_Sightseers discovered drifting languidly along in a state of
depression, only tempered by the occasional exercise of the
right of every free-born Briton to criticize whenever he fails
to understand. The general tone is that of faintly amused and
patronizing superiority._
A BURLY SIGHTSEER _with a red face_ (_inspecting group representing
"Mithras Sacrificing a Bull"_). H'm; that may be Mithras's notion of
making a clean job of it, but it ain't _mine_!
A WOMAN (_examining a fragment from base of sculptured column with a
puzzled expression as she reads the inscription_). "Lower portion of
female figure--probably a Bacchante." Well, how they know who it's
intended for, when there ain't more than a bit of her skirt left, beats
_me_!
HER COMPANION. Oh, I s'pose they've got to put a name to it o' _some_
sort.
AN INTELLIGENT ARTISAN (_out for the day with his_ FIANCEE--_reading
from pedestal_). "Part of a group of As--Astrala--no,
_Astraga_--lizontes"--that's what _they_ are, yer see.
FIANCEE. But who _were_ they?
THE I. A. Well, I can't tell yer--not for certain; but I expect they'd
be the people who in'abited Astragalizontia.
FIANCEE. Was that what they used to call Ostralia before it was
discovered? (_They come to the Clytie bust._) Why, if that isn't the
same head Mrs. Meggles has under a
glass shade in her front window, only smaller--and hers is alabaster,
too! But fancy them going and copying it, and I dare say without so much
as a "by your leave," or a "thank you!"
[Illustration: "H'M; THAT MAY BE MITHRAS'S NOTION OF MAKING A
CLEAN JOB OF IT, BUT IT AIN'T _mine_!"]
THE I. A. (_reading_). "Portrait of Antonia, sister-in-law of the
Emperor Tiberius, in the character of Clytie turning into a sunflower."
FIANCEE. Lor! They did queer things in those days, didn't they?
(_Stopping before another bust._) Who's that?
THE I. A. 'Ed of Ariadne.
FIANCEE (_slightly surprised_). What!--not young Adney down our street?
I didn't know as he'd been took in stone.
THE I. A. How do you suppose they'd 'ave young Adney in among this
lot--why, that's antique!
FIANCEE. Well, I was _thinking_ it looked more like a female. But if
it's meant for old Mr. Teak the shipbuilder's daughter, it flatters her
up considerable; and, besides, I always understood as her name was
Betsy.
THE I. A. No, no; what a girl you are for getting things wrong! that 'ed
was cut out years and years ago!
FIANCEE. Well, she's gone off _since_, that's all; but I wonder at old
Mr. Teak letting it go out of the family, instead of putting it on his
mantelpiece along with the lustres, and the two chiny dogs.
THE A. I. (_with ungallant candour_). 'Ark at you! Why you 'ain't much
more sense nor a chiny dog yourself!
MORALIZING MATRON (_before the Venus of Ostia_). And to think of the
poor ignorant Greeks worshipping a shameless hussey like that! It's a
pity they hadn't some one to teach them more respectable notions! Well,
well! it ought to make us thankful _we_ don't live in those benighted
times, that it ought!
A CONNOISSEUR (_after staring at a colossal Greek lion_). A lion, eh?
Well, it's another proof to my mind that the ancients hadn't got very
far in the statuary line. Now, if you _want_ to see a stone lion done
true to Nature, you've only to walk any day along the Euston Road.
A PRACTICAL MAN. I dessay it's a fine collection, enough, but it's a
pity the things ain't more perfect. _I_ should ha' thought, with so many
odds and ends and rubbish lying about as is no use to nobody at present
they might ha' used it up in mending some that only requires a 'arm 'ere
or a leg there, or a 'ed and what not, to make 'em as good as ever. But
ketch _them_ (_he means the Officials_) taking any extra trouble if they
can help it!
HIS COMPANION. Ah, but yer see it ain't so easy fitting on bits that
belonged to something different. You've got to look at it _that_ way.
THE P. M. _I_ don't see no difficulty about it. Why, any stonemason
could cut down the odd pieces to fit well enough, and they wouldn't have
such a neglected appearance as they do now.
_A Group has collected round a Gigantic Arm in red granite._
FIRST SIGHTSEER. There's a _arm_ for yer!
SECOND S. (_a humourist_). Yes; 'ow would yer like to 'ave _that_ come a
punching your 'ed?
THIRD S. (_thoughtfully_). I expect they've put it up 'ere as a sarmple
like.
THE MORALIZING MATRON. How it makes one realize that there were giants
in those days!
HER FRIEND. But surely the size must be a _little_ exaggerated, don't
you think? Oh, is _this_ the God Ptah?
[_The_ M. M. _says nothing, but clicks her tongue to express a grieved
pity, after which she passes on_.
THE INTELLIGENT ARTISAN _and his_ FIANCEE _have entered the Nineveh
Gallery, and are regarding an immense human-headed, winged bull_.
THE I. A. (_indulgently_). Rum-looking sort o' beast that 'ere.
FIANCEE. Ye-es--I wonder if it's a likeness of some animal they used to
'ave then?
THE I. A. I _did_ think you was wider than _that_!--it's only
imaginative. What 'ud be the good o' wings to a bull?
FIANCEE (_on her defence_). You think you know so much--but it's got a
man's 'ed, ain't it? and I know there used to be _'orses_ with 'alf a
man where the 'ed ought to be, because I've seen their pictures--so
there!
THE I. A. I dunno what you've got where _your_ 'ed ought to be, torking
such rot!