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APRIL THE TWENTY-SECOND.--A most annoying incident has marred the day.
As I think back upon it, adding deduction to deduction, superimposing
surmise upon suspicion and suspicion in turn upon premise and fact, I am
forced, against my very will, to conclude that, forgetting the dignity
due one in my position, some person or persons to me unknown made a
partially successful attempt to enact a practical joke of the most
unpardonable character, having for a chosen victim none other than
myself. I say partially successful, because at the moment when the plot
approached its climax a subtle inner sense warned me to have a care and
I refused to proceed farther, thus robbing the perpetrator or
perpetrators of the anticipated laugh at my expense.
I shall set down the history of the entire affair. On yesterday, as I
have stated, a telephone was duly installed within the precincts of my
study. This forenoon I chanced to mention the matter to Miss Hamm whom,
by a coincidence, I encountered as she was entering the seminary
grounds. Indeed as I recall, I spoke upon the topic to a number of
persons, including fellow instructors and students, remarking upon the
added opportunities thus afforded for broadened intercourse through the
medium of a device which has grown well-nigh indispensable to the
conduct of our daily affairs. Some one--Miss Hamm as I remember,
although it may have been another--was moved in this connection to ask
me whether the inspection department of the local exchange had made the
customary tests of the instrument in my study, to which I replied in the
negative.
But at five of the clock or thereabout, as I sat here enjoying the
refreshing solace of tea and basking in the mild spring air wafted to me
through my opened windows, the telephone bell rang. Arising promptly, I
went to where the instrument is affixed to the wall and responded to the
call in the conventional manner by placing the receiver to my ear,
applying my lips to the transmitter and uttering the word "Halloa!"
twice, or possibly thrice repeated. Over the wire then a female voice
spoke, enquiring if this were Doctor Fibble? Upon my stating that such
was the case, the voice said:
"Doctor, this is the inspection department. We wish to test your
telephone. Will you be so kind as to help us?"
To which I responded:
"Willingly, if it lies within my power to render such assistance."
"Thank you," said the other. "Are you ready to begin?"
"Quite ready," I said.
"Very well then," bade the voice. "Kindly stand back two feet from the
mouthpiece and say coo-coo three times, with a rising inflection on the
final coo."
The request appeared reasonable; accordingly I complied.
"Splendid," praised the unknown when I had concluded. "Now put your
mouth close up to the transmitter and do the same thing all over again,
but slightly louder."
No sooner requested than done.
"Now stand two feet to the left of the phone and repeat."