An interesting meeting was held at the Memorial Hall last Saturday in
order to discuss schemes of brightening the nomenclature of British
musicians.
Sir FREDERIC COWEN, who presided, said that whereas in the last century
it was the common practice of British singers to Italianize their
surnames, we had now gone to the opposite extreme of an aggressive
insularity. He thought that a compromise between the two entremes was
feasible, by which a certain element of picturesqueness might be
introduced into our programmes without exposing us to the charge of
deliberately seeking to denationalise ourselves.
Sir HENRY WOOD suggested that the method of the anagram or palindrome
yielded very happy results. Nobody could be charged with running away
from his name if he merely turned it upside down or inside out. For
instance, Miss MURIEL FOSTER would become Miss Leirum Retsof, which had
a pleasantly Slavonic sound, while Mr. HAMILTON HARTY would reappear in
the impressive form of Mr. Notlimah Ytrah.
Miss CARRIE TUBB protested vigorously against the proposal, on the
ground that, if it were adopted, her name would sound just like Butt,
which was already that of a contralto singer. (Sensation.)
Madame CLARA BUTT supported the protest, pointing out that, if the
suggestion were acted on, her name would sound just like Tubb, which was
that of a soprano vocalist. (Great sensation.)
Professor GRANVILLE BANTOCK pleaded eloquently for calling in the
glamour of the East to illuminate the drab monotony of our Anglo-Saxon
surnames. He was quite ready to be known in future as Bantockjee or
Bangkok, if the sense of the meeting was in favour of the change--always
subject, of course, to the consent of Sir OLIVER LODGE, the Principal of
Birmingham University. (Loud cheers.)
Mr. DELIUS was strongly opposed to any change of nomenclature being made
compulsory. He was quite sure that he would not compose nearly so well
under, _e.g._, the alias of De Lara. In any case, artists should be
safeguarded against the appropriation of their names by others.
Mr. ALGERNON ASHTON (who was greeted with soft music on muted violins)
deprecated all unseemly pranks. Nothing would induce him to change his
patronymic or turn it upside down or inside out.
Mr. LANDON RONALD expressed sympathy with musicians who were handicapped
by cacophonous or undignified names. For example, a singer called
Hewlett or Ball laboured under a serious disadvantage when competing
with artistes blessed with melodious appellations such as Bellincioni or
Sammarco.
Mr. BEN DAVIES observed that Welsh singers wore terribly hampered by the
poverty of their nomenclature. Two out of every three bore the surname
Davies, and at least one in three of our Welsh male soloists was
christened Ivor. Ivor was a good name in itself, but it was becoming
terribly hackneyed.
Mr. HENRY BIRD thought that all musicians should be at liberty to assume
names provided they were appropriate. But for a composer to call himself
Johann Sebastian Wagner was to court disaster. He ventured to submit the
following list for the benefit of persons who contemplated making the
change. For a soprano: Miss Hyam Seton. For a contralto: Miss Ritchie
Plummer. For a tenor: Mr. Uther Chesterton. For a bass: Mr. Deeping
Downer. For a pianist: Mr. or Miss Ivory Pounds. For a banjoist: Mr.
Plunkett Stringer.
Miss PHYLLIS LETT, in a brief speech, explained that her name was
all-British and had no connection whatever with Lithuania.
Ultimately, on the proposal of Lord HOWARD DE WALDEN, seconded by Mr.
JOSEF HOLBROOKE, a small committee was appointed, consisting of Sir
EDWARD ELGAR, Professor BANTOCK, Madame CLARA BUTT, Mr. BEN DAVIES and
Sir HENRY WOOD, to enquire into the different proposals, and the meeting
dispersed to the strains of "For he might have been a Rooshan."
* * * * *
[Illustration: A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES.]
* * * * *
"The audience was divided into two sections; the Smith supporters
cheered every blow Wye landed as a point for their man, while Wye's
friends were equally enthusiastic on his behalf."--_Daily Mail._
With the SMITH supporters behind us, and a SMITH referee, we are
prepared to take on CARPENTIER.
* * * * *
[Illustration:_Mother._ "WELL, DARLING, DO YOU REMEMBER _ANYTHING_ THE
CLERGYMAN SAID?"
_Barbara._ "YES, MUMMY, I HEARD HIM SAY, 'HALF-PAST-SIX'!"]
* * * * *
"PUNCH" IN HIS ELEMENT.
(_Modelled on the Opening Chorus of "Atalanta in Calydon."_)
Once in so many calendar spaces
_Punch_, appearing on All Fools' Day,
Fills with giggles the hours and graces,
Causes the hares of March to stay;
And the soft sweet hatters along the Strand
Remember the dreams of Wonderland,
And the chessboard world and the White King's faces,
The hamless commons and all the hay.
Come with loud bells and belabouring of bladder,
Spirit of Laughter, descend on the town
With tumbling of paint-pails from top of the ladder
And blowing of tiles from the stockbroker's crown;
Bind on thy hosen in motley halves
Over the rondure and curve of thy calves;
The night may be mad, but the morn shall be madder--
Madder than moonshine and madder than brown.
What shall I say to it, how shall I pipe of it,
Weave it what strains of ineffable things?
O that my Muse were a Muse with a gripe of it,
Engined with petrol and wafted by wings!
For the sorrows and sighings of winter are done,
And _Punch_ is appearing on April 1,
And a savour of daffodils clings to the type of it,
And the buttered balm of a crumpet clings.
For the merle and the mavis have joined with the "shover"
In drowning the day and the night with their din,
And all too soon the unwary lover
Is walking about in vestures thin;
And the "nuts" are buying their shirts of cotton,
And, cast into storage cold, forgotten,
From delicate necks they were wont to cover,
'Possum by 'possum, the stoles come in.
And soon is an ending of football rushes,
The hold that tackles a travelling heel;
And the front of the town with new fire flushes,
The paints that follow the paints that peel;
And the season comes with its gauds and gold
When the amorous plaints once more are told,
And the polished hoof of her partner crushes
The damsel's shoes in the ballroom reel.
And _The Times_ by day and _The News_ by night,
Fleeter of foot than the Fleet Street kid,
Shall hurry in motor-cars left and right
Saying what Kent and Yorkshire did;
And, stout as pillars of marble set,
The copper shall capture the suffragette,
And screen from peril and heave from sight
The maid pursuing, the Minister hid.
The P.C. comes with his mænad haul,
Her hatbrim tilted across her eyes;
The cricketer dips to the flying ball,
His white pants billowing round his thighs;
But thou, _Charivari_, week by week
Remaining (I take it) quite unique,
Shalt shake with laughter and pink them all
With points that puncture the vogue that flies.