with me; the honour and sincerity with which he had always treated me,
and, above all, the fidelity he had showed me at Paris, and that I owed
my life to him--I say, all these stared in my face, and I frequently
argued with myself upon the obligation I was under to him, and how base
would it be now too, after so many obligations and engagements, to cast
him off.
But the title of highness, and of a princess, and all those fine things,
as they came in, weighed down all this; and the sense of gratitude
vanished as if it had been a shadow.
At other times I considered the wealth I was mistress of; that I was
able to live like a princess, though not a princess; and that my
merchant (for he had told me all the affair of his misfortunes) was far
from being poor, or even mean; that together we were able to make up an
estate of between three and four thousand pounds a year, which was in
itself equal to some princes abroad. But though this was true, yet the
name of princess, and the flutter of it--in a word, the pride--weighed
them down; and all these arguings generally ended to the disadvantage of
my merchant; so that, in short, I resolved to drop him, and give him a
final answer at his next coming; namely, that something had happened in
my affairs which had caused me to alter my measures unexpectedly, and,
in a word, to desire him to trouble himself no farther.
I think, verily, this rude treatment of him was for some time the effect
of a violent fermentation in my blood; for the very motion which the
steady contemplation of my fancied greatness had put my spirits into had
thrown me into a kind of fever, and I scarce knew what I did.
I have wondered since that it did not make me mad; nor do I now think it
strange to hear of those who have been quite lunatic with their pride,
that fancied themselves queens and empresses, and have made their
attendants serve them upon the knee, given visitors their hand to kiss,
and the like; for certainly, if pride will not turn the brain, nothing
can.
However, the next time my gentleman came, I had not courage enough, or
not ill nature enough, to treat him in the rude manner I had resolved to
do, and it was very well I did not; for soon after, I had another letter
from Amy, in which was the mortifying news, and indeed surprising to me,
that my prince (as I, with a secret pleasure, had called him) was very
much hurt by a bruise he had received in hunting and engaging with a
wild boar, a cruel and desperate sport which the noblemen of Germany, it
seems, much delight in.
This alarmed me indeed, and the more because Amy wrote me word that his
gentleman was gone away express to him, not without apprehensions that
he should find his master was dead before his coming home; but that he
(the gentleman) had promised her that as soon as he arrived he would
send back the same courier to her with an account of his master's
health, and of the main affair; and that he had obliged Amy to stay at
Paris fourteen days for his return; she having promised him before to
make it her business to go to England and to find me out for his lord if
he sent her such orders; and he was to send her a bill for fifty
pistoles for her journey. So Amy told me she waited for the answer.
This was a blow to me several ways; for, first, I was in a state of
uncertainty as to his person, whether he was alive or dead; and I was
not unconcerned in that part, I assure you; for I had an inexpressible
affection remaining for his person, besides the degree to which it was
revived by the view of a firmer interest in him. But this was not all,
for in losing him I forever lost the prospect of all the gaiety and
glory that had made such an impression upon my imagination.
In this state of uncertainty, I say, by Amy's letter, I was like still
to remain another fortnight; and had I now continued the resolution of
using my merchant in the rude manner I once intended, I had made perhaps
a sorry piece of work of it indeed, and it was very well my heart failed
me as it did.
However, I treated him with a great many shuffles, and feigned stories
to keep him off from any closer conferences than we had already had,
that I might act afterwards as occasion might offer, one way or other.
But that which mortified me most was, that Amy did not write, though the
fourteen days were expired. At last, to my great surprise, when I was,
with the utmost impatience, looking out at the window, expecting the
postman that usually brought the foreign letters--I say I was agreeably
surprised to see a coach come to the yard-gate where we lived, and my
woman Amy alight out of it and come towards the door, having the
coachman bringing several bundles after her.
I flew like lightning downstairs to speak to her, but was soon damped
with her news. "Is the prince alive or dead, Amy?" says I. She spoke
coldly and slightly. "He is alive, madam," said she. "But it is not much
matter; I had as lieu he had been dead." So we went upstairs again to my
chamber, and there we began a serious discourse of the whole matter.
First, she told me a long story of his being hurt by a wild boar, and of
the condition he was reduced to, so that every one expected he should
die, the anguish of the wound having thrown him into a fever, with
abundance of circumstances too long to relate here; how he recovered of
that extreme danger, but continued very weak; how the gentleman had been
_homme de parole_, and had sent back the courier as punctually as if it
had been to the king; that he had given a long account of his lord, and
of his illness and recovery; but the sum of the matter, as to me, was,
that as to the lady, his lord was turned penitent, was under some vows
for his recovery, and could not think any more on that affair; and
especially, the lady being gone, and that it had not been offered to
her, so there was no breach of honour; but that his lord was sensible of
the good offices of Mrs. Amy, and had sent her the fifty pistoles for
her trouble, as if she had really gone the journey.
I was, I confess, hardly able to bear the first surprise of this
disappointment. Amy saw it, and gapes out (as was her way), "Lawd,
madam! never be concerned at it; you see he is gotten among the priests,
and I suppose they have saucily imposed some penance upon him, and, it
may be, sent him of an errand barefoot to some Madonna or Nôtredame, or
other; and he is off of his amours for the present. I'll warrant you
he'll be as wicked again as ever he was when he is got thorough well,
and gets but out of their hands again. I hate this out-o'-season
repentance. What occasion had he, in his repentance, to be off of taking
a good wife? I should have been glad to see you have been a princess,
and all that; but if it can't be, never afflict yourself; you are rich
enough to be a princess to yourself; you don't want him, that's the best
of it."
Well, I cried for all that, and was heartily vexed, and that a great
while; but as Amy was always at my elbow, and always jogging it out of
my head with her mirth and her wit, it wore off again.
Then I told Amy all the story of my merchant, and how he had found me
out when I was in such a concern to find him; how it was true that he
lodged in St. Laurence Pountney's Lane; and how I had had all the story
of his misfortune, which she had heard of, in which he had lost above
£8000 sterling; and that he had told me frankly of it before she had
sent me any account of it, or at least before I had taken any notice
that I had heard of it.
Amy was very joyful at that part. "Well, madam, then," says Amy, "what
need you value the story of the prince, and going I know not whither
into Germany to lay your bones in another world, and learn the devil's
language, called High Dutch? You are better here by half," says Amy.
"Lawd, madam!" says she; "why, are you not as rich as Croesus?"
Well, it was a great while still before I could bring myself off of this
fancied sovereignty; and I, that was so willing once to be mistress to a
king, was now ten thousand times more fond of being wife to a prince.
So fast a hold has pride and ambition upon our minds, that when once it
gets admission, nothing is so chimerical but, under this possession, we
can form ideas of in our fancy and realise to our imagination. Nothing
can be so ridiculous as the simple steps we take in such cases; a man or
a woman becomes a mere _malade imaginaire_, and, I believe, may as
easily die with grief or run mad with joy (as the affair in his fancy
appears right or wrong) as if all was real, and actually under the
management of the person.
I had indeed two assistants to deliver me from this snare, and these
were, first, Amy, who knew my disease, but was able to do nothing as to
the remedy; the second, the merchant, who really brought the remedy, but
knew nothing of the distemper.
I remember, when all these disorders were upon my thoughts, in one of
the visits my friend the merchant made me, he took notice that he
perceived I was under some unusual disorder; he believed, he said, that
my distemper, whatever it was, lay much in my head, and it being summer
weather and very hot, proposed to me to go a little way into the air.
I started at his expression. "What!" says I; "do you think, then, that I
am crazed? You should, then, propose a madhouse for my cure." "No, no,"
says he, "I do not mean anything like that; I hope the head may be
distempered and not the brain." Well, I was too sensible that he was
right, for I knew I had acted a strange, wild kind of part with him; but
he insisted upon it, and pressed me to go into the country. I took him
short again. "What need you," says I, "send me out of your way? It is in
your power to be less troubled with me, and with less inconvenience to
us both."
He took that ill, and told me I used to have a better opinion of his
sincerity, and desired to know what he had done to forfeit my charity.
I mention this only to let you see how far I had gone in my measures of
quitting him--that is to say, how near I was of showing him how base,
ungrateful, and how vilely I could act; but I found I had carried the
jest far enough, and that a little matter might have made him sick of me
again, as he was before; so I began by little and little to change my
way of talking to him, and to come to discourse to the purpose again as
we had done before.
A while after this, when we were very merry and talking familiarly
together, he called me, with an air of particular satisfaction, his
princess. I coloured at the word, for it indeed touched me to the quick;
but he knew nothing of the reason of my being touched with it. "What
d'ye mean by that?" said I. "Nay," says he, "I mean nothing but that you
are a princess to me." "Well," says I, "as to that I am content, and yet
I could tell you I might have been a princess if I would have quitted
you, and believe I could be so still." "It is not in my power to make
you a princess," says he, "but I can easily make you a lady here in
England, and a countess too if you will go out of it."
I heard both with a great deal of satisfaction, for my pride remained
though it had been balked, and I thought with myself that this proposal
would make me some amends for the loss of the title that had so tickled
my imagination another way, and I was impatient to understand what he
meant, but I would not ask him by any means; so it passed off for that
time.
When he was gone I told Amy what he had said, and Amy was as impatient
to know the manner how it could be as I was; but the next time
(perfectly unexpected to me) he told me that he had accidentally
mentioned a thing to me last time he was with me, having not the least
thought of the thing itself; but not knowing but such a thing might be
of some weight to me, and that it might bring me respect among people
where I might appear, he had thought since of it, and was resolved to
ask me about it.
I made light of it, and told him that, as he knew I had chosen a retired
life, it was of no value to me to be called lady or countess either; but
that if he intended to drag me, as I might call it, into the world
again, perhaps it might be agreeable to him; but, besides that, I could
not judge of the thing, because I did not understand how either of them
was to be done.
He told me that money purchased titles of honour in almost all parts of
the world, though money could not give principles of honour, they must
come by birth and blood; that, however, titles sometimes assist to
elevate the soul and to infuse generous principles into the mind, and
especially where there was a good foundation laid in the persons; that
he hoped we should neither of us misbehave if we came to it; and that as
we knew how to wear a title without undue elevations, so it might sit as
well upon us as on another; that as to England, he had nothing to do
but to get an act of naturalisation in his favour, and he knew where to
purchase a patent for baronet--that is say, to have the honour and title
transferred to him; but if I intended to go abroad with him, he had a
nephew, the son of his eldest brother, who had the title of count, with
the estate annexed, which was but small, and that he had frequently
offered to make it over to him for a thousand pistoles, which was not a
great deal of money, and considering it was in the family already, he
would, upon my being willing, purchase it immediately.
I told him I liked the last best, but then I would not let him buy it
unless he would let me pay the thousand pistoles. "No, no," says he, "I
refused a thousand pistoles that I had more right to have accepted than
that, and you shall not be at so much expense now." "Yes," says I, "you
did refuse it, and perhaps repented it afterwards." "I never
complained," said he. "But I did," says I, "and often repented it for
you." "I do not understand you," says he. "Why," said I, "I repented
that I suffered you to refuse it." "Well, well," said he, "we may talk
of that hereafter, when you shall resolve which part of the world you
will make your settled residence in." Here he talked very handsomely to
me, and for a good while together; how it had been his lot to live all
his days out of his native country, and to be often shifting and
changing the situation of his affairs; and that I myself had not always
had a fixed abode, but that now, as neither of us was very young, he
fancied I would be for taking up our abode where, if possible, we might
remove no more; that as to his part, he was of that opinion entirely,
only with this exception, that the choice of the place should be mine,
for that all places in the world were alike to him, only with this
single addition, namely, that I was with him.
I heard him with a great deal of pleasure, as well for his being willing
to give me the choice as for that I resolved to live abroad, for the
reason I have mentioned already, namely, lest I should at any time be
known in England, and all that story of Roxana and the balls should come
out; as also I was not a little tickled with the satisfaction of being
still a countess, though I could not be a princess.
I told Amy all this story, for she was still my privy councillor; but
when I asked her opinion, she made me laugh heartily. "Now, which of the
two shall I take, Amy?" said I. "Shall I be a lady--that is, a baronet's
lady in England, or a countess in Holland?" The ready-witted jade, that
knew the pride of my temper too, almost as well as I did myself,
answered (without the least hesitation), "Both, madam. Which of them?"
says she (repeating the words). "Why not both of them? and then you will
be really a princess; for, sure, to be a lady in English and a countess
in Dutch may make a princess in High Dutch." Upon the whole, though Amy
was in jest, she put the thought into my head, and I resolved that, in
short, I would be both of them, which I managed as you shall hear.
First, I seemed to resolve that I would live and settle in England, only
with this condition, namely, that I would not live in London. I
pretended that it would choke me up; that I wanted breath when I was in
London, but that anywhere else I would be satisfied; and then I asked
him whether any seaport town in England would not suit him; because I
knew, though he seemed to leave off, he would always love to be among
business, and conversing with men of business; and I named several
places, either nearest for business with France or with Holland; as
Dover or Southampton, for the first; and Ipswich, or Yarmouth, or Hull
for the last; but I took care that we would resolve upon nothing; only
by this it seemed to be certain that we should live in England.
It was time now to bring things to a conclusion, and so in about six
weeks' time more we settled all our preliminaries; and, among the rest,
he let me know that he should have the bill for his naturalisation
passed time enough, so that he would be (as he called it) an Englishman
before we married. That was soon perfected, the Parliament being then
sitting, and several other foreigners joining in the said bill to save
the expense.
It was not above three or four days after, but that, without giving me
the least notice that he had so much as been about the patent for
baronet, he brought it me in a fine embroidered bag, and saluting me by
the name of my Lady ---- (joining his own surname to it), presented it
to me with his picture set with diamonds, and at the same time gave me a
breast-jewel worth a thousand pistoles, and the next morning we were
married. Thus I put an end to all the intriguing part of my life--a life
full of prosperous wickedness; the reflections upon which were so much
the more afflicting as the time had been spent in the grossest crimes,
which, the more I looked back upon, the more black and horrid they
appeared, effectually drinking up all the comfort and satisfaction which
I might otherwise have taken in that part of life which was still before
me.
The first satisfaction, however, that I took in the new condition I was
in was in reflecting that at length the life of crime was over, and that
I was like a passenger coming back from the Indies, who, having, after
many years' fatigues and hurry in business, gotten a good estate, with
innumerable difficulties and hazards, is arrived safe at London with all
his effects, and has the pleasure of saying he shall never venture upon
the seas any more.
When we were married we came back immediately to my lodgings (for the
church was but just by), and we were so privately married that none but
Amy and my friend the Quaker was acquainted with it. As soon as we came
into the house he took me in his arms, and kissing me, "Now you are my
own," says he. "Oh that you had been so good to have done this eleven
years ago!" "Then," said I, "you, perhaps, would have been tired of me
long ago; it is much better now, for now all our happy days are to come.
Besides," said I, "I should not have been half so rich;" but that I said
to myself, for there was no letting him into the reason of it. "Oh!"
says he, "I should not have been tired of you; but, besides having the
satisfaction of your company, it had saved me that unlucky blow at
Paris, which was a dead loss to me of above eight thousand pistoles, and
all the fatigues of so many years' hurry and business;" and then he
added, "But I'll make you pay for it all, now I have you." I started a
little at the words. "Ay," said I, "do you threaten already? Pray what
d'ye mean by that?" and began to look a little grave.
"I'll tell you," says he, "very plainly what I mean;" and still he held
me fast in his arms. "I intend from this time never to trouble myself
with any more business, so I shall never get one shilling for you more
than I have already; all that you will lose one way. Next, I intend not
to trouble myself with any of the care or trouble of managing what
either you have for me or what I have to add to it; but you shall e'en
take it all upon yourself, as the wives do in Holland; so you will pay
for it that way too, for all the drudgery shall be yours. Thirdly, I
intend to condemn you to the constant bondage of my impertinent company,
for I shall tie you like a pedlar's pack at my back. I shall scarce
ever be from you; for I am sure I can take delight in nothing else in
this world." "Very well," says I; "but I am pretty heavy. I hope you'll
set me down sometimes when you are aweary." "As for that," says he,
"tire me if you can."
This was all jest and allegory; but it was all true, in the moral of the
fable, as you shall hear in its place. We were very merry the rest of
the day, but without any noise or clutter; for he brought not one of his
acquaintance or friends, either English or foreigner. The honest Quaker
provided us a very noble dinner indeed, considering how few we were to
eat it; and every day that week she did the like, and would at last have
it be all at her own charge, which I was utterly averse to; first,
because I knew her circumstances not to be very great, though not very
low; and next, because she had been so true a friend, and so cheerful a
comforter to me, ay, and counsellor too, in all this affair, that I had
resolved to make her a present that should be some help to her when all
was over.
But to return to the circumstances of our wedding. After being very
merry, as I have told you, Amy and the Quaker put us to bed, the honest
Quaker little thinking we had been abed together eleven years before.
Nay, that was a secret which, as it happened, Amy herself did not know.
Amy grinned and made faces, as if she had been pleased; but it came out
in so many words, when he was not by, the sum of her mumbling and
muttering was, that this should have been done ten or a dozen years
before; that it would signify little now; that was to say, in short,
that her mistress was pretty near fifty, and too old to have any
children. I chid her; the Quaker laughed, complimented me upon my not
being so old as Amy pretended, that I could not be above forty, and
might have a house full of children yet. But Amy and I too knew better
than she how it was, for, in short, I was old enough to have done
breeding, however I looked; but I made her hold her tongue.
In the morning my Quaker landlady came and visited us before we were up,
and made us eat cakes and drink chocolate in bed; and then left us
again, and bid us take a nap upon it, which I believe we did. In short,
she treated us so handsomely, and with such an agreeable cheerfulness,
as well as plenty, as made it appear to me that Quakers may, and that
this Quaker did, understand good manners as well as any other people.
I resisted her offer, however, of treating us for the whole week; and I
opposed it so long that I saw evidently that she took it ill, and would
have thought herself slighted if we had not accepted it. So I said no
more, but let her go on, only told her I would be even with her; and so
I was. However, for that week she treated us as she said she would, and
did it so very fine, and with such a profusion of all sorts of good
things, that the greatest burthen to her was how to dispose of things
that were left; for she never let anything, how dainty or however large,
be so much as seen twice among us.
I had some servants indeed, which helped her off a little; that is to
say, two maids, for Amy was now a woman of business, not a servant, and
ate always with us. I had also a coachman and a boy. My Quaker had a
man-servant too, but had but one maid; but she borrowed two more of some
of her friends for the occasion, and had a man-cook for dressing the
victuals.
She was only at a loss for plate, which she gave me a whisper of; and I
made Amy fetch a large strong-box, which I had lodged in a safe hand, in
which was all the fine plate which I had provided on a worse occasion,
as is mentioned before; and I put it into the Quaker's hand, obliging
her not to use it as mine, but as her own, for a reason I shall mention
presently.
I was now my Lady ----, and I must own I was exceedingly pleased with
it; 'twas so big and so great to hear myself called "her ladyship," and
"your ladyship," and the like, that I was like the Indian king at
Virginia, who, having a house built for him by the English, and a lock
put upon the door, would sit whole days together with the key in his
hand, locking and unlocking, and double-locking, the door, with an
unaccountable pleasure at the novelty; so I could have sat a whole day
together to hear Amy talk to me, and call me "your ladyship" at every
word; but after a while the novelty wore off and the pride of it abated,
till at last truly I wanted the other title as much as I did that of
ladyship before.