We are sorry to hear that the PREMIER is suffering from a troublesome
Gough.
* * *
Poor Mr. ASQUITH, as though he had not already worries enough, is
getting into trouble for sending an exclusive statement to _The Times_.
He now stands convicted by his own party of being a _Times_-server.
* * *
_The Premier Magazine_ is announced for sale. Is this, we wonder, the
Powder Magazine on which he has been sitting?
* * *
At one moment it began to look as if the Admiralty, after all, was going
to change its mind and we were to have Grand Man[oe]uvres this year--off
the coast of Ireland.
* * *
There are rumours that the Suffragettes are now preparing to blow up the
whole of Ireland, as they find that that little country has during the
past few days been distracting public attention from their cause.
* * *
An appeal is being made for funds to enable the battlefield of Waterloo
to be preserved. A handsome donation has, it is said, been offered by
one of our most enterprising railway companies, the only condition made
being that the name shall be altered to Bakerloo.
* * *
It is so often asserted that a Varsity career unfits one for success in
the bigger world that it is satisfactory to read that the PRINCE OF
WALES'S income from the Duchy of Cornwall was £85,719 last year, as
compared with £81,350 in the previous year.
* * *
The Association of Lancastrians in London held their annual dinner last
week. It would have been a kindly and thoughtful act on the part of
those responsible for the dinner had they offered a seat to Mr.
MASTERMAN, the Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, who is now back in
town.
* * *
Mr. Justice SCRUTTON has fined a man for saying "Hear, hear," in court,
and there is something approaching a panic among our Comic Judges lest
some colleague on a lower plane of humour should fine somebody, for
laughing in court.
* * *
It has been said that we English take our pleasures sadly. By way of
compensation, apparently, we take our tragedies gaily. Under the heading
"AMUSEMENT NOTES" in _The Daily Mail_ we find the following
announcement:--"At the Scala Theatre a new colour film is promised for
Monday next, which is to depict in striking fashion the terrors of
modern scientific warfare."
* * *
A contemporary describes the production, _Splash Me_, which was
presented at the Palladium last week, as "a Water Revue." The correct
expression is surely "Naval Revue"?
* * *
Messrs. WEEKES AND CO. have published a "Song of the Aeroplane," and we
suspect that all concerned in this venture are terrified lest some
clumsy critic shall say, "Merely to hear this song makes one want to
fly."
* * *
It is sometimes asked, Are we a musical nation? It is possible, of
course, that we are, but last week we were informed by an advertisement
that "the greatest song success of the season" is entitled "Popsy
Wopsy."
* * *
A Mr. SNOOKS attained his 100th birthday last week. So much for those
who say that ridicule kills!
* * *
Thetford (Norfolk) Corporation have decided to pay their mayor a salary
of £20 in future "owing to the heavy financial drain on his pocket." We
think it should have been removed and the cost charged to drainage
expenses.
* * *
The coat-of-arms provided for the Metropolitan Asylum Board includes a
red cross, the golden staff of ÆSCULAPIUS, an eagle, a dragon, and red
and white roses. It sounds a mad enough medley.
* * *
Answer to a correspondent: No, _Wild Life_ is not an organ of the
Militants.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Our Futurist Pygmalion (on seeing his Galatea come to
life)._ "OH, WHY DIDN'T I REMAIN AN IDEALIST?"]
* * * * *