settle it as he pleased, telling him it was a matter of very great
indifference to me, as he was to go with me. "That may be true, my
dear," says he, "but I ask you for a reason or two, which I will lay
before you, viz., if we hire a vessel for ourselves, we may set sail
when we please, have the liberty of every part of the ship to ourselves,
and land at what port, either in Holland or France, we might make choice
of. Besides," added he, "another reason I mention it to you is, that I
know you do not love much company, which, in going into the packet-boat,
it is almost impossible to avoid." "I own, my dear," said I, "your
reasons are very good; I have but one thing to say against them, which
is, that the packet-boat, by its frequent voyages, must of course be
furnished with experienced seamen, who know the seas too well even to
run any hazard." (At this juncture the terrible voyage I and Amy made
from France to Harwich came so strong in my mind, that I trembled so as
to be taken notice of by my husband.) "Besides," added I, "the landlord
may send the master of one of them to you, and I think it may be best to
hire the state cabin, as they call it, to ourselves, by which method we
shall avoid company, without we have an inclination to associate
ourselves with such passengers we may happen to like; and the expense
will be much cheaper than hiring a vessel to go the voyage with us
alone, and every whit as safe."
The Quaker, who had seriously listened to our discourse, gave it as her
opinion that the method I had proposed was by far the safest, quickest,
and cheapest. "Not," said she, "as I think thou wouldest be against any
necessary expense, though I am certain thou wouldest not fling thy money
away."
Soon after, my husband ordered the landlord to send for one of the
masters of the packet-boats, of whom he hired the great cabin, and
agreed to sail from thence the next day, if the wind and the tide
answered.
The settling our method of going over sea had taken up the time till the
dinner was ready, which we being informed of, came out of a chamber we
had been in all the morning, to a handsome parlour, where everything was
placed suitable to our rank; there was a large, old-fashioned service of
plate, and a sideboard genteelly set off. The dinner was excellent, and
well dressed.
After dinner, we entered into another discourse, which was the hiring of
servants to go with us from Dover to Paris; a thing frequently done by
travellers; and such are to be met with at every stage inn. Our footmen
set out this morning on their return to London, and the Quaker and coach
was to go the next day. My new chambermaid, whose name was Isabel, was
to go through the journey, on condition of doing no other business than
waiting on me. In a while we partly concluded to let the hiring of
men-servants alone till we came to Calais, for they could be of no use
to us on board a ship, the sailor's or cabin boy's place being to attend
the cabin passengers as well as his master.
To divert ourselves, we took a walk after we had dined, round about the
town, and coming to the garrison, and being somewhat thirsty, all went
into the sutler's for a glass of wine. A pint was called for and
brought; but the man of the house came in with it raving like a madman,
saying, "Don't you think you are a villain, to ask for a pot of ale when
I know you have spent all your money, and are ignorant of the means of
getting more, without you hear of a place, which I look upon to be very
unlikely?" "Don't be in such a passion, landlord," said my husband.
"Pray, what is the matter?" "Oh, nothing, sir," says he; "but a young
fellow in the sutling room, whom I find to have been a gentleman's
servant, wants a place; and having spent all his money, would willingly
run up a score with me, knowing I must get him a master if ever I intend
to have my money." "Pray, sir," said my husband, "send the young fellow
to me; if I like him, and can agree with him, it is possible I may take
him into my service." The landlord took care we should not speak to him
twice, he went and fetched him in himself, and my husband examined him
before he spoke, as to his size, mien, and garb. The young man was clean
dressed, of a middling stature, a dark complexion, and about
twenty-seven years old.
"I hear, young man," says he to him, "that you want a place; it may
perhaps be in my power to serve you. Let me know at once what education
you have had, if you have any family belonging to you, or if you are fit
for a gentleman's service, can bring any person of reputation to your
character, and are willing to go and live in Holland with me: we will
not differ about your wages."
The young fellow made a respectful bow to each of us, and addressed
himself to my husband as follows: "Sir," said he, "in me you behold the
eldest child of misfortune. I am but young, as you may see; I have no
comers after me, and having lived with several gentlemen, some of whom
are on their travels, others settled in divers parts of the world,
besides what are dead, makes me unable to produce a character without a
week's notice to write to London, and I should not doubt but by the
return of the post to let you see some letters as would satisfy you in
any doubts about me. My education," continued he, "is but very middling,
being taken from school before I had well learnt to read, write, and
cast accounts; and as to my parentage, I cannot well give you any
account of them: all that I know is, that my father was a brewer, and by
his extravagance ran out a handsome fortune, and afterwards left my poor
mother almost penniless, with five small children, of which I was the
second, though not above five years old. My mother knew not what to do
with us, so she sent a poor girl, our maid, whose name I have forgot
this many years, with us all to a relation's, and there left us, and I
never saw or heard of or from them any more. Indeed, I inquired among
the neighbours, and all that I could learn was that my mother's goods
were seized, that she was obliged to apply to the parish for relief, and
died of grief soon after. For my part," says he, "I was put into the
hands of my father's sister, where, by her cruel usage, I was forced to
run away at nine years of age; and the numerous scenes of life I have
since gone through are more than would fill a small volume. Pray, sir,"
added he, "let it satisfy you that I am thoroughly honest, and should be
glad to serve you at any rate; and although I cannot possibly get a good
character from anybody at present, yet I defy the whole world to give me
an ill one, either in public or private life."
If I had had the eyes of Argus I should have seen with them all on this
occasion. I knew that this was my son, and one that, among all my
inquiry, I could never get any account of. The Quaker seeing my colour
come and go, and also tremble, said, "I verily believe thou art not
well; I hope this Kentish air, which was always reckoned aguish, does
not hurt thee?" "I am taken very sick of a sudden," said I; "so pray let
me go to our inn that I may go to my chamber." Isabel being called in,
she and the Quaker attended me there, leaving the young fellow with my
spouse. When I was got into my chamber I was seized with such a grief as
I had never known before; and flinging myself down upon the bed, burst
into a flood of tears, and soon after fainted away. Soon after, I came a
little to myself, and the Quaker begged of me to tell her what was the
cause of my sudden indisposition. "Nothing at all," says I, "as I know
of; but a sudden chilliness seized my blood, and that, joined to a
fainting of the spirits, made me ready to sink."
Presently after my husband came to see how I did, and finding me
somewhat better, he told me that he had a mind to hire the young man I
had left him with, for he believed he was honest and fit for our
service. "My dear," says I, "I did not mind him. I would desire you to
be cautious who we pick up on the road; but as I have the satisfaction
of hiring my maids, I shall never trouble myself with the men-servants,
that is wholly your province. However," added I (for I was very certain
he was my son, and was resolved to have him in my service, though it was
my interest to keep my husband off, in order to bring him on), "if you
like the fellow, I am not averse to your hiring one servant in England.
We are not obliged to trust him with much before we see his conduct,
and if he does not prove as you may expect, you may turn him off
whenever you please." "I believe," said my husband, "he has been
ingenuous in his relation to me; and as a man who has seen great variety
of life, and may have been the shuttlecock of fortune, the butt of envy,
and the mark of malice, I will hire him when he comes to me here anon,
as I have ordered him."
As I knew he was to be hired, I resolved to be out of the way when he
came to my husband; so about five o'clock I proposed to the Quaker to
take a walk on the pier and see the shipping, while the tea-kettle was
boiling. We went, and took Isabel with us, and as we were going along I
saw my son Thomas (as I shall for the future call him) going to our inn;
so we stayed out about an hour, and when we returned my husband told me
he had hired the man, and that he was to come to him as a servant on the
morrow morning. "Pray, my dear," said I, "did you ask where he ever
lived, or what his name is?" "Yes," replied my husband, "he says his
name is Thomas ----; and as to places, he has mentioned several families
of note, and among others, he lived at my Lord ----'s, next door to the
great French lady's in Pall Mall, whose name he tells me was Roxana." I
was now in a sad dilemma, and was fearful I should be known by my own
son; and the Quaker took notice of it, and afterwards told me she
believed fortune had conspired that all the people I became acquainted
with, should have known the Lady Roxana. "I warrant," said she, "this
young fellow is somewhat acquainted with the impertinent wench that
calls herself thy daughter."
I was very uneasy in mind, but had one thing in my favour, which was
always to keep myself at a very great distance from my servants; and as
the Quaker was to part with us the next day or night, he would have
nobody to mention the name Roxana to, and so of course it would drop.
We supped pretty late at night, and were very merry, for my husband said
all the pleasant things he could think of, to divert me from the
supposed illness he thought I had been troubled with in the day. The
Quaker kept up the discourse with great spirit, and I was glad to
receive the impression, for I wanted the real illness to be drove out of
my head.
The next morning, after breakfast, Thomas came to his new place. He
appeared very clean, and brought with him a small bundle, which I
supposed to be linen tied up in a handkerchief. My husband sent him to
order some porters belonging to the quay to fetch our boxes to the
Custom-house, where they were searched, for which we paid one shilling;
and he had orders to give a crown for head money, as they called it;
their demand by custom is but sixpence a head, but we appeared to our
circumstances in everything. As soon as our baggage was searched, it was
carried from the Custom-house on board the packet-boat, and there
lodged in the great cabin as we had ordered it.
This took up the time till dinner, and when we were sitting together
after we had both dined, the captain came to tell us that the wind was
very fair, and that he was to sail at high water, which would be about
ten o'clock at night. My husband asked him to stay and drink part of a
bottle of wine with him, which he did; and their discourse being all in
the maritime strain, the Quaker and I retired and left them together,
for I had something to remind her of in our discourse before we left
London. When we got into the garden, which was rather neat than fine, I
repeated all my former requests to her about my children, Spitalfields,
Amy, &c., and we sat talking together till Thomas was sent to tell us
the captain was going, on which we returned; but, by the way, I kissed
her and put a large gold medal into her hand, as a token of my sincere
love, and desired that she would never neglect the things she had
promised to perform, and her repeated promise gave me great
satisfaction.
The captain, who was going out of the parlour as we returned in, was
telling my husband he would send six of his hands to conduct us to the
boat, about a quarter of an hour before he sailed, and as the moon was
at the full, he did not doubt of a pleasant passage.
Our next business was to pay off the coachman, to whom my husband gave
half a guinea extraordinary, to set the Quaker down at the house he
took us all up at, which he promised to perform.
As it was low water, we went on board to see the cabin that we were to
go our voyage in, and the captain would detain us to drink a glass of
the best punch, I think, I ever tasted.
When we returned to the inn, we ordered supper to be ready by eight
o'clock, that we might drink a parting glass to settle it, before we
went on board; for my husband, who knew the sea very well, said a full
stomach was the forerunner of sea-sickness, which I was willing to
avoid.
We invited the landlord, his wife, and daughter, to supper with us, and
having sat about an hour afterwards, the captain himself, with several
sailors, came to fetch us to the vessel. As all was paid, we had nothing
to hinder us but taking a final leave of the Quaker, who would go to see
us safe in the vessel, where tears flowed from both our eyes; and I
turned short in the boat, while my husband took his farewell, and he
then followed me, and I never saw the Quaker or England any more.
We were no sooner on board than we hoisted sail; the anchors being up,
and the wind fair, we cut the waves at a great rate, till about four
o'clock in the morning, when a French boat came to fetch the mail to
carry it to the post-house, and the boat cast her anchors, for we were a
good distance from the shore, neither could we sail to the town till
next tide, the present one being too far advanced in the ebb.
We might have gone on shore in the boat that carried the mail, but my
husband was sleeping in the cabin when it came to the packet-boat, and I
did not care to disturb him; however, we had an opportunity soon after,
for my husband awaking, and two other boats coming up with oars to see
for passengers, Thomas came to let us know we might go on shore, if we
pleased. My husband paid the master of the packet-boat for our passage,
and Thomas, with the sailors' assistance, got our boxes into the wherry,
so we sailed for Calais; but before our boat came to touch ground,
several men, whose bread I suppose it is, rushed into the water, without
shoes or stockings, to carry us on shore; so having paid ten shillings
for the wherry, we each of us was carried from the boat to the land by
two men, and our goods brought after us; here was a crown to be paid, to
save ourselves from being wet, by all which a man that is going a
travelling may see that it is not the bare expense of the packet-boat
that will carry him to Calais.
It would be needless to inform the reader of all the ceremonies that we
passed through at this place before we were suffered to proceed on our
journey; however, our boxes having been searched at the Custom-house, my
husband had them plumbed, as they called it, to hinder any further
inquiry about them; and we got them all to the Silver Lion, a noted inn,
and the post-house of this place, where we took a stage-coach for
ourselves, and the next morning, having well refreshed ourselves, we
all, viz., my husband, self, and chambermaid within the coach, and
Thomas behind (beside which my husband hired two horsemen well armed,
who were pretty expensive, to travel with us), set forward on our
journey.
We were five days on our journey from Calais to Paris, which we went
through with much satisfaction, for, having fine weather and good
attendance, we had nothing to hope for.
When we arrived at Paris (I began to be sorry I had ever proposed going
to it for fear of being known, but as we were to stay there but a few
days, I was resolved to keep very retired), we went to a merchant's
house of my husband's acquaintance in the Rue de la Bourle, near the
Carmelites, in the Faubourg de St. Jacques.
This being a remote part of the city, on the south side, and near
several pleasant gardens, I thought it would be proper to be a little
indisposed, that my husband might not press me to go with him to see the
curiosities; for he could do the most needful business, such as going to
the bankers to exchange bills, despatching of letters, settling affairs
with merchants, &c., without my assistance; and I had a tolerable plea
for my conduct, such as the great fatigue of our journey, being among
strangers, &c.; so we stayed at Paris eight days without my going to any
particular places, except going one day to the gardens of Luxembourg,
another to the church of Notre Dame on the Isle of Paris, a third to the
Hôtel Royale des Invalides, a fourth to the gardens of the Tuileries, a
fifth to the suburbs of St. Lawrence, to see the fair which was then
holding there; a sixth to the gardens of the Louvre, a seventh to the
playhouse, and the eighth stayed all day at home to write a letter to
the Quaker, letting her know where I then was, and how soon we should go
forwards in our journey, but did not mention where we intended to
settle, as, indeed, we had not yet settled that ourselves.
One of the days, viz., that in which I went to the gardens of the
Tuileries, I asked Thomas several questions about his father, mother,
and other relations, being resolved, notwithstanding he was my own son,
as he did not know it, to turn him off by some stratagem or another, if
he had any manner of memory of me, either as his mother, or the Lady
Roxana. I asked him if he had any particular memory of his mother or
father; he answered, "No, I scarce remember anything of either of them,"
said he, "but I have heard from several people that I had one brother
and three sisters, though I never saw them all, to know them,
notwithstanding I lived with an aunt four years; I often asked after my
mother, and some people said she went away with a man, but it was
allowed by most people, that best knew her, that she, being brought to
the greatest distress, was carried to the workhouse belonging to the
parish, where she died soon after with grief."
Nothing could give me more satisfaction than what Thomas had related; so
now, I thought I would ask about the Lady Roxana (for he had been my
next-door neighbour when I had that title conferred on me). "Pray,
Thomas," said I, "did not you speak of a great person of quality, whose
name I have forgot, that lived next door to my Lord ----'s when you was
his valet? pray who was she? I suppose a foreigner, by the name you
called her." "Really, my lady," replied he, "I do not know who she was;
all I can say of her is, that she kept the greatest company, and was a
beautiful woman, by report, but I never saw her; she was called the Lady
Roxana, was a very good mistress, but her character was not so good as
to private life as it ought to be. Though I once had an opportunity,"
continued he, "of seeing a fine outlandish dress she danced in before
the king, which I took as a great favour, for the cook took me up when
the lady was out, and she desired my lady's woman to show it to me."
All this answered right, and I had nothing to do but to keep my Turkish
dress out of the way, to be myself unknown to my child, for as he had
never seen Roxana, so he knew nothing of me.
In the interval, my husband had hired a stage-coach to carry us to the
city of Menin, where he intended to go by water down the river Lys to
Ghent, and there take coach to Isabella fort, opposite the city of
Anvers, and cross the river to that place, and go from thence by land to
Breda; and as he had agreed and settled this patrol, I was satisfied,
and we set out next day. We went through several handsome towns and
villages before we took water, but by water we went round part of the
city of Courtrai, and several fortified towns. At Anvers we hired a
coach to Breda, where we stayed two days to refresh ourselves, for we
had been very much fatigued; as Willemstadt was situated so as to be
convenient for our taking water for Rotterdam, we went there, and being
shipped, had a safe and speedy voyage to that city.
As we had resolved in our journey to settle at the Hague, we did not
intend to stay any longer at Rotterdam, than while my husband had all
our wealth delivered to him from the several merchants he had consigned
it to. This business took up a month, during which time we lived in
ready-furnished lodgings on the Great Quay, where all the respect was
shown us as was due to our quality.
Here my husband hired two more men-servants, and I took two maids, and
turned Isabel, who was a well-bred, agreeable girl, into my companion;
but that I might not be too much fatigued, my husband went to the Hague
first, and left me, with three maids and Thomas, at Rotterdam, while he
took a house, furnished it, and had everything ready for my reception,
which was done with great expedition. One of his footmen came with a
letter to me one morning, to let me know his master would come by the
scow next day to take me home, in which he desired that I would prepare
for my departure. I soon got everything ready, and the next morning, on
the arrival of the scow, I saw my husband; and we both, with all the
servants, left the city of Rotterdam, and safely got to the Hague the
afternoon following.
It was now the servants had notice given them to call me by the name of
"my lady," as the honour of baronetage had entitled me, and with which
title I was pretty well satisfied, but should have been more so had not
I yet the higher title of countess in view.
I now lived in a place where I knew nobody, neither was I known, on
which I was pretty careful whom I became acquainted with; our
circumstances were very good, my husband loving, to the greatest degree,
my servants respectful; and, in short, I lived the happiest life woman
could enjoy, had my former crimes never crept into my guilty conscience.
I was in this happy state of life when I wrote a letter to the Quaker,
in which I gave her a direction where she might send to me. And about a
fortnight after, as I was one afternoon stepping into my coach in order
to take an airing, the postman came to our door with letters, one of
which was directed to me, and as soon as I saw it was the Quaker's hand,
I bid the coachman put up again, and went into my closet to read the
contents, which were as follows: