A THRIFTY VISITOR (_on entering_). Catalogue? No. What's the use of a
Catalogue? Miserable thing, the size of a tract, that tells you nothing
you don't know!
HIS WIFE (_indicating a pile of Catalogues on table_). Aren't _these_
big enough for you?
THE THR. V. Those? Why they're big enough for the _London Directory_!
Think I'm going to drag a thing like that about the place? You don't
really want a Catalogue--it's all your fancy!
MR. PRATTLER (_to_ MISS AMMERSON). Oh, _do_ stop and look at these
_sweet_ goldfish! Pets! Don't you _love_ them? _Aren't_ they tame?
MISS AMMERSON. Wouldn't do to have them _wild_--might jump out and
_bite_ people, you know!
MR. P. It's _too_ horrid of you to make fun of my poor little
enthusiasms! But really,--couldn't we get something and feed them?--_Do_
let's!
MISS A. I dare say you could get ham-sandwiches in the Restaurant--or
chocolates.
MR. P. How unkind you are to me! But I don't care. (_Wilfully._) I shall
come here all by myself, and bring biscuits. Great big ones! Are you
determined to take me into that big room with all the Portraits? Well
you must tell me who they all are, then, and which are the Guelphiest
ones.
[Illustration: "PETS! DON'T YOU _love_ THEM? _Aren't_ THEY TAME?"]
CONSIDERATE NIECE (_to_ UNCLE). They seem mostly Portraits here. You're
sure you don't _mind_ looking at them, Uncle? I know so many people _do_
object to Portraits.
UNCLE (_with the air of a Christian Martyr_). No, my dear, no; _I_ don't
mind 'em. Stay here as long as you like. I'll sit down and look at the
people till you've done.
FIRST CRITICAL VISITOR (_examining a View of St. James's Park_). I
wonder where that was taken. In Scotland, I expect--there's two
Highlanders there, you see.
SECOND C. V. Shouldn't wonder--lot o' work in that, all those different
colours, and so many dresses. [_Admires, thoughtfully._
A WELL-READ WOMAN. That's Queen Charlotte, that is. George the Third's
wife, you know--her that was so _domestic_.
HER COMPANION. Wasn't that the one that was shut up in the Tower, or
something?
THE W. W. In the Tower? Lor, my dear, no, _I_ never 'eard of it. You're
thinking of the Tudors, or some o' that lot, I expect!
HER COMP. Am I? I dare say. I never _could_ remember 'Istry. Why, if
you'll believe me, I always have to stop and think which of the Georges
came first!
MORE CRITICAL VISITORS (_before Portraits_). He's rather
pleasant-looking, don't you think? I _don't_ like _her_ face at all. So
peculiar. And what a hideous dress--like a tea-gown without any upper
part--frightful!
A SCEPTICAL V. They all seem to have had such thin lips in those days.
Somehow, I _can't_ bring myself to believe in such very thin lips--can
_you_, dear?
HER FRIEND. I always think it's a sign of meanness, myself.
THE S. V. No; but I mean--I can't believe _every one_ had them in the
eighteenth century.
HER FRIEND. Oh, I don't know. If it was the fashion!