[A contemporary, having heard of the hat specially designed for M.
CLEMENCEAU, has decided that the bowler, the topper, the Homburg,
the straw, the cloth cap and all other styles at present more
or less in vogue leave much to be desired, and has therefore
inaugurated a search for the ideal male headdress.]
THE SMILLIE.--A Phrygian model, executed in red Russia leather.
Special features are the asbestos lining, the steam vents and the
water-jacket, which combine to minimise the natural heat of the head.
Embellished with an heraldic cock's-comb _gules_, it is a striking
conception.
THE PREMIER.--A semi-Tyrolean type in resilient chamois, which can
be readily converted to any desired shape, with or without extra
stiffening. Its adaptability and the patent sound-proof ear-flaps make
it particularly suitable for travellers. Detachable edelweiss and leek
trimming.
THE ERIC.--An adaptation of the _cap of maintenance_ in a special
elastic material, warranted not to burst under pressure of abnormal
expansion of the head of the wearer. Practically fool-proof.
THE WINNIE.--A fore-and-aft derived from a French model of the First
Empire period, the severity of which is mitigated by the addition of
little bells. A novelty is the mouthpiece in the crown, which enables
the hat to be used as a megaphone at need. An elastic loop holds a
fountain-pen in position. The whole to be worn on a head several sizes
too big for it.
THE CONAN.--A straw bonnet of bee-hive shape. Medium weight. In a
diversity of shades. The special puggaree of goblin blue material is
designed to protect the wearer from moonstroke without obscuring the
vision.
THE WARNER.--An easy-fitting crown carried out in harlequin flannel
surmounts a full brim of restful willow-green. Garnished with
intertwined laurel and St. John's-Wort, and decorated with the tail
feather of a Surrey fowl, it makes a comfortable and distinguished
headdress for a middle-aged gentleman.
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[Illustration: _Teacher._ "AND RUTH WALKED BEHIND THE REAPERS, PICKING
UP THE CORN THAT THEY LEFT. JOHN, WHAT DO WE CALL THAT?"
_John_ (_very virtuously_). "PINCHING."]
* * * * *