I
In Petersburg in the eighteen-forties a surprising event occurred. An
officer of the Cuirassier Life Guards, a handsome prince who everyone
predicted would become aide-de-camp to the Emperor Nicholas I and have
a brilliant career, left the service, broke off his engagement to a
beautiful maid of honour, a favourite of the Empress’s, gave his small
estate to his sister, and retired to a monastery to become a monk.
This event appeared extraordinary and inexplicable to those who did not
know his inner motives, but for Prince Stepan Kasatsky himself it all
occurred so naturally that he could not imagine how he could have acted
otherwise.
His father, a retired colonel of the Guards, had died when Stepan was
twelve, and sorry as his mother was to part from her son, she entered
him at the Military College as her deceased husband had intended.
The widow herself, with her daughter, Varvara, moved to Petersburg to be
near her son and have him with her for the holidays.
The boy was distinguished both by his brilliant ability and by his
immense self-esteem. He was first both in his studies--especially in
mathematics, of which he was particularly fond--and also in drill and in
riding. Though of more than average height, he was handsome and agile,
and he would have been an altogether exemplary cadet had it not been for
his quick temper. He was remarkably truthful, and was neither dissipated
nor addicted to drink. The only faults that marred his conduct were
fits of fury to which he was subject and during which he lost control of
himself and became like a wild animal. He once nearly threw out of the
window another cadet who had begun to tease him about his collection
of minerals. On another occasion he came almost completely to grief
by flinging a whole dish of cutlets at an officer who was acting as
steward, attacking him and, it was said, striking him for having broken
his word and told a barefaced lie. He would certainly have been reduced
to the ranks had not the Director of the College hushed up the whole
matter and dismissed the steward.
By the time he was eighteen he had finished his College course and
received a commission as lieutenant in an aristocratic regiment of the
Guards.
The Emperor Nicholas Pavlovich (Nicholas I) had noticed him while he
was still at the College, and continued to take notice of him in the
regiment, and it was on this account that people predicted for him an
appointment as aide-de-camp to the Emperor. Kasatsky himself strongly
desired it, not from ambition only but chiefly because since his cadet
days he had been passionately devoted to Nicholas Pavlovich. The Emperor
had often visited the Military College and every time Kasatsky saw
that tall erect figure, with breast expanded in its military overcoat,
entering with brisk step, saw the cropped side-whiskers, the moustache,
the aquiline nose, and heard the sonorous voice exchanging greetings
with the cadets, he was seized by the same rapture that he experienced
later on when he met the woman he loved. Indeed, his passionate
adoration of the Emperor was even stronger: he wished to sacrifice
something--everything, even himself--to prove his complete devotion.
And the Emperor Nicholas was conscious of evoking this rapture and
deliberately aroused it. He played with the cadets, surrounded himself
with them, treating them sometimes with childish simplicity, sometimes
as a friend, and then again with majestic solemnity. After that affair
with the officer, Nicholas Pavlovich said nothing to Kasatsky, but when
the latter approached he waved him away theatrically, frowned, shook his
finger at him, and afterwards when leaving, said: ‘Remember that I know
everything. There are some things I would rather not know, but they
remain here,’ and he pointed to his heart.
When on leaving College the cadets were received by the Emperor, he did
not again refer to Kasatsky’s offence, but told them all, as was his
custom, that they should serve him and the fatherland loyally, that he
would always be their best friend, and that when necessary they might
approach him direct. All the cadets were as usual greatly moved, and
Kasatsky even shed tears, remembering the past, and vowed that he would
serve his beloved Tsar with all his soul.
When Kasatsky took up his commission his mother moved with her daughter
first to Moscow and then to their country estate. Kasatsky gave half his
property to his sister and kept only enough to maintain himself in the
expensive regiment he had joined.
To all appearance he was just an ordinary, brilliant young officer
of the Guards making a career for himself; but intense and complex
strivings went on within him. From early childhood his efforts had
seemed to be very varied, but essentially they were all one and the
same. He tried in everything he took up to attain such success and
perfection as would evoke praise and surprise. Whether it was his
studies or his military exercises, he took them up and worked at them
till he was praised and held up as an example to others. Mastering one
subject he took up another, and obtained first place in his studies. For
example, while still at College he noticed in himself an awkwardness in
French conversation, and contrived to master French till he spoke it
as well as Russian, and then he took up chess and became an excellent
player.
Apart from his main vocation, which was the service of his Tsar and
the fatherland, he always set himself some particular aim, and however
unimportant it was, devoted himself completely to it and lived for it
until it was accomplished. And as soon as it was attained another
aim would immediately present itself, replacing its predecessor. This
passion for distinguishing himself, or for accomplishing something
in order to distinguish himself, filled his life. On taking up his
commission he set himself to acquire the utmost perfection in knowledge
of the service, and very soon became a model officer, though still with
the same fault of ungovernable irascibility, which here in the service
again led him to commit actions inimical to his success. Then he took to
reading, having once in conversation in society felt himself deficient
in general education--and again achieved his purpose. Then, wishing
to secure a brilliant position in high society, he learnt to dance
excellently and very soon was invited to all the balls in the best
circles, and to some of their evening gatherings. But this did not
satisfy him: he was accustomed to being first, and in this society was
far from being so.
The highest society then consisted, and I think always consist, of
four sorts of people: rich people who are received at Court, people
not wealthy but born and brought up in Court circles, rich people who
ingratiate themselves into the Court set, and people neither rich nor
belonging to the Court but who ingratiate themselves into the first and
second sets.
Kasatsky did not belong to the first two sets, but was readily welcomed
in the others. On entering society he determined to have relations with
some society lady, and to his own surprise quickly accomplished this
purpose. He soon realized, however, that the circles in which he moved
were not the highest, and that though he was received in the highest
spheres he did not belong to them. They were polite to him, but showed
by their whole manner that they had their own set and that he was not of
it. And Kasatsky wished to belong to that inner circle. To attain that
end it would be necessary to be an aide-de-camp to the Emperor--which
he expected to become--or to marry into that exclusive set, which he
resolved to do. And his choice fell on a beauty belonging to the
Court, who not merely belonged to the circle into which he wished to be
accepted, but whose friendship was coveted by the very highest people
and those most firmly established in that highest circle. This was
Countess Korotkova. Kasatsky began to pay court to her, and not merely
for the sake of his career. She was extremely attractive and he soon
fell in love with her. At first she was noticeably cool towards him,
but then suddenly changed and became gracious, and her mother gave him
pressing invitations to visit them. Kasatsky proposed and was accepted.
He was surprised at the facility with which he attained such happiness.
But though he noticed something strange and unusual in the behaviour
towards him of both mother and daughter, he was blinded by being
so deeply in love, and did not realize what almost the whole town
knew--namely, that his fiancee had been the Emperor Nicholas’s mistress
the previous year.
Two weeks before the day arranged for the wedding, Kasatsky was at
Tsarskoe Selo at his fiancee’s country place. It was a hot day in May.
He and his betrothed had walked about the garden and were sitting on
a bench in a shady linden alley. Mary’s white muslin dress suited her
particularly well, and she seemed the personification of innocence and
love as she sat, now bending her head, now gazing up at the very tall
and handsome man who was speaking to her with particular tenderness and
self-restraint, as if he feared by word or gesture to offend or sully
her angelic purity.
Kasatsky belonged to those men of the eighteen-forties (they are now no
longer to be found) who while deliberately and without any conscientious
scruples condoning impurity in themselves, required ideal and angelic
purity in their women, regarded all unmarried women of their circle as
possessed of such purity, and treated them accordingly. There was much
that was false and harmful in this outlook, as concerning the laxity the
men permitted themselves, but in regard to the women that old-fashioned
view (sharply differing from that held by young people to-day who see in
every girl merely a female seeking a mate) was, I think, of value. The
girls, perceiving such adoration, endeavoured with more or less success
to be goddesses.
Such was the view Kasatsky held of women, and that was how he regarded
his fiancee. He was particularly in love that day, but did not
experience any sensual desire for her. On the contrary he regarded her
with tender adoration as something unattainable.
He rose to his full height, standing before her with both hands on his
sabre.
‘I have only now realized what happiness a man can experience! And it is
you, my darling, who have given me this happiness,’ he said with a timid
smile.
Endearments had not yet become usual between them, and feeling himself
morally inferior he felt terrified at this stage to use them to such an
angel.
‘It is thanks to you that I have come to know myself. I have learnt that
I am better than I thought.’
‘I have known that for a long time. That was why I began to love you.’
Nightingales trilled near by and the fresh leafage rustled, moved by a
passing breeze.
He took her hand and kissed it, and tears came into his eyes.
She understood that he was thanking her for having said she loved him.
He silently took a few steps up and down, and then approached her again
and sat down.
‘You know... I have to tell you... I was not disinterested when I
began to make love to you. I wanted to get into society; but later...
how unimportant that became in comparison with you--when I got to know
you. You are not angry with me for that?’
She did not reply but merely touched his hand. He understood that this
meant: ‘No, I am not angry.’
‘You said...’ He hesitated. It seemed too bold to say. ‘You said that
you began to love me. I believe it--but there is something that troubles
you and checks your feeling. What is it?’
‘Yes--now or never!’ thought she. ‘He is bound to know of it anyway. But
now he will not forsake me. Ah, if he should, it would be terrible!’ And
she threw a loving glance at his tall, noble, powerful figure. She loved
him now more than she had loved the Tsar, and apart from the Imperial
dignity would not have preferred the Emperor to him.
‘Listen! I cannot deceive you. I have to tell you. You ask what it is?
It is that I have loved before.’
She again laid her hand on his with an imploring gesture. He was silent.
‘You want to know who it was? It was--the Emperor.’
‘We all love him. I can imagine you, a schoolgirl at the Institute...’
‘No, it was later. I was infatuated, but it passed... I must tell
you...’
‘Well, what of it?’
‘No, it was not simply--’ She covered her face with her hands.
‘What? You gave yourself to him?’
She was silent.
‘His mistress?’
She did not answer.
He sprang up and stood before her with trembling jaws, pale as death. He
now remembered how the Emperor, meeting him on the Nevsky, had amiably
congratulated him.
‘O God, what have I done! Stiva!’
‘Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me! Oh, how it pains!’
He turned away and went to the house. There he met her mother.
‘What is the matter, Prince? I...’ She became silent on seeing his
face. The blood had suddenly rushed to his head.
‘You knew it, and used me to shield them! If you weren’t a woman...!’
he cried, lifting his enormous fist, and turning aside he ran away.
Had his fiancee’s lover been a private person he would have killed him,
but it was his beloved Tsar.
Next day he applied both for furlough and his discharge, and professing
to be ill, so as to see no one, he went away to the country.
He spent the summer at his village arranging his affairs. When summer
was over he did not return to Petersburg, but entered a monastery and
there became a monk.
His mother wrote to try to dissuade him from this decisive step, but
he replied that he felt God’s call which transcended all other
considerations. Only his sister, who was as proud and ambitious as he,
understood him.
She understood that he had become a monk in order to be above those who
considered themselves his superiors. And she understood him correctly.
By becoming a monk he showed contempt for all that seemed most important
to others and had seemed so to him while he was in the service, and
he now ascended a height from which he could look down on those he had
formerly envied.... But it was not this alone, as his sister Varvara
supposed, that influenced him. There was also in him something else--a
sincere religious feeling which Varvara did not know, which intertwined
itself with the feeling of pride and the desire for pre-eminence,
and guided him. His disillusionment with Mary, whom he had thought
of angelic purity, and his sense of injury, were so strong that they
brought him to despair, and the despair led him--to what? To God, to his
childhood’s faith which had never been destroyed in him.