PANTAGRUEL BEATS THE SORBONNE IN ARGUMENT, AND PANURGE PROVES THAT AN
ENGLISHMAN'S FINGERS ARE NOT SO NIMBLE AS A FRENCHMAN'S.
[Illustration: Initial W.]
While Pantagruel was at Paris, he was receiving, every now and then,
letters from his father, which were so kind, and so full of good advice
to him to improve himself in the Languages, that he had not the heart
to neglect them, even had he wished. One day, after laughing more than
usual at one of Panurge's pranks,--and his new friend had turned out
a queer fish indeed,--he thought it was right to see how much he had
really learned. The very next day, therefore, at all the crossings of
the city he posted, with his own hand, nine thousand seven hundred
and sixty-four propositions, challenging all the wise men of Paris to
argue with him, and show where, and in what, and how far, any of his
propositions was wrong. At so bold a defiance, the wise men of Paris
puckered their foreheads, opened wide their nostrils, breathed heavily,
and ended by accepting the challenge. They thought that a Giant's
strongest point was his body; but Pantagruel very soon proved to them
that he was stronger than all of them, bunched together, in brains.
It was at the gates of Sorbonne itself--the great University--that
Pantagruel, flushed with victory, next knocked. Sorbonne was not too
proud to meet the bold Giant from Utopia in a fair combat, not of
blows, but of words. For six weeks, Pantagruel maintained his theses
against all the theologians, from four o'clock in the morning until
six o'clock in the evening, with the exception of two hours allowed
for refreshment. The contest made a great noise in the court, and most
of the lords, masters of requests, presidents, counsellors, bankers,
secretaries, lawyers, together with the doctors and professors of the
great city, came to hear the learned talk day after day. Among all
these there were, of course, some very headstrong and restive, who must
needs take a hand in helping the theologians to puzzle Pantagruel; but,
at the end, they themselves were routed, the most learned doctors of
the Sorbonne along with all the rest.
[Illustration: AT THE GATES OF SORBONNE.]
From that time, everybody began to talk about Pantagruel's wonderful
knowledge,--as, before that, all the talk had been about his monstrous
size,--even to the wash-women, roast-meat sellers, pen-knife-makers,
and others, who, whenever they would catch a sight of him on the
street, would poke each other in the ribs and call out: "_Oh, look,
there he goes!_" Pantagruel would have been blind if he had not seen
these good people nudge one another, and deaf if he had not heard what
they were saying. He certainly was very much pleased; but that is not
at all strange, since Demosthenes, the prince of Greek orators, felt
the same when once, in passing along a street in Athens, an old hag
pointed her skinny fingers sharp at him, screaming: "_That's the man!_"
So great did Pantagruel's fame become in Paris that, whenever there was
a law-nut harder to crack than usual, the parties would appeal to him
to decide between them, and his decisions were always so just that,
strange to say, both sides would go away satisfied,--which is a thing
hard to be believed, since the like is not to be seen for thirteen
Jubilees. His reputation also went abroad, and, in consequence,
attracted the attention of a wise Englishman named Thaumastes, who came
all the way from England with the sole intention of seeing Pantagruel,
and testing for himself if his knowledge was so great as had been told.
On reaching Paris, Thaumastes asked where Pantagruel lodged, and, on
being informed, went to the St. Denis Hotel, where he found him walking
in the garden with Panurge on his arm. When his eyes first fell on the
Giant, he was almost out of his senses for fear, seeing him so big and
so tall. At last he managed to pluck up courage enough to salute him
very courteously.
"Very true it is, mighty Sir," he said, "what Plato, prince of
philosophers, once declared, that, if the image of Science were
corporeal enough to be brought in all her beauty before the eyes of
men, she would excite in all the world great wonder. I came disposed to
wonder; now, seeing, I do more--I admire. Having heard of your renown
I have left country, home, and kinsmen, and have, in spite of the long
journey and the hardships of crossing the sea, presented myself here
with the sole purpose of seeing you, and consulting you upon some
passages of Philosophy in which I believe, and yet cannot be sure, that
I am right. If you will only deign to solve my doubts, I hereby declare
myself your slave. But I beg to make plain one point, and that is, that
I wish to dispute through signs only, without speaking. I shall be
found, if it suits Your Magnificence, in the great hall of Navarre, at
seven o'clock to-morrow morning."
[Illustration: THAUMASTES VISITS PANTAGRUEL.]
Pantagruel, although by no means sure that he knew how to argue with
his fingers, replied with his usual grace to the courteous Englishman,
paying him many compliments for his design of carrying on a great
disputation by signs only. After which, Thaumastes, who, by the way,
had not quite got over his fear of the Giant, went straight to the
Cluny Hotel, where he lodged, declaring when he reached there that he
had never felt so thirsty in all his life. He swore to the landlord
that he thought that terrible Pantagruel was even then clutching him
by his throat--so very dry and ready to choke he was.
On his side, too, Pantagruel was grievously disturbed. He did nothing
in the first part of his sleep, that night, but dream about books with
hard Latin titles, and visions of phantom hands hovering in the air
around his head, and making passes under his very nose. All he could do
was to turn and twist, and twist and turn again, in his bed, and groan,
so dolefully, that Panurge, rudely wakened from his first nap, ventured
to come into the room.
"My lord," he said, as he approached the bed, "don't trouble yourself
about this matter. Turn on your right side like a good Christian,
and go to sleep. With your permission, I shall answer Mr. Englishman
to-morrow. By my faith! I never yet saw an Englishman who knew what to
do with his fingers!"
Pantagruel was, of course, delighted to hear this. He knew how sharp
Panurge was, and how far he could go beyond other men. But somehow he
still had his misgivings; and so he turned his big body around for the
last time and went to sleep, only to be haunted all night long by Latin
books with hard names, and a plague of mocking fingers making signs
under his nose.
[Illustration: THE GREAT COLLEGE WAS PACKED.]
The next morning, the great College of Navarre was packed with people
to hear the famous dispute between the Giant and the Englishman.
As soon as Pantagruel and Panurge reached the hall, all the professors
and students began, as was their custom, to clap with their hands.
But Pantagruel shouted out at the top of his voice, which sounded as
if a double cannon had been of a sudden shot off: "Peace, all! If you
trouble me here, I shall cut off the heads of every one of you." At
this terrible threat, the crowd stood amazed, and did not dare even
cough. The fact is, they grew so thirsty, all of a sudden, that their
tongues dropped out from their throats as if Pantagruel, instead of
stepping on the platform, had gone from one to the other salting them
all.
When everything was quiet, Panurge stepped forward with a pleasant
smile, and addressed the Englishman in these words:--
"I am only an insignificant pupil of my royal master, Prince
Pantagruel, whose reputation, here and elsewhere, is so noble and so
exalted; but I swear that I shall convince thee that, in all signs made
in the sacred name of Science, I am thy master, and can give thee all
the lessons thou mayst need."
"Is that so?" cried Thaumastes; "then, let us begin!"
It was a battle of signs, as we know already, not of words. The
Englishman made the first sign.
[Illustration: THE DISPUTATION.]
Some people thought at the time that Panurge, in his answer, showed
rather too plainly the low opinion he had of his learned antagonist's
skill in finger-moving. He suddenly raised his right hand in air,
then put the thumb inside of his right nostril while keeping the four
fingers stretched out, but close together in a line parallel with
the tip of his nose--meanwhile closing the left eye completely, and
depressing the right eye. Then he raised on high his left hand, with
close pressing and extension of the four fingers and elevation of the
thumb, holding his left hand in a straight line with his right, with
about a cubit and a half between them.
The Englishman answered, without seeming to understand this sign of
Panurge.
Then Panurge replied.
Then the Englishman.
Then Panurge.
[Illustration: PANURGE REPLIES.]
Then both made, one after the other, and with the greatest rapidity,
the neatest, the most skilful, the most beautiful, the most dazzling,
the most speaking, so to say, signs, all in the name of Science, but
all so much in favor of Panurge, with the little talking devil there
is in French fingers, that Thaumastes became so confounded that he
began to blow like a goose, and finally gave up the fight. But the
Englishman, when he had been beaten, was honest enough to say so.
Rising from his seat, while gallantly taking off his cap, he thanked
Panurge in a low tone. Then, with a loud voice, he addressed the
learned assembly:--
"My lords, at this time, I can surely say that you have an incomparable
treasure in your presence. I refer to my Lord Pantagruel, whose fame
alone brought me here from the other end of England. But you can better
judge how learned the master must be since I find so much skill in his
pupil, for I have always heard that the scholar is never above the
master."
It is said that the Englishman, after his defeat, was well and
honorably treated by Pantagruel. It was also whispered that Thaumastes,
on his return to England, caused to be printed in London a book which
contained all the signs and the meanings of the Great Disputation, but
of which, strange to say, no copy has reached this day.