HOW PANTAGRUEL FINALLY CONQUERS THE THIRSTY PEOPLE, AND THE STRANGE
BUSINESS PANURGE FINDS FOR KING ANARCHUS.
[Illustration: Initial A.]
After this marvellous victory, Pantagruel sent Carpalim before him
into the city to let everybody know that King Anarchus had been taken
prisoner, and that all his Giants had been killed. On receiving this
message, the people flocked out of the walls to welcome their own
Prince. Everywhere, crowds were making merry around fine, round tables,
filled with good victuals, and set out in the middle of the streets.
So good was the cheer, and so bright were the bonfires that blazed on
every side, that the people said it looked like the Golden Age come
again. Pantagruel called the wise men of the city before him. When they
had gathered together, he spoke these words:--
"My masters, I am not satisfied with getting back my own city. I shall
not rest until I capture all the cities, towns, and villages in the
Kingdom of the Thirsty People. I noted to-day that this city of yours
is so full of people that they can't turn about in the streets. I know
what I shall do for them. I shall plant my ancient and tried Utopians
as a colony in Dipsodie, so that they can teach the Thirsty People how
to be true and loyal. By to-morrow at daylight, let men of all trades
be in the Public Square. I shall be ready to march at that hour."
[Illustration: WELCOME TO PANTAGRUEL.]
Of course, this was soon noised about the city. The next morning a vast
multitude swarmed into the Great Square before the Palace to the number
of one million eight hundred and fifty-six thousand and eleven--not
counting the women and children. At break of day, this great army
was all ready to march in good order straight into the country of the
Thirsty People.
But, before they all get away. I must tell you one of the cunning
tricks of our old friend Panurge. He had not forgotten that the
wretched little King Anarchus, whom Pantagruel had given to him as
a present, had been the chief cause of the invasion of the peaceful
Kingdom of Utopia. If Anarchus had shown the spirit of a brave man
among the stout and faithful Giants, who had fought to the death to
keep his mean little body from harm, Panurge would never have dared
touch him. But Anarchus had been all along such a coward that he wasn't
worth anybody's pity. So, on the evening of Pantagruel's triumphant
entrance into the city, Panurge, after some hard thinking, got up a
new dress for the little King. There was nothing at all royal about
the dress. It was very far from being that, as it consisted of a pretty
canvas doublet, all braided and pranked out; a pair of wide sailor
trousers; and stockings without shoes.
"For," as Panurge said, "_shoes would only spoil his sight._"
He then put on the head of Anarchus a little pink cap, trimmed with a
great capon-feather,--maybe I am wrong, because I have been told that
there were two of these feathers,--besides a fine belt of blue and
green. This was the ridiculous figure which Panurge dragged before
Pantagruel.
"Do you know this fellow?"
"Not I," said Pantagruel.
"Why, this is the King of the Thirsty People! I am going to make an
honest man of him. He was a pitiful rogue when he wore the crown. Now
that he wears this gay dress, he is an honest man. I have given him a
trade. He is a crier of green sauce, at your service. Now, little King,
begin! Call out, 'Green Sauce! Green Sauce! Who wants to buy Green
Sauce?'"
The poor King, from pure shame, piped out too low.
"That is not half loud enough," cried Panurge, catching him by the ear,
and saying, "Sing higher, little King; sing higher in _ge, sol, re,
ut._"
Pantagruel made himself merry at all this. I dare say the little King
was the drollest man he had ever seen.
And this was how King Anarchus got to be a Crier of Green Sauce.
Two days after this, Panurge married the little King with an old
lantern-jawed hag. To have everything pass off gaily, and to make sure
of good dancing, he hired a blind man to give the music. For their
wedding-supper, he ordered fine sheep-heads, plenty of eels served with
mustard, and tripe spiced with garlic. The drink was watered wine and
fine cider.
Pantagruel gave the couple a little cottage in one of the side streets,
and a stone-mortar in which to pound their sauce. Here they carried on
their trade, and the little King might have been happier than when he
lived in a palace and had Giants to guard him, but for his wife, who
beat him in time as flat as a mummy.
When Pantagruel marched from the city, along the high road, he looked a
grander and mightier Giant than ever. Every town and city surrendered
to him as he drew near, and every noble of the country came to offer
him homage. Only the city of the Almirodes held out; and that would
have kept its gates shut to the end had it not been for a story its
people happened to hear of the Giant and of an awful storm which came
up one day, while he was on his way there with his army. There being
no danger of _his_ being drowned,--so the story ran,--Pantagruel put
his big tongue half way out of his mouth and covered the whole army
as snugly as a hen covers her chicks. When the people of the stubborn
city heard _that_, they opened their gates wide!--wide!!--wide!!!--to
let the Giant pass. "There is no use resisting such a man as that,"
everybody said.
[Illustration: GRANDER AND MIGHTIER THAN EVER.]
And so ended the bad war which the Thirsty People had begun against the
Utopians when their good King Gargantua had been carried to Fairy-land.
[Illustration: PANTAGRUEL RETURNS.]
Pantagruel, having ended his tour through all the cities of his new
Kingdom of Dipsodie, finally reached the Palace where he had been
born, and on leaving which, one sad day, to go on his long journey to
school, he had seen for the last time his dear and honored father.
All these thoughts made the tender-hearted Giant sad; but he had no
time for weeping. There were many wrongs in his own Kingdom of Utopia
to make right. There were many rights to make strong. There were a
thousand other things to do for his faithful people, who had at once
proclaimed him King when Gargantua had been taken to Fairy-land,--even
when he had been leagues upon leagues away.