(_Extracts from a Synthetic Diary à la mode._)
_November 11th._--Now is the time to plant salsify, or the vegetable
oyster, as it has been aptly named from its crustacean flavour so
dear to herbaceous boarders. This may be still further accentuated
by planting it in soil containing lime, chalk or other calcareous or
sebaceous deposits.
Hedgehogs are now in prime condition for baking, but it is desirable
to remove the quills before entrusting the animal to the oven. But the
hedgehog cannot be cooked until he is caught, and his capture should
not be attempted without strong gloves. Those recently invented by
Lord THANET are far the best for the purpose. It is a moot point among
culinary artists whether the hedgehog should be served _en casserole_
or in _coquilles_; but these are negligible details when you are
steeped in the glamour of pale gold from a warm November sun, and
mild air currents lag over the level leagues where the water is but
slightly crimped and the alighting heron is lost among the neutral
tints that envelop him....
Though the sun's rays are not now so fervent as they were in the
dog-days, gardening without any headgear is dangerous, especially in
view of the constant stooping. For the protection of the _medulla_
nothing is better than the admirable hat recently placed on the market
by the benevolent enterprise of a great newspaper. But an effective
substitute can be improvised out of a square yard of linoleum lined
with cabbage-leaves and fastened with a couple of safety-pins.
As the late Sir ANDREW CLARK remarked in a luminous phrase, Nature
forgives but she never forgets. The complete gardener should always
aim (unlike the successful journalist) at keeping his head cool and
his feet warm; and here again the noble enterprise of a newspaper
has provided the exact _desideratum_ in its happily-named Corkolio
detachable soles, which are absolutely invaluable when roads are dark
and ways are foul, when the reeds are sere, when all the flowers have
gone and the carrion-crow from the vantage of a pollard utters harsh
notes of warning to all the corvine company round about....
Shod with Corkolio the happy gardener can defy these sinister
visitants and ply the task of "heeling over" broccoli towards the
north with perfect impunity.
The ravages of stag-beetles, a notable feature of late seasons, and
probably one of the indirect but none the less disastrous results of
the Land Valuation policy of the PRIME MINISTER, can be kept down by
leaving bowls of caviare mixed with molasses in the places which they
most frequent. This compound reduces them speedily to a comatose
condition, in which they can be safely exterminated with the aid of
the patent hot-air pistolette (price five guineas) recently invented
by a director of one of the journals already alluded to.
But _tout lasse, tout casse, tout passe_; and while the kingfisher
turns his sapphire back in the sun against the lemon-yellow of the
willow leaves, and the smouldering russet of the oak-crowns succeeds
to the crimson of the beeches and the gold of the elms, we shall do
well to emulate the serene magnanimity of Nature and console ourselves
with the reflection that the rural philosopher, if only assured of
a sympathetic hearing in an enlightened Press and provided with a
suitable equipment by the ingenuity of its directors, may contemplate
the vagaries of tyrannical misgovernment with fortitude and even
felicity.
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