I said slowly, "He seemed normal enough to me. Uh ... perhaps a bit
eccentric."
Sam said, "Brother, he's as far around the corner as you can get. You
know what he thinks? He thinks that he's wandering through space, going
from planet to planet, trying to find a situation similar to that in
which he sent away the person he loved most to his death. He thinks
that if he ever finds that similar situation, he'll be able to make the
opposite decision from the one he made before and that will redeem him."
* * * * *
I frowned. "Where does he get the money for his wandering around the
planets?"
"He don't need no money. He's good luck. There's not a captain in the
system that would refuse free passage to old Joseph." Sam shrugged his
beefy shoulders. "And who am I to say otherwise? That's why I give the
bums free drinks when he's around; so does every other bartender."
Two customers had entered and Sam made his way down to them, leaving me
alone.
A halftripper scurried through the door and cringed up to me. He
whimpered, "How about a drink, spaceman? I...."
I flipped him a coin. "Sure, buddy," I said, repressing my usual nausea
at the sight of him. I got down from my stool and made my way out. It
was time for me to return to the spaceport and my job.
I suppose that I forgot to tell the cabbie to take me to the
administration building entrance--the first time I'd made that mistake
in years. I was preoccupied with thoughts of Joseph and the story Sam
had told of him. The guards at the main gate must have let us through
without question when they saw my United Space Lines uniform. At any
rate, when I looked up, it was too late. Not only was I on the landing
field and in full view of the concrete take-off aprons, but one
gigantic freighter was in the process of blasting off.
All the horror of it flowed over me with a rush. The careful training
of years; the work of the doctors who had treated me; all my own
self-discipline--were gone. I shook with terrified frenzy. The depths
of space! The free fall! The black emptiness! The utter, uncontrollable
terror!