Some time ago the PREMIER beheld the sunrise upon the mountains, and
now he has plunged his thermometer into the lava to discover that the
stream is cooling--indicating comfort, let us hope, to any who may be
buried beneath it. Only by an oversight, we understand, did he omit to
mention in his speech at the Guildhall that the chamois is once more
browsing happily among the blooming edelweiss.
But in continuing his lofty metaphors Mr. LLOYD GEORGE will find
himself confronted by no small difficulty when dealing with the
glacier. What can he say that the glacier is doing? It must do
something. A glacier is of no rhetorical value if it merely stays
where it is. One may take in hand the ice-axe of resolution and the
alpenstock of enterprise and pull over one's boots the socks of
Coalition, but the glacier remains practically unchanged by these
preparations. It would be of little use to declare that its uneven
surface is being levelled by the steam-roller of progress and its
crevasses filled in by the cement of human kindness, because
the Opposition Press would soon get scientists, engineers and
statisticians to establish the absurdity of such a claim. And to
announce that the glacier is getting warmer would create no end of
a panic among the homesteads in the valley. Unless he is very, very
careful Mr. LLOYD GEORGE may make a grave slip in negotiating the
glacier.
Then the "awful avalanche" has not yet been dealt with. A few helpful
words on the direction this is likely to take and the safest rock to
make for when it begins to move might be welcomed by the PREMIER'S
followers. He may argue that it is folly to meet trouble half-way,
but on the other hand, if he does not speak on this subject soon, the
opportunity may disappear. Let him avoid the glacier if he chooses; he
cannot (so we are informed) escape the avalanche.
* * * * *
[Illustration: =TREATING UNDER PROHIBITION.=
"HELLO, OLD FRIGHT--HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOR AGES!"
"WE MUST HAVE ONE." [entering SHIRT MAKER'S Establishment]
"WHAT'S YOURS?" "THINK I'LL HAVE A COLLAR."
"TWO COLLARS, PLEASE--SEVENTEENS." "CHEERIO!"
"NOW YOU MUST HAVE ONE WITH ME. WHAT ABOUT AN EVENING SHIRT?" "NO, NO,
IT'S TOO EARLY." "THE SAME AGAIN, THEN?" "WELL, PERHAPS A SOFT ONE
THIS TIME."
"SAME AGAIN, PLEASE--ONLY SOFT."
"BYE-BYE! SEE YOU AGAIN SOON."]
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[Illustration: _Magistrate._ "BUT, MR. GOLDSTEIN, WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR
HOUSE AND YOUR BUSINESS IN YOUR WIFE'S NAME?"
_Mr. Goldstein._ "WELL, YOU SEE, I'M NOT A BEESNESS MAN."]
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