Family misfortunes. The loss of fortune only serves to encrease the
pride of the worthy.
The temporal concerns of our family were chiefly committed to my wife’s
management, as to the spiritual I took them entirely under my own
direction. The profits of my living, which amounted to but thirty-five
pounds a year, I made over to the orphans and widows of the clergy of
our diocese; for having a sufficient fortune of my own, I was careless
of temporalities, and felt a secret pleasure in doing my duty without
reward. I also set a resolution of keeping no curate, and of being
acquainted with every man in the parish, exhorting the married men to
temperance and the bachelors to matrimony; so that in a few years it
was a common saying, that there were three strange wants at Wakefield,
a parson wanting pride, young men wanting wives, and ale-houses wanting
customers. Matrimony was always one of my favourite topics, and I wrote
several sermons to prove its happiness: but there was a peculiar tenet
which I made a point of supporting; for I maintained with Whiston, that
it was unlawful for a priest of the church of England, after the death
of his first wife, to take a second, or to express it in one word, I
valued myself upon being a strict monogamist. I was early innitiated
into this important dispute, on which so many laborious volumes have
been written. I published some tracts upon the subject myself, which,
as they never sold, I have the consolation of thinking are read only by
the happy Few. Some of my friends called this my weak side; but alas!
they had not like me made it the subject of long contemplation. The
more I reflected upon it, the more important it appeared. I even went a
step beyond Whiston in displaying my principles: as he had engraven
upon his wife’s tomb that she was the _only_ wife of William Whiston;
so I wrote a similar epitaph for my wife, though still living, in which
I extolled her prudence, oeconomy, and obedience till death; and having
got it copied fair, with an elegant frame, it was placed over the
chimney-piece, where it answered several very useful purposes. It
admonished my wife of her duty to me, and my fidelity to her; it
inspired her with a passion for fame, and constantly put her in mind of
her end.
It was thus, perhaps, from hearing marriage so often recommended, that
my eldest son, just upon leaving college, fixed his affections upon the
daughter of a neighbouring clergyman, who was a dignitary in the
church, and in circumstances to give her a large fortune: but fortune
was her smallest accomplishment. Miss Arabella Wilmot was allowed by
all, except my two daughters, to be completely pretty. Her youth,
health, and innocence, were still heightened by a complexion so
transparent, and such an happy sensibility of look, as even age could
not gaze on with indifference. As Mr Wilmot knew that I could make a
very handsome settlement on my son, he was not averse to the match; so
both families lived together in all that harmony which generally
precedes an expected alliance. Being convinced by experience that the
days of courtship are the most happy of our lives, I was willing enough
to lengthen the period; and the various amusements which the young
couple every day shared in each other’s company, seemed to encrease
their passion. We were generally awaked in the morning by music, and on
fine days rode a hunting. The hours between breakfast and dinner the
ladies devoted to dress and study: they usually read a page, and then
gazed at themselves in the glass, which even philosophers might own
often presented the page of greatest beauty. At dinner my wife took the
lead; for as she always insisted upon carving every thing herself, it
being her mother’s way, she gave us upon these occasions the history of
every dish. When we had dined, to prevent the ladies leaving us, I
generally ordered the table to be removed; and sometimes, with the
music master’s assistance, the girls would give us a very agreeable
concert. Walking out, drinking tea, country dances, and forfeits,
shortened the rest of the day, without the assistance of cards, as I
hated all manner of gaming, except backgammon, at which my old friend
and I sometimes took a two-penny hit. Nor can I here pass over an
ominous circumstance that happened the last time we played together: I
only wanted to fling a quatre, and yet I threw deuce ace five times
running. Some months were elapsed in this manner, till at last it was
thought convenient to fix a day for the nuptials of the young couple,
who seemed earnestly to desire it. During the preparations for the
wedding, I need not describe the busy importance of my wife, nor the
sly looks of my daughters: in fact, my attention was fixed on another
object, the completing a tract which I intended shortly to publish in
defence of my favourite principle. As I looked upon this as a
master-piece both for argument and style, I could not in the pride of
my heart avoid shewing it to my old friend Mr Wilmot, as I made no
doubt of receiving his approbation; but not till too late I discovered
that he was most violently attached to the contrary opinion, and with
good reason; for he was at that time actually courting a fourth wife.
This, as may be expected, produced a dispute attended with some
acrimony, which threatened to interrupt our intended alliance: but on
the day before that appointed for the ceremony, we agreed to discuss
the subject at large. It was managed with proper spirit on both sides:
he asserted that I was heterodox, I retorted the charge: he replied,
and I rejoined. In the mean time, while the controversy was hottest, I
was called out by one of my relations, who, with a face of concern,
advised me to give up the dispute, at least till my son’s wedding was
over. ‘How,’ cried I, ‘relinquish the cause of truth, and let him be an
husband, already driven to the very verge of absurdity. You might as
well advise me to give up my fortune as my argument.’ ‘Your fortune,’
returned my friend, ‘I am now sorry to inform you, is almost nothing.
The merchant in town, in whose hands your money was lodged, has gone
off, to avoid a statute of bankruptcy, and is thought not to have left
a shilling in the pound. I was unwilling to shock you or the family
with the account till after the wedding: but now it may serve to
moderate your warmth in the argument; for, I suppose, your own prudence
will enforce the necessity of dissembling at least till your son has
the young lady’s fortune secure.’—‘Well,’ returned I, ‘if what you tell
me be true, and if I am to be a beggar, it shall never make me a
rascal, or induce me to disavow my principles. I’ll go this moment and
inform the company of my circumstances; and as for the argument, I even
here retract my former concessions in the old gentleman’s favour, nor
will I allow him now to be an husband in any sense of the expression.’
It would be endless to describe the different sensations of both
families when I divulged the news of our misfortune; but what others
felt was slight to what the lovers appeared to endure. Mr Wilmot, who
seemed before sufficiently inclined to break off the match, was by this
blow soon determined: one virtue he had in perfection, which was
prudence, too often the only one that is left us at seventy-two.