old woman, who started
bowing again harder than ever. It was the same at all the other houses.
Passing from one to another she commandeered room after room, even
managing to wrest a bed from the father of six; and I verily believe
that the inhabitants would have burned their dwellings to warm us had
the little lady ordered it. All the while she maintained the fiction
that I had arranged things previously.
"I 'ave just come wiz ze Captain to see everyting ees what you call
spick," she said on leaving us.
"And a very good business you have made of it," said the O.C. to me
approvingly. Still greatly puzzled, I returned to thank my benefactress.
After expressing my gratitude I ventured to tell her that she had been
much kinder to me than I had been led to expect.
"But 'ave I not see you kees my little son?" she said gravely.
"Ah," I said to myself, "_that's_ it!" and, stooping down to where he
was playing, I did it again with added warmth.
* * * * *