TO VICKSBURG AGAIN--ASPIRATIONS--TROOPS PASSING TO BLACK RIVER--GENERAL
PEMBERTON ORDERS ALL NON-COMBATANTS TO LEAVE THE CITY.
Leaving the threatened, teeming town behind us, we moved slowly on--our
friends, my little one, and myself--toward Vicksburg. Ah! Vicksburg, our
city of refuge, the last to yield thou wilt be; and within thy homes we
will not fear the footstep of the victorious army, but rest in safety amid
thy hills! and those whom we love so dearly will comfort and sustain us in
our frightened and panic-stricken condition--will laugh away our woman's
fears, and lighten our hearts from the dread and suffering we have
experienced. Yet, is there any place where one is perfectly safe in these
terrible times? As we travelled along, the night air blowing so
refreshingly upon us through the open window--our seats so quiet--the
motion of the cars so soothing, my friends soon gave unmistakable signs
of the deep sleep that had fallen upon them;--the quiet of the night--the
air so fragrant--the heavens above us so calm and starlit!
I leaned my head against the window and looked into the darkness. How calm
and earnest the thoughts that came to me after the unquiet and
restlessness of the day! The blessed hope of the heavenly home seemed
doubly gracious. How longingly I looked upon the veil that lay between our
world and the beyond! Ah! the beyond, where Christ has gone, that our life
there may be perfected through him; the beyond, where many a night like
this my eyes have looked upon the stars; and my soul trembled and panted,
wistfully longing for more knowledge of the life above--wistfully longing
for the child, the martyr child, that suffered and died upon my bosom--the
child whose life on earth was so much a part of my own!--whose heavenly
life I wish so much to influence my own! And I seek, I know not what, as I
gaze upon those worlds above. I dare not ask for a revelation; but, ah!
could I penetrate beyond the stars and catch one ray of the glorious
life! Yet, the consciousness of a refined and purer existence is ever near
me, as my mind separates from the earth--gives itself up to intangible and
yearning inquiries, that will never be satisfied until I, too, stand
within the presence of my Creator. Oh, this night time, this starlit,
clear, and most pure heaven before us! Does not one see oneself more
clearly, when looking upward with the ever-undefined emotion that we feel
when gazing at the heavens at night?--does not our own unworthiness, our
soul's need of a Saviour, come to us as our conscience, overcoming the
callousness of the day and the world, whispers to us of many derelictions
from our duty? of prayers hastily said over? of opportunities for good to
our fellow men lost? The soft answer, the kind word and cheering smile to
the world weary, all have been passed by; and we see where good, to one
"of the least of these," might have made a life happier; and, as to the
pure, all things are pure, so we, as we pant for the heavenly life, and
the ennobling existence belonging to it, see more clearly the
imperfections in this, and in our daily duties, and our need of a Mediator
with him to whose pure eyes we are wholly unworthy; alas! so unworthy,
that with this life our worthiness can never begin.
As we passed along nearing Vicksburg, we could see camps and camp fires,
with the dim figures of men moving around them; we could see the sentinel
guarding the Black River bridge, silent and erect, looking in the darkness
like a dusky statue ornamenting some quaint and massive bridge of the old
countries; and farther, masses of men in the road marching quietly in the
night time, followed by the artillery; long lines of wagons, too, passing
through the ravines--now the white covers seen on the brow of the hill;
losing sight of them again, we hear the shout of the teamsters, the crack
of the whip--and again catch sight of a white top through trees--and the
occasional song of a wagoner. At the depot soldiers were crowded, waiting
to go out; and on our arrival at our friend's, we, so weary with the
excitement and turmoil of the day, were glad to rest our tired heads in
calmness and peace, with no fears for the morrow, or restless forebodings
of evil.
Upon reading the papers the next morning, almost the first article that
caught my eye was an order from General Pemberton, insisting on all
non-combatants leaving the city. "Heretofore," he said, "I have merely
requested that it should be done; now I demand it." "Ah!" cried I, "have
we no rest for the sole of our foot? Must we again go through the fright
and anxiety of yesterday?" "We cannot leave here," replied my friend.
"Where can we go? Here we are among our friends--we are welcome, and we
feel in safety. Let us at least share the fate of those we love so much.
If we leave, we cannot tell to what we may be exposed--even now, probably,
the Federal army occupy Jackson; if we go into the country, we are liable
at any time to be surrounded by them; and to whom can we apply for
protection from the soldiery? We _must_ stay here, even if the gentlemen
say go, which, I fear, they will; we must urge them to allow us to remain,
for you know they can refuse us nothing. Oh, we are so quiet and peaceful,
we must stay, come what will." When the gentlemen came, we talked of the
"order" with them. At first they said we must leave; but we entreated them
to let us stay, representing our deplorable condition in a country overrun
by soldiers, the great danger of trying to go to Mobile by railway, the
track having been partly destroyed between Meridian and Jackson. We
declared that we would almost starve--that we would meet any evil
cheerfully in Vicksburg, where our friends were--where we were carefully
housed, quiet, and contented. So, laughingly, they said they were
completely overcome by our distress, and would arrange it so that we could
stay if we wished. "But, remember," they said, "if trouble comes, you must
meet it with your eyes open." "Yes," we said, "we can meet trouble where
you are, cheerfully." All seemed to think that the matter would be decided
some distance from Vicksburg, and that General Pemberton wanted to cast
the responsibility from his shoulders, if the worst came, and ladies were
endangered in the city.