VARIOUS SPEAKERS. Wheer be pushin' to? Car that manners screouging like
that!... I cann't see nawthen, _I_ cann't wi' all they 'ats in front....
What be gooin' arn, do 'ee know?... A wumman gooin' in along 'o they
lions and tigerses? Naw, ye niver mane it!... Bain't she a leatherin' of
'un too!... Now she be a kissin' of 'un--maakin' it oop loike.... John,
you can see better nor me--what be she oop to now?... Puttin' 'er 'ed
inside o' th' lion's? Aw, dear me, now--_there_'s a thing to be doin'
of! Well, I'd ruther it was 'er nor me, I know _that_.... They wun't do
'er naw 'arm, so long's she kips 'er heye on 'em.... What do 'ee taak so
voolish vor? How's th' wumman to kip 'er heye on 'em, with 'er 'ed down
wan on 'em's throat, eh?... Gracious alive! if iver I did!... Oh, I do
'ope she bain't gooin' to let off naw fire-arms, I be moor fear'd o'
pistols nor any tigers.... Theer, she's out now! She be bold fur a
female, bain't her?... She niver maade 'em joomp through naw bla-azin'
'oops, though.... What carl would she hev fur doin' that? Well, they've
a drared 'er doin' of it houtside', that's arl I know.... An' they've a
drared Hadam outside a naamin' of th' hanimals--but ye didn't expect to
see _that_ doon inside', did 'ee?... Bob, do 'ee look at old Muster
Manders ovver theer by th' hellyphant. He's a maakin' of 'isself that
familiar--putting biskuts 'tween his lips and lettin' th' hellyphant
take 'em out wi's troonk!... _I_ see un--let un aloan, th' hold doitler,
happen he thinks he's a feedin' his canary bird!
At the Regent Street Tussaud's.
_Before the effigy of Dr. Koch, who is represented in the act
of examining a test-tube with the expression of bland
blamelessness peculiar to Wax Models._
WELL-INFORMED VISITOR. That's Dr. Koch, making his great discovery!
UNSCIENTIFIC V. What did _he_ discover?
WELL-INF. V. Why, the Consumption Bacillus. He's got it in that bottle
he's holding up.
UNSC. V. And what's the good of it, now he _has_ discovered it?
WELL-INF. V. Good? Why, it's the thing that causes _consumption_, you
know!
UNSC. V. Then it's a pity he didn't leave it alone!
_Before a Scene representing "The Home Life at Sandringham."_
FIRST OLD LADY (_with Catalogue_). It says here that "the note the page
is handing _may_ have come from Sir Dighton Probyn, the Comptroller of
the Royal Household." Fancy _that_!
SECOND OLD LADY. He's brought it in in his fingers. Now _that's_ a thing
I never allow in _my_ house. I always tell Sarah to bring all letters,
and even circulars, in on a tray!
_Before a Scene representing the late Fred Archer, on a rather quaint
quadruped, on Ascot Racecourse._
A SPORTSMAN. H'm--Archer, eh? Shouldn't have backed his mount in _that_
race!
_Before "The Library at Hawarden."_
GLADSTONIAN ENTHUSIAST (_to_ FRIEND, _who, with the perverse ingenuity
of patrons of Waxworks, has been endeavouring to identify the Rev. John
Wesley among the Cabinet in Downing Street_). Oh, never mind all that
lot, Betsy; they're only the _Gover'ment_! Here's dear Mr. and Mrs.
Gladstone in this next! See, he's lookin' for something in a drawer of
his side-board--ain't that _natural_? And only look--a lot of people
have been leaving Christmas cards on him (_a pretty and touching tribute
of affection, which is eminently characteristic of a warm-hearted
Public_). I wish I'd thought o' bringing one with me!
HER FRIEND. So do I. We might send one 'ere by post--but it'll have to
be a New Year Card now!
A STRICT OLD LADY (_before next group_). Who are these two? "Mr. 'Enery
Irving, and Miss Ellen Terry in _Faust_, eh? No--I don't care to stop to
see them--that's play-actin', that is--and I don't 'old with it nohow!
What are these two parties supposed to be doin' of over here?
What--Cardinal Newman and Cardinal Manning at the High Altar at the
Oratory, Brompton! Come along, and don't encourage Popery by looking at
such figures. I _did_ 'ear as they'd got Mrs. Pearcey and the
prambilator somewheres. I _should_ like to see that, now."